SPOTLIGHT on Segolilly!!! « Back to Group Discussions

[travelmumma]

Sego, your up!!!

:) Have fun!

Fire away ladies!!

[Mamabeakley]

Sego, are you going to do a little intro?  

[segolilymama]

Yes - here I am - sorry the travel was a bit crazy there at the end!

So I am Segolilymama, AKA Jen (41), married to Craig (43) and partner to Joe (32) and DH's partner is Jordan (34). I'm mama to Corbin (13) Gabe (10) and Athan (6), step-mom to Garrett (10) who I have raised his whole life, and Joe's kids Nate (12), Katie (10), Seth (7), and Luke (2). We also have Jordan's 4kids Zion (10), Zeke (9), Eve (7), and Elias (4). So 12 total around the house when they are all here, with #13 on the way (Joe is the daddy). I teased Travelmumma that we are NOT polygamists - we are polyamorous, but I don;t really care much for labels, and it's a perfectly normal mistake. Big difference is polygmists are 1 husband multiple wives, and usually for religious reasons.

Anyway... Besides our humans we have a dog, 2 cats, 2 parakeets, numerous fish, about 20 chickens & 4 ducks. We live on about 5 acres in Herriman, UT, which is just southwest of Salt Lake City (I can see SLC from my kitchen). We have about a 250 square foot garden, and the fresh eggs & fresh produce are a big reason we left the city to move out here.

I am the founder of a Sudbury model school in salt lake that will be starting our 9th year in the fall; I have a masters in education and am working on a doctorate in Transformational Studies. I love to sew (actually sent in a portfolio for Project Runway before I knew I was pregnant!), scrapbook, write, paint, I love music and the outdoors. I am also a huge fan of good food, and I love to cook & eat.

OK ladies - ask away!

[travelmumma]

Wow Jen you have your hands full!!
Do you have any feelings as to which sex this bub will be???
How did you meet you husband and partner?

[Mamabeakley]

Where did you grow up?  I've never lived in the west so I wonder whether being in a place where polygamy is not unknown would make living in a polyamorous household less 'weird' (socially - I know poly families are often in the closet - I'm not saying you ARE weird!)  How did you find your way to your doctoral topic?

[kel]

Do you all live together full time or is there more than one home involved?  And if you do, how long have you all lived together?  Is it too personal to ask if you are still equally physical/sexual with both your husband and partner, or whether you and your husband are more like close friends and you and your respective partners are in a more physical/in love sort of relationship?  Feel free to only answer what you like!  I'm just very interested in the dynamics between the four of you! 

Okay, some lighter questions;)...

Have you always lived in Utah?

Do you do the family bed with your babes, and if so, how long?

What sort of clothes where in your portfolio - I'd love to see some images! 

xox

[Jackies]

Do you know any other polyamorous families nearby?

[kateadelle]

This isn't exactly a question, but I would love to hear more about the work you are doing toward your doctorate.

[sweetmilk]

so what is the school that you founded? and why did you do it?What is the difference whit others schools? Was it to fill a need for your kids or something that your community needed? Anyway I have a tone of question like that so Im going to stop there!!!

[mamadiamond]

with all those kiddos running around, how are parenting decisions made? is it the group of parents decides for all the kids, or each biological parent decides for their own kids, or a mix?

[nhklh]

How do you find the energy to keep up with so many family relationships?  Do you all equally parent all of the children?  I assume some of the children have other parents outside of your household?

I'm another one very interested in the dynamics - it's so different to what I know/have lived.

[DeeGee 1873]

Wow! It sounds like you have a really busy life.

I love that your hobbies are so artistic (I am jealous of anyone who can paint or really sew). I would love to hear more about your interests and hobbies . . . and how you manage to find time to do them!

[themothership]

How much work do you have to put into your garden? We've been thinking about starting one, but are afraid of the time commitment.

[segolilymama]

Originally Posted by travelmumma 

Wow Jen you have your hands full!!
Do you have any feelings as to which sex this bub will be???
How did you meet you husband and partner?

i am really thinking girl. But that may just be because I really, really want a girl :)

My husband met about 13 years ago through mutual friends - not much of a story, but we ended up working together, and becoming good friends - when he & his ex, and my ex & I split up on the same weekend, we got closer, and have been together 12 years now :)

My partner & I met on MySpace (I'm embarrassed to admit that part!). But the cool thing was I had taken myself up to the mountains a few weeks later for some alone time. I was driving home early in the morning, listening to some amazing gospel music & the clouds parted & it began to rain. I was reminded of an extremely spiritual moment I had a few months before, and I began to cry. I began talking out loud - i said, "OK Universe, I get the message - you can use me for whatever you need - but you HAVE to send me some help!" the phone instantly rang, and it was Joe, and the rest was history. (BTW, on our first 'date', he cleaned my living room when I went to put my kids to sleep....) :)

[segolilymama]

Originally Posted by Mamabeakley 

Where did you grow up?  I've never lived in the west so I wonder whether being in a place where polygamy is not unknown would make living in a polyamorous household less 'weird' (socially - I know poly families are often in the closet - I'm not saying you ARE weird!)  How did you find your way to your doctoral topic?

