Please note, Linda, that all through this thread I have been talking about my own experience with my children and not generalizing to other families. I speak from my experience, about what has worked for my children, about what has been necessary for them. I've said it over and over. "For me.... " or "With my children... " or "I see my job as a parent..." etc.. I was challenged on my own interaction with my own kids: do they never do things they don't want to do? do I use my feelings to get my own way with them? etc. and so I've been defending my own practices and explaining why they work and how they work for me.
My first post in this thread said it in a nutshell: "I have never found the need to use them with my own kids. Sure, sometimes families are able to use bribes and move beyond them without any negative consequences but personally I'd rather find other ways and not risk it. To each her own, though."
The only time I offered up any observation about others is to say that I see many parents who move too quickly to bribes when another form of giving tangibility to the work would suffice. In this I'm speaking from my experience with violin students and their parents: if a kid doesn't want to repeat something 100 times on violin, they pull out the M&Ms. The next week at lesson they tell me about their struggles, so I give them my set of marble-jars to use and the kid turns out to be far happier counting that way.