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i was wondering

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 

Here at mothering.com it seems like we are all great moms who parent thoughtfully, eat healthy, responsibly vaccinate or not vaccinate, try to keep our babies environments non toxic etc.....  Why is it that our babies seem to be high needs babies that don't sleep? haha.  Is there correlation?  are we creating them?  or is it God/faith giving the best moms the most difficult babies because we are able to meet their needs.   Just wondering.......  Or are the other moms just lying about their perfect babies that sleep for 12h at night without waking them up? (my friend has one of those only 2 weeks older than mine)

 

mama of a very social poor sleeper 

post #2 of 12
We are probably more likely to put baby's needs first and BF on demand, cosleep, CD, and EC instead of using formula and pacifiers, sleep train/CIO, and use disposables into late toddlerhood because of convenience in the short term. I think most babies are pretty needy and this community of moms is more likely to respond to those needs even when it's not easy. My 15.5 month old BFs about six to eight times a day and is up two to four times a night. Most people who know this think I'm nuts to "put up with it". I prefer to let her reach milestones like STTN on her time. Just my two cents :-)
post #3 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by skycheattraffic View Post

I think most babies are pretty needy and this community of moms is more likely to respond to those needs even when it's not easy.

I agree with this.
post #4 of 12

Well, I would say I am a very on demand and healthy and "green" habits mommy in more aspects than just feeding, but my baby girl has been sleeping through the night since 8 weeks (six hours) and at 12 weeks until now at 4 months she sleeps on average 10-12 every. single. night.

 

I think on forums, you may find that people post what they are struggling with, and for babies a lot of times that is sleep! I dont really think its that the moms that have babies sleeping are somehow being neglectful LOL

 

For example, my daughter hardly ever cries, but I struggle to get her to "like" baby wearing for more than 30-60 minutes at a stretch, and she cries...it bothers me because its so unusual for her to get that upset, so I post about that. A mom that doesnt have issues with baby wearing wont post about it. And same with sleep. Healthy moms that dont have issues with sleep for baby dont necessarily post because they either cant relate or dont really know why their baby sleeps when "so many" others seem to be having trouble. KWIM

 

Now, I dont know if you are asking for input from those that have "good sleepers", but I have started thinking about this because I wonder what may have been different with my routine from other routines. As far as how I got DD to sleep...I really think its a combo of personality, and that somehow they learn to self soothe... though this is obviously easier for some babies than others. My daughter woke up every 2-4 hours for the first 8 weeks. She always woke up when I placed her in crib (I don't do co-sleeping for several reasons, personal choice though I know), and if she cried (not for hunger) when I placed her in bed, I didnt pick her back up but rather continued singing or stroking her or patting her, usually immediately helping her stop crying, and she would fall back asleep. If she woke up again and cried, I would do the same thing. If she woke up a third time (or if my singing or whatever didnt work) and cried I would get her up, rock her until she was asleep and repeat, repeat, repeat. On the night of her 8 week birthday she went to bed and never needed me to help soothe her, and she has been doing that ever since. I think she learned to self-soothe and now I just put her in her to bed and she snuggles into bed, I watch her on the monitor as she nuzzles her hand or stares into the night and peacefully, no crying, falls asleep...but this is easier said than done for some little ones, so I am by no means saying that it was my technique...rather that its NOT because mommy would NOT get up and let the baby cry it out or something of that nature. I do think so much of it is personality of the babe.

 

All that said...Im sure its incredibly frustrating to be doing everything RIGHT and baby just will NOT sleep, darnet! Good Luck~Smiles.

post #5 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by skycheattraffic View Post

We are probably more likely to put baby's needs first and BF on demand, cosleep, CD, and EC instead of using formula and pacifiers, sleep train/CIO, and use disposables into late toddlerhood because of convenience in the short term. I think most babies are pretty needy and this community of moms is more likely to respond to those needs even when it's not easy. My 15.5 month old BFs about six to eight times a day and is up two to four times a night. Most people who know this think I'm nuts to "put up with it". I prefer to let her reach milestones like STTN on her time. Just my two cents :-)

 

Can you tell me what STTN stands for? Ive been trying to figure it out, but think it means reaching milestones in their own time or something. Im definately in this camp, so just curious...

post #6 of 12
Oh yeah I didn't mean to imply that moms with babies who sleep through the night are neglecting them, just that moms who post on mothering are less likely to use CIO to get baby to STTN. I had 2 glorious weeks of 8 hour sleeps around 4 months but she started teething and the norm has been 3 to 4 hour stretches or less ever since.
I also agree that people post about problems so the only time STTN would be an issue (that i can think of) is with a newborn who isn't gaining weight well. Anyways, it's midnight and we just got through wake up no 2 so I'm off to sleep :-)
post #7 of 12
Yep, I agree! Funny how writing can affect tone! But I did realize its all for encouragement wink1.gif

Also, I should prolly start another thread but interested in the "reach milestones at own pace" thing....any helpful books or thoughts. I totally agree with this philosophy including STTN
post #8 of 12
Oh sorry I missed a post. Not hard with a toddler :-). STTN stands for sleeping through the night. Technically it means baby sleeping for 6 or more hours at a time without waking. Some people however use it to mean sleeping from bedtime to morning without waking at all (so usually somewhere between 10 to 14 hours or so depending on the baby's rhythms). My two weeks of 8 hour stretches counts as STTN even though baby was up once most nights. Hope that helps clear things up and sorry about the delay :-)
post #9 of 12
Haha! No problem, my post about STTN was "held because a new member!
post #10 of 12

So, I'll agree with the previous posters who suggeted that you see posts about sleep issues and needy babies because that's what people struggle with... my kid has slept through the night from Day One (I'm not kidding), but I'm not going to start a thread bragging about it... I'm more likely to ask questions about vaccines, or natural remedies, or how to deal with grandma, etc... because those are my interests and/or struggles. I don't think AP has anything to do with those problems because needy babies are everywhere. Just out of curiosity, are you comparing MDC to another site that has fewer high needs posts? Remember, correlation is not necessarily causation... :)

post #11 of 12

people don't complain when all is going well! i have 4 kids, 2 were great sleepers and 2 were horrible. all parented the same...held, fed on demand, co-slept if needed, i sure wasn't complaining about the two good sleepers!

post #12 of 12

I agree, generally the people who are hanging around here are the people who need advice because they're having difficulties. I know that when things are going great I generally don't visit this site at all. :) I know this is true of the 'family bed' forum - it's a bunch of sleep deprived mamas pleading for help. No news is good news.
 

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