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Depression/Anxiety Support Thread--How are you doing today? - Page 3

post #41 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by rightkindofme View Post

I have PTSD and GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) with occasional bouts of Major (and Minor) Depression. Woo. My stuff is probably 90%+ trauma related. I was raped many times as a child by many people. I have a lot of self-worth issues if I am not having sex with every man who flicks his finger at me.

 

During my first pregnancy I was sick all the time and I was in horrible pain. I lost 18 pounds by the end of the second trimester. I started off at 184 so this wasn't considered all that worrisome. I started acupuncture in the third trimester and my life got better. But I was on bed rest for the last two months. Thus my anxiety and panic attacks were very minimal. I was bored and lonely and depressed, but I didn't have all that much to be anxious about. I sat around with a laptop doing research on every aspect of parenting I could think about. My husband works long hours so I had about 60 hours a week by myself to research pregnancy, parenting, and dealing with my mental health shit while having kids.

 

Between my kids I started smoking pot for the first time in my life. I smoked through my second pregnancy with the full awareness and support of my midwife and therapist and prescribing doctor (I'm in California--this is legal here.) I feel kind of weird about it because pot is still so stigmatized, but I truly feel like it is a wonder drug. I have more of a life now than I ever have. I tried a wide variety of western meds for my psych issues and the side effects made life not worth living. Pot levels out my anxiety and gives me a slight pause in my thinking so that I have to consciously decide how to react to things. Yes, I'm doped up. (I don't drive stoned.) Every anxiety medication dopes you up. That's the point. But I hate smoking and my lungs are clearly irritated. It's been about three years now of smoking. I'm trying to figure out how to transition onto pills or edibles in some way but it's a lot more expensive and I don't have a whole lot of money to blow on drugs. Heh. Smoking is about a $10/week habit for me.

 

Even with pot (because I can't actually be stoned all the time, unfortunately) I still have significant variance in my days. Some days I cry a lot all day. I can't completely hide it from my kids. I'm honest and age appropriate. "Mommy's brain doesn't work quite like everyone else's because of stuff that happened a long time ago. Everyone develops differently. My brain likes me to cry a lot. It's really annoying." It's hard.

 

I have a hard time believing that growing up with me could be better than being free of me. Aren't I bad? Aren't I damaging just by existing? All of my life people have told children to stay away from me because I was bad. That started when I was three years old. It's never really stopped. One of the neighbors won't let her kid play with my daughter any more. (I tried to address her daughter physically intimidating my daughter. I guess they think I should have shut up and tolerated it. I *am* willing to work on issues with difficult children--but I want to talk about it and be honest and proactive.)

 

Yesterday while I was out running six separate men or boys took the trouble to call out insults. Dyke. Lesbian. Whore. Bitch. A variety of things in Spanish I didn't parse. I am training for a marathon. These were men in my neighborhood harassing me. I feel very unsafe now. Today I ran at the gym. I feel scared. I feel like I am just crouching in the corner waiting for the next time someone will rape me. All of these men are so fucking scary. They all feel the need to let me know over and over that my sexuality is available to them for comment. I have known too many men who didn't stop there. I feel very afraid in the world.

I feel a real sorrow in my heart for you. You have been through so much horror. But you amaze me - you are doing so well despite it all. You're training for a marathon! That's a bigger achievement than most could ever accomplish. And instead of not running, you went to the gym - again, a very admirable thing to do bc most people would just stay home. Pot is great - that's why it's available for people who need it. I'm sure you've looked into ways to filter it somewhat to reduce the negative effects of smoking. I wish I had advice. What you tell your children sounds perfect and honest. You may worry about them seeing you cry so much, but witnessing honest expressions of emotions is far better than not letting it out. Life is no Disney land and that's a perfectly sound message for your children to learn. It will keep them safe and aware. And being proactive to keep your daughter safe is something you should totally be proud of. 

 

As for the guys in your neighbourhood - that IS scary and would certainly make me feel very afraid in the world, too. Can you protect yourself with an alarm and pepper spray to have with you when you're running? Just having it might help you feel less vulnerable. Training for a marathon at the gym is no fun. 

