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A Saner 2ww: Sturgeon Moon - Page 3

post #41 of 73

Thanks all for your kind words and good wishes. writinglove, thanks for the link...would love to join the conversation there, and I'm looking forward to more ladies from this thread joining us over there soon too!

post #42 of 73
Sandy - Congratulations!!!

Keeptryst - Congratulations!!! I enjoyed the blog article you posted and it gave me a lot to think about. Thank you.

Happy - I haven't yet been able to find a GF bread that I like. Some of them even look decent but taste horrible. I am in Germany - haven't seen Udi's bagels here, but we do have Schar and Glutano products. I have found some GF pastas which are great. I do miss bread A LOT. We have great fresh-baked bread in all the bakeries here, and I miss it. I've been trying quite a few GF recipes I've found online, and I do enjoy discovering new recipes, etc. so I try to focus on that. I am still not really content about being GF, I have to admit.

AFM - My temp dropped on Friday so it was no surprise when AF showed a few hours later. I was pretty bummed about it, but heard some news which put my personal pity party into perspective. One of my friends has been in a custody battle with her abusive ex-husband and she lost her children. She is an awesome woman and an awesome mama, and those kids are her world. That sure put things into perspective for me. I spent the rest of the day being grateful for all that is good and right in my life. Focusing on the good instead of what I don't have - which, as we all know, is sometimes hard on this ttc journey. It is hard to remain positive and keep a peaceful attitude about ttc when you're entering your 34th cycle of trying, and I have to chuckle a little when I see posts in Ttc threads which say something like "I've been ttc for three cycles with no luck; I am desperate for my bfp!"... not because I don't believe their frustration is valid but because I've been there so many times now that there is almost a calmness to the frustration now, if that makes any sense. So........ I am on cd05 today and my first accupuncture appointment is next Tuesday. I decided to put the focus on refreshing the romance in our marriage this month. It has gotten to the point where we usually only bd for ttc during fertile days and don't bother the rest of the time. It's hard when you have a 2-1/2 yr old who will not go to bed before 10:30pm (whether he naps or not!), co-sleeps, AND wakes if you aren't there with him.
post #43 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThePeacefulMama View Post

AFM - My temp dropped on Friday so it was no surprise when AF showed a few hours later. I was pretty bummed about it, but heard some news which put my personal pity party into perspective. One of my friends has been in a custody battle with her abusive ex-husband and she lost her children. She is an awesome woman and an awesome mama, and those kids are her world. That sure put things into perspective for me. I spent the rest of the day being grateful for all that is good and right in my life. Focusing on the good instead of what I don't have - which, as we all know, is sometimes hard on this ttc journey. It is hard to remain positive and keep a peaceful attitude about ttc when you're entering your 34th cycle of trying, and I have to chuckle a little when I see posts in Ttc threads which say something like "I've been ttc for three cycles with no luck; I am desperate for my bfp!"... not because I don't believe their frustration is valid but because I've been there so many times now that there is almost a calmness to the frustration now, if that makes any sense. So........ I am on cd05 today and my first accupuncture appointment is next Tuesday. I decided to put the focus on refreshing the romance in our marriage this month. It has gotten to the point where we usually only bd for ttc during fertile days and don't bother the rest of the time. It's hard when you have a 2-1/2 yr old who will not go to bed before 10:30pm (whether he naps or not!), co-sleeps, AND wakes if you aren't there with him.

I call upon the practice of gratitude when I am frustrated. Initially it's hard to believe what I'm writing but it helps me take a step back and consider that I really am blessed to have it this good.

It makes sense to me when you say there is a calmness to the frustration. It sounds like you're letting go of it as soon as you acknowledge it.

Romance, I can speak to that. At some point you have to remember that being intimate with your partner used to be fun, that before TTC the only reason for DTD was to have fun and connect.

 

AFM: AF should be here by the end of the day and I was feeling pretty down this morning about the temp dip. Then I went to ballet class and my teacher was wearing a shirt that said: "This too shall pass". It was the perfect thing for me to see and it really helped me feel better. I think that's what will get me through today, I'll just repeat that as my mantra. This too shall pass.

post #44 of 73

Thank you, Writinglove.  I hadn't thought of that before.  I don't know numerology either but it sounds good to me!  August is also our 6-year anniversary.  We're going out for a steak dinner to celebrate.  I hope we have 1 more reason to celebrate.  Today is CD 6 and so far, so good.  You could say I'm six days pregnant since they start counting from the first day of you LMP.  I downloaded some new meditations for conception and fertility, and I plan on listening to those soon.  I think keeping my stress to a minimum is very important for me.  I made an extra acupuncture appointment too.  That is a great stress reliever for me. 

