Is there anyone else out there who is done with ART, but not sure how to move on?
I am really trying, but I can't seem to shake the infertility mindset. I still get jealous over pregnancy and birth announcements. I still think about cycle timing.
Julie - Hello!!! You were on the IVF board for awhile right?? I recognize your name. Anyways, i'm in the "giving up" boat but I also can't stop trying. CM comes and I'm like "it's time to BD" but i don't have much hope that it will actually happen for us since we have never had any luck on our own. So I totally understand. I'd write more but I really need to go to bed. Just know that you aren't the only one out there in this boat!
I just want to say don't give up hope. My husband has low count/motility and I have PCOS. We were told we could never concieve on our own, we tried IVF five times, have one four year old daughter from it. We kept trying for another and people always say well you never know it might happen and you are thinking ya right it never will with our issues. My husband started taking a supplement called Fertile Aid he got from Amazon.com, then two months later, we were pregnant all on our own, no IVF. I went to see a IVF doctor before I knew I was pregnant and she suggested giving me drugs to start my period because I was late, thank goodness I didn't! I still can't hardly believe it happened for us after all we went through, all the injections, ultrasounds, well you know it already. Stay positive and don't give up hope. I wish you the best, I know how hard all of this is. Take care.
Blue! - I remember you! Sorry to hear that ART could not give you a happy ending.
Yarnista - Thanks for the well wishes. I really don't see this happening for us. Congratulations to you though.
I am actually on BCP now. I thought maybe if I made the choice to have no reason to obsess that my obsession would go away. So far, not so much. It has cleared up migraines and made AF bearable, which was the primary goal. I am also trying to establish a workout routine, which I've managed to stick to for 6 weeks. I've got 20 pounds from 2+ years of ART drugs and inactivity to lose and its not wanting to go. But it feels SOOOO good to exercise and not have to worry that I am messing up an early pregnancy, or whatever other strange idea I had. So phyically I am getting there.
Mentally/emotionally - Yech. I am thinking about starting some sort of counselling next. For me, and maybe couple therapy too. Which is really hard for me. I have never thought I would need it, but I am out of things I can do for myself.
Julie--I'm ready to give up too. I haven't done as much ART as most people here, but what I did was enough for me. (Just 2 medicated IUI's.) I have a 5yo DD, and we got her because DH had a varicocelectomy and the stars must have been perfectly aligned.
I'm not sure what will fill the void of obsessing. So far I'm trying to move my career beyond where I am now, and that seems to be working to some extent. DH and I have both also been focusing on the great things we can do with a 5yo--staying up later, taking more exciting trips, etc. Eh--wouldn't say anything is working yet.
Exercise is a really good idea. I think I'll try that too. :)
Hi Tiny - I wonder now how we managed to get our DD. We are dealing with secondary unexplained infertility. We are so lucky to have her.
I am not sure if there is anything that can take the place of this obsessing. Even focusing on enjoying time with my DD takes us places with lots of other kids/families.
In the same boat here. I've been ttc on and off for fifteen years. We have one dd from ivf and icsi. The last ivf ended in miscarriage. We have no reason to believe we could conceive on our own (many issues for both of us) and now add that we are older and are failing and losing with ivf .. it doesn't leave much hope.
Dh is very done. I want to be but just like you I can't stop obsessing. I'm thinking it won't be over until I've had a hysterectomy or am completely out of childbearing years. I can't help thinking about it and wondering what if. It's pretty awful.
I don't have much advice .. just support.
Hi ilovemygirl - Yeah. I'm 35. I really, really hope I don't spend another 5+ years like this. Hence the birth control pills. I needed to give up for a while. I used to me someone else before I had my DD and until we hit the "one year" TTC. I know I can't be that person anymore, but I need to stop letting infertility take over my life.
Hi Julie, After our miserable failure of an IVF (i think it was #3 or 4) in 2009 I threw in the towel and said eff it all. a year later on my 39th birthday we had a long talk and decided to give it one more go, and went back to the RE. Long story short... we crossed lines we never thought we would cross, made difficult choices and realized we just weren't done... and i'm 37 weeks with our second child.
I dont' think I would have been willing to cross those lines if I hadn't quit in the first place. We could have easily revisited and decided to adopt (was not a good choice for our family at this time) or to just be a one child family... but giving up gave me so much time to grieve and think (and do a lot of therapy) and get to where I needed to be. It was nice not to feel like my life was ruled by TTC (it was ruled by autism for that year actually) and when I went back, i was a different person, with different resolve. (and I beat that dragon!).
Anyway, i hope some time away from it gives you peace and perspective. you never know where it will lead you. <3