 

I'm sending you many hugs and feelings of peace. I hope you had a good day and that tomorrow is good, too. xoxo

post #42 of 70
My therapist yesterday brought up a very unwelcoming point that "is it right for you to bring a child into this world with your inability to handle simple life challenges. You have to think of the other individual involved here". I was irritated to say the least. I guess every major decision in my life should be avoided since I have anxiety and panic attacks. Urgh!!!!
post #43 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by ERRN84 View Post

My therapist yesterday brought up a very unwelcoming point that "is it right for you to bring a child into this world with your inability to handle simple life challenges. You have to think of the other individual involved here". I was irritated to say the least. I guess every major decision in my life should be avoided since I have anxiety and panic attacks. Urgh!!!!

That is a very negative way to think rather than considering all the wonderful things you could give a child. I am sure you have so much to give a child. When I was in my early 20s I got pregnant with stbx. When I went to my wonderful family doctor about it, she said "Don't make a decision that you will regret for the rest of your life" - leaving it totally open for me to consider what I truly believed and wanted. Stbx pressured me into having an abortion against my wishes :(  I regret it to this day. I always think about how much I had to offer as a parent while stbx and the abortion counsellor kept telling me how little I had to give the child. Of course I am grateful for the children I have now and would never want to replace them. But, I still have a lot of regret. I think what my doctor told me is a good thing for you to consider.

 

Do you have support around you? Friends and family that could help when/if things get tough as a parent? If you want a baby, I think you should be working with your therapist to develop a plan and support network. Maybe you should raise this with her/him next time.... or find a more supportive therapist, because ideally you would want to have a therapist who will support you through the transition to motherhood. xo

post #44 of 70

rightkindofme:  http://www.amazon.com/Latest-Model-Magic-Flight-Launch/dp/B0029NRM2U/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1345827454&sr=8-1&keywords=magic+flight+launch+box  thumb.gif  Save your lungs.  I don't have one but a close friend of mine who has a green card for her severe panic disorder uses the vape to save her asthmatic lungs.  She adores it.  I'm a runner too(just completed my second half last weekend) and I know the fear of being attacked while running.  I like trail running specifically but I won't go unless I have someone with me.  I like to run with my sister and 2 of her dogs because I feel safer.  I also won't run in the dark and when in the summer when you have to run before the heat, I run alongside busy roads just because I feel a litle safer since it's so early in the morning and deserted.  There's a whole OCD routine/compulsion regarding my running that I won't get into but I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in your fears.  

Regarding the kids.......*sigh*  I don't know.  My kids are 12, 7, and 4.  They know mama gets stressed out and angry.  They probably don't realize it's fear-based though.  They do know I take meds so that I don't get stressed out, meds that make me not yell so much. I think they like me more when I'm medicated.  When i get really overwhelmed my negative thought cycle tells me to just drop them at their dad's and drive as far as humanly possible before the gas and money run out because their lives would be better without me.  I feel like I complicate their lives and force them to be older than they are by having to deal with mental health problems.  But I have to tell myself that I love them and they love me and a broken mama is better than no mama at all right????

post #45 of 70

Hi everyone,

 

I joined this site and posted a thread yesterday about being scared if I'd be able to manage a baby.  I have generalized anxiety, and have been managing it fairly well up until about a week ago.  I am able to manage when things are going well....meaning, "smooth, routine, unchanging".  My husband really wants to have kids; he's aware that I'm not ready and I've told him that I may never be ready.  He knows that I'm an anxious person and he's seen me melt down over many things.  He thinks that we've always managed and would be able to manage kids too.  I just keep thinking that it's bad enough when I have a meltdown, but at least right now it's just me, him and my adult friends that know about it.  I can't imagine having to be "pulled together" in front of my kids when all I may want to do is crumble.  I'm scared I'd always be scared and end up not focusing on their best interest (not on purpose, but just because I'm busy panicking and worrying).