 

Sending peaceful, calming vibes (and baby dust) to everyone.

post #45 of 73
Hmm, well, I am waiting for af. I tested 2 days ago at what should have been 14 dpo (usually af is here 12-13 dpo) and got a bfn. Strange to be still waiting, but I don't really feel pregnant and don't want to get my hopes up. Most conservative estimate based on cm is dpo 16 tomorrow. I guess it's still wait and see!
post #46 of 73

Hello Everyone!  It's been kind of quiet around here.  I will assume you are all feeling sane and peaceful.  I officially entered my TWW yesterday.  I don't have a lot of plans other than acupuncture and a much-needed pedicure.  I might take a day off somewhere so I can chill at home.  So far, I am feeling fine.  How are all of you doing?

post #47 of 73

Yeah, it does seem like it's been quiet, in the ONE thread as well... Maybe everyone's on vacation.

I have been feeling pretty zen since last week. I'm actually putting a lot of faith into these little procedures I'm having done today to find out what's going on with my parts. Knowing that I'm looking into it, and not just blindly hoping each month, helps.

The hardest part is acknowledging that some things are out of your control. You can do the best you can and then fate takes over...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you, pokeyAC, may you have a peaceful 2WW and a positive outcome!

post #48 of 73

Thank you, dakipode.  I hope your procedures go smoothly and they aren't too stressful.  I also hope you gain some insight into what is happening in your body that helps your dreams come true!

post #49 of 73
I'm back to waiting to O. I have always followed a typical 28 day cycle but my last two cycles have been 42 and 41. eyesroll.gif Not cool to take up long cycles when you are just starting to ttc. Messes with my mind! But I'm trying to go with the flow lol.gif
post #50 of 73

Hi Ladies :)

What an awesome space you've carved out here!  We're currently TTC #3 after a surprise pregnancy and subsequent loss at 7 weeks in July.  After the loss, we decided that we'd like to try for a third even though we'd always planned on having two.

 

I'm an obsesser and am trying to relax and take the ttc journey as it unfolds.  All of your posts have been inspiring!  While I really would love to have another baby, I want to be able to accept peacefully that it may not happen this month or at all. 

 

I'm nearing the end of my TWW and am starting to dwell on every twinge.  I need to print off some of your comments as meditations and try to focus on the two girls I have instead of symptoms.

post #51 of 73

Wanted to share with you ladies this great conversation I had with my friend today.

I was telling her about the TTC journey and how much of an emotional roller coaster it is and she pointed out that it was almost as if I was talking about it like a life or death matter. The truth is that is how it feels sometimes (okay, most of the time), i.e. that my life would be over if I couldn't be a parent (through conceiving or adoption) and she said: "Imagine how your husband feels about that." I finally got that. Regardless of the outcome of this TTC journey, whether I end up being a parent or not, I still have to be happy with myself and my life outside of that, I chose my husband as my life partner, not as my sperm donor and/or potential father of my child(ren). It's always been without question that I would be a parent but what if, for whatever reason, it never happens? Will I consider myself a failure?

It got me to consider the zen part of TTC a bit more. I get so focused on what I want and achieving that goal. But now I feel like it might be good for me to consider the other scenario, not because I want to create a worst case scenario but because I feel I must consider whether I could be at peace if that were the case, or more appropriately HOW I could make peace with that.

post #52 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by dakipode View Post

Wanted to share with you ladies this great conversation I had with my friend today.

I was telling her about the TTC journey and how much of an emotional roller coaster it is and she pointed out that it was almost as if I was talking about it like a life or death matter. The truth is that is how it feels sometimes (okay, most of the time), i.e. that my life would be over if I couldn't be a parent (through conceiving or adoption) and she said: "Imagine how your husband feels about that." I finally got that. Regardless of the outcome of this TTC journey, whether I end up being a parent or not, I still have to be happy with myself and my life outside of that, I chose my husband as my life partner, not as my sperm donor and/or potential father of my child(ren). It's always been without question that I would be a parent but what if, for whatever reason, it never happens? Will I consider myself a failure?

It got me to consider the zen part of TTC a bit more. I get so focused on what I want and achieving that goal. But now I feel like it might be good for me to consider the other scenario, not because I want to create a worst case scenario but because I feel I must consider whether I could be at peace if that were the case, or more appropriately HOW I could make peace with that.