I didn't grow up here - I am a 7th generation Texan, and lived in New York for several years as well. When I decided to move to Utah, I didn't even know what Mormons or polygamy were. But I do agree there is a bit more acceptance for 'weird' here - especially among the polygmaists themselves, who mind their own business and expect others to as well!

My doctoral topic is researching profound experiences in childbirth. Having had three VERY extremely powerful & spiritual experiences giving birth, it is something I have always had an interest in. one of our professors early on said "Chose something that even when you hate it, you will still love." When I began to share about my love of birth & spirituality, and cried while discussing it, he turned to our whole circle and said, "THAT is the level of love & passion you need for your topic!" I knew I was on the right path!

[segolilymama]

Originally Posted by kel 

Do you all live together full time or is there more than one home involved?  And if you do, how long have you all lived together?  Is it too personal to ask if you are still equally physical/sexual with both your husband and partner, or whether you and your husband are more like close friends and you and your respective partners are in a more physical/in love sort of relationship?  Feel free to only answer what you like!  I'm just very interested in the dynamics between the four of you! 

Okay, some lighter questions;)...

Have you always lived in Utah?

Do you do the family bed with your babes, and if so, how long?

What sort of clothes where in your portfolio - I'd love to see some images! 

xox

Yes, we all live together full time (now), We have been in this home since October; before that, Jordan still had her own home, but for the last 6 months of that it was rare that she spent time there.

At this time, we are a bit more like two monogamous couples living together - me & Joe, DH & Jordan. However, with all of the different ways my relationship with DH has looked over the years, we all know this is probably pretty temporary - and driven a LOT by the fact that Joe & I are bonding over this baby, and the physical set-up of our house - we really wanted a place where each adult had his/her own bedroom, but as it is for now we have 2 adult bedrooms- Joe & I share & Jordan & Craig share, because that's the only 'coupling' that works!

I grew up in Texas (see above :))

I do family bed with my babies - I'll let you know when the 10-year old is completely out of my room, lol! I for sure do 2-3 years with each baby, depending on their level of comfort. With each of the boys, there was a point where they weren't getting much sleep, and that was the turning point for us. My 6 & 10 year olds still sleep one night a week on the couch in my room (they are both a little too old to share the space comfortably, especially with 'step-dad' in the bed, not exactly the same as sleeping with daddy!).

My portfolio for Runway was hastily put together, but I will post some images  in another thread for anyone interested!

[segolilymama]

Originally Posted by Jackies 

Do you know any other polyamorous families nearby?

Not many - there is a triad we have had a few drinks with, but that's about it in our neck of the woods. I do know others, and am active on a web group for poly people in Utah - great place to discuss issues and the like :) I would love to have other closer, poly friends though!

[segolilymama]

Originally Posted by kateadelle 

This isn't exactly a question, but I would love to hear more about the work you are doing toward your doctorate.

ATM, I have a Survey Monkey survey that I am using to collect some pretty basic data - https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/spiritualbirth. When I get enough response, I will be looking for about 18-20 diverse women with whom to do in-depth interviews.

What I am really looking for are those moments during labor/birth when the angels show up, the ancestors arrive, the power of women everywhere surges through your body, etc. So many women have them, and they just aren't a part of the mainstream discussion of birth! I aim to make it part of what gets shared - imagine if someone told you that by remaining alert during birth (most likely drug-free, but not always if you are making informed, conscious choices) that you could have one of the most profound, spiritual experiences of your life. Don't you think that would color the choices you make?

I know when my first was born, and I thought I was dying and a voice spoke to me, it changed my life & who I am. I also know it was weird for me to talk about it, until years later when a friend was sharing her birth story with me and spoke of a similar experience. I want these moments to be what we reflect on & share with others. :)
 

[fayebond]

Hi sergolily!  This spotlight thing is fun.

Lots of people have asked good questions so I will keep mine simple.  With so many older kids around, is it easier to parent?  Or is chaos just part of the deal?

[segolilymama]

Originally Posted by sweetmilk 

so what is the school that you founded? and why did you do it?What is the difference whit others schools? Was it to fill a need for your kids or something that your community needed? Anyway I have a tone of question like that so Im going to stop there!!!

www.segolilyschool.org

This is a Sudbury model school. I did it mostly for my own children - my oldest was very active, and I knew from a young age he was never going to sit in a classroom and be happy! Also, as a former public school teacher, I didn't want to play the crap-shoot game that happens when our children get a wonderful, brilliant teacher one year, and someone who really doesn't care much the next. In Sudbury schools, it's bascially un-schooling in a community environment - the kids decide what to do, when, with whom, etc, and the staff act as mentors & resources. There was nothing else like it around, and I knew it was what I wanted for my children. DH & I did this together - other than our boys, it's our best collaboration!