 

I'm afraid to go for it and have a baby and end up a basket case and anxious and depressed forever and I'm afraid of not going for it because my fears are getting the better of me and I'm not thinking rationally and maybe I would be an okay parent after all.  I'm afraid of making the "wrong" decision - especially because it doesn't only involve me.

 

For those of you who have experienced anxiety, what do you think?  Do you think it's a bad idea to try and be a parent when you know you're susceptible to this?  I'm so much more emotional than rational!

post #46 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by ERRN84 View Post

I'm wondering how all you guys coped with these feelings while pregnant? I want to start a family but my panic is rediculous! When I have anxiety attacks I can't eat, have constant diarrhea, and all the other symptoms you're all familiar with. How can I carry a baby feeling this way?! And my drug choices are limited although I've pretty much decided I'll have to stay on cymbalta (which is the only med that's ever helped my panic)!

I just posted and am feeling the same as you - just the thought of being a parent is making me feel sick.  My appetite has been less, my stomach has been upset.  I'm scared of so many things, one of which is how would my anxiety affect a baby - I know it can cause early labour and low birth weight.  I keep thinking that all of the anxiety isn't worth it for me but am trying to make a decision based on sane, rational reasons, not my panicked, blown out of proportion fears.  So effing hard.

post #47 of 70

For me having children was a biological imperative. My body wanted nothing but kids (I'm very compulsively sexual) but I was very careful about birth control until I found a good "baby daddy".

 

I am diagnosed with Complex PTSD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I probably have very different triggers than you. Mine really is trauma based. I had that bad of a childhood. So I'm triggered in a lot of the parenting stuff but it is specifically very healing for me to be present and stay calm and learn how to be with my kids. I'm giving them the childhood I should have had and in the process I'm forgiving myself for a lot of things. No, I wasn't to blame. No I wasn't a terrible failure. No, I wasn't bad. I was just a kid. Oh, this is what a four year old acts like. I can see why that drove my mother insane (she had a very bad life) but I can forgive myself for the beatings and berating language. No, I didn't deserve it. So hanging out with a couple of little kids full time is just about the most peaceful I have ever been in my life.

 

I have managed to compartmentalize my anxiety. I blog a lot. I post on MDC a lot during bad periods (I feel convinced that most people here hate me and are sick of hearing me whine but it's a public place and I've never been asked to leave so neiner to you all! *ahem* When I'm freaking out I try to mostly hide it from my kids. If they seem to be reacting funnily to me I will say, "I'm feeling a little off today. Do I seem a little off to you?" Then we talk about it. I'm pretty clear with my kids that sometimes my brain does unusual things. All people are different. Some people have brown hair. Some people have brown skin. Some people cry at random times and in random ways. It just happens. *shrug* I don't talk about my early trauma, I specifically believe that is inappropriate. But I have to be clear with them that *I'm not normal* because I don't want them completely adjusting to me and then having trouble with other people. It's kind of weird how this works in my head.

 

I have no idea if I am screwing up my kids. They seem extremely happy. I don't know how to judge. They really like me.

post #48 of 70

Off the current topic, but... omg. I am an emotional wreck. I feel torn open and raw. Something occurred to me tonight as ds1 and I were lying in his bed snuggling after he had one of his horrible, violent, and verbally abusive outbursts. He told me all kinds of horrible things that sounded just like his dad. It was so hard to take even though I know these outbursts are the product of pent up stress and I'm the only safe person he can release it to. It ripped me apart tonight because he said so many of the exact same things stbx tells me (complaints) in the exact same way (abusively). But then he broke down and became intensely remorseful. 

 

What struck me while we were lying there, was just how much he and I have been through together. He and I have been at the receiving end of stbx's abuse forever and often together because I would try to stop the abuse directed at ds1 and then stbx would always turn on me. I would always console him and he would beg me to get a divorce.

 

Finally. It's finally happening. 

 

It's scary and I feel so vulnerable, especially after this latest meltdown. I know the kids will always love me no matter what but I can't help but fear there will be a distance and they will favour stbx and all his fun toys and fun friends and exciting trips and late bedtimes. 