 

Interesting that you should bring this up. I have been thinking about this since last cycle - I had a chemical pregnancy. DH and I are 41 and 36 and have been ttc for over a year. This was our first pregnancy and loss. I've really become aware of how I've approached this as all or nothing.  Like you - my whole life I just knew I was going to be a Mom. I feel DESPERATE. Like I'm grasping constantly. If I can't be a mom then I am incomplete. Its forced me to look at some very old childhood programming about roles of women. In my home, You got married early and had lots of babies. That was who you are. It was what you are on this earth for. Some very strong stuff that can drive emotions to many different areas! My week has been spent ripping this old stuff up - because it no longer belongs to me! In fact it never did.....Gratitude ( your other post, lol) is replacing it. I'm so thankful to have a husband that not only listens to all of this, but draws it out further for me. So thankful for our wonderful 18 years together. So thankful that he understands where this crap came from and can help me release it! So thankful that he is the one on this path with me. Still don't know how I will deal with it if I can't become a mom. But that is for another day. Today I am one step closer to understanding.

post #53 of 73

Hi all- I was on vacation, so that's why I didn't post. I'm currently in limbo- CD30, no Af, no BFP. I'm trying not to think too much about it, but that's hard.

post #54 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by dakipode View Post

Wanted to share with you ladies this great conversation I had with my friend today.

I was telling her about the TTC journey and how much of an emotional roller coaster it is and she pointed out that it was almost as if I was talking about it like a life or death matter. The truth is that is how it feels sometimes (okay, most of the time), i.e. that my life would be over if I couldn't be a parent (through conceiving or adoption) and she said: "Imagine how your husband feels about that." I finally got that. Regardless of the outcome of this TTC journey, whether I end up being a parent or not, I still have to be happy with myself and my life outside of that, I chose my husband as my life partner, not as my sperm donor and/or potential father of my child(ren). It's always been without question that I would be a parent but what if, for whatever reason, it never happens? Will I consider myself a failure?

It got me to consider the zen part of TTC a bit more. I get so focused on what I want and achieving that goal. But now I feel like it might be good for me to consider the other scenario, not because I want to create a worst case scenario but because I feel I must consider whether I could be at peace if that were the case, or more appropriately HOW I could make peace with that.

 



I can relate to this too. It took us 2.5 years to conceive DS1 (I was 30 when I started trying, had 2 m/c and an ectopic). I finally had to get to the point where I would be okay if it didn't happen. Getting to that point and feeling okay with it was pretty important. I think it took a while to get there, and it's not like we magically got pregnant with a viable pregnancy as soon as I did. It was a long, hard road. 

post #55 of 73

JustJenny and porcelina: thank you for your encouraging words and sharing your stories. I'm still struggling with this and I haven't had this conversation with DH yet. I want to but I'm also afraid that he'll take it as a free pass to not have kids, and that's certainly not the intention.

 

Deborah: hope you get some answers soon.

 

AFM: I'm about to start the 2WW. I need to look into getting that haircut I talked about two months ago! We're also planning a trip towards the end of 2WW but seeing that it's never 2 weeks for me I don't know if that's a good thing. On the one hand it could help me keep my mind off things but on the other hand it might be after AF starts... No point in worrying about it now though.

I think I'll make a list of things to accomplish/complete in the next two weeks, then I'll be able to focus on the list and tasks and not think about whether I'm hungry or not and whether that means anything... smile.gif

post #56 of 73

I feel like my TWW went pretty well.  I listened to my meditations, got a pedicure, took it easy generally.  Then, I got a BFN yesterday and AF is starting today. I'm glad it happened yesterday when I could spend the whole day with my DW and we didn't have anything we needed to do.  We're both pretty disappointed and sad.  We tried to take a walk on the beach but it was too windy and the rough sand hurt our feet so we went shopping instead.  We got new sheets and towels and a rug for the bathroom.  Retail therapy was kind of nice.  We got some cake too.  We're taking this month off so I plan to get some exercise and take care of myself without worrying too much about charts and such.

post #57 of 73

pokey: hug2.gif sorry about AF starting. Sounds like you had a nice time being emotionally connected to your DW and you ladies were able to share your grief. Cake and shopping are always good too! Enjoy spending time on yourself this month!

 

AFM: haircut, oil change, optometrist appt all scheduled! My task list is made and I'm ready to make this the most productive 2WW ever! Of course I'll probably be spending plenty of time here every day, but I'm determined to get that to do list under control!

post #58 of 73

Ooh!  I love getting my hair cut, especially the scalp massage!  I just love having someone play with my hair.  It's so relaxing.  Enjoy!

post #59 of 73

AF is here. Starting the IVF process again on the 30th. Feeling pretty zen about it too namaste.gif.

post #60 of 73

Deborah, I'm sorry you didn't get your "free" baby this month, but it's good to have a plan for the future.  I wish you all the best for a successful IVF!

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