 

It's tough. I'm not so sure how I am going to get through the next week emotionally. I really don't. I feel so weak right now. How can I hold up my children and face my abuser? It's too much. Tomorrow I will get to do yoga and lots of biking so that is good. I hope it will help. I hope.

 

How are you all?


Edited by lilgreen - 8/31/12 at 1:40pm
post #49 of 70

Coping. I feel scared for you. My problems are all in my head compared to you. :-\

post #50 of 70
Thread Starter 

lilgreen, you can do this.  Stay strong.  Your kids love you and they will always love you.  We are here for you.
 

post #51 of 70
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilgreen View Post


What struck me while we were lying there, was just how much he and I have been through together. He and I have been at the receiving end of stbx's abuse forever and often together because I would try to stop the abuse directed at ds1 and then stbx would always turn on me. I would always console him and he would beg me to get a divorce.

 

 

Has stbx changed his behavior towards your children?  If he's putting on an act as super dad, will he be able to keep that up indefinitely?

post #52 of 70

lilgreen, I'm so sorry to hear about the behavior from your stbx.  Regarding the superdad mentality, it does start to get old.  My exhusband left when I was about 3 months pregnant with our 4 1/2 year old.  We have a 7 1/2 year old and a 12 year old too.  So in the last 5 years he's mostly been the great dad and I've been the mean mommy.  He lets them stay up late, watch hours of tv, has fun cable tv, takes them out shopping and buys them tons of stuff, buys them pizza and burger king and gives them Lucky Charms for breakfast.  I make them do their homework, eat their veggies, and don't have cable or enough money for random shopping trips and I limit their "screen time."  For the first 4 years or so, they didn't get it.  He definitely won them over by all the gifts and "treats." But last Christmas our THEN 6 year old had a christmas concert at school that dad "couldn't" attend because he had to work.  When she got off the phone with him she burst into tears and said, "why can daddy always take time off work for stupid stuff like the doctor and he can't get time off work for my concert?"  And she's right.  He's unreliable when it's more difficult.  He makes his own schedule and there was no reason he couldn't take the time for her concert.  He just didn't feel like driving all the way from work to her concert and back because it would mean 90 minutes minimum round-trip.  There's been little instances where he blows them off for stuff or tries to reschedule because he's selfish or doesn't plan well and just assumes they'll get over it.  But in the last year they've really begun to verbalize their discontent with it.  They still obviously love that daddy is the "fun one" and mommy is the one who makes them eat veggies and take showers and do things they don't enjoy but I'd like to think that they at least notice now that mommy is always there at the concerts and volunteering in their schools and driving them back and forth to practice 3 times a week and staying up late baking homemade bread and knitting them sweaters to keep them warm.  Every now and then one of them will thank me quite sincerely for something that "goes the extra mile" and it makes it all worth it in that moment when they see the extra hard work I do.  

 

*hugs*  It's hard.  It takes forever to have them appreciate you.  But it does happen eventually.  And they'll see through the gifts and vacations and treats someday to appreciate the hardworking mom who laid it all on the table for their and burned the candle at both ends for years to make ends meet.

post #53 of 70

lilgreen, wow, I went through some of the same things, about 10-12 years ago.  What I can offer is advise from someone who has been there and is on the other side (children are grown) I learned the hard way and wish I could have a redo on some issues. I suffered/suffer from panic and anxiety, and ocd. Being a single Mom with those issues is doubly hard. My vice was going out and men. About once or twice a week I needed some adult time and I would go out with friends etc. From time to time when I had a special man in my life I would introduce him to my children. Over the 10 to 12 years there were maybe 6 or 7 men. They didn't spend the night and the kids didn't see much interaction between us but what I have found out since, is that my daughter thought those things (men and going out)  were more important than her. That was not the case, I just needed an outlet. Young children don't understand and what I thought I was hiding and protecting them from was really causing more damage. Unfortunately we (single parents) are being judged more harshly than those who are married.  At the time I didn't know I was causing my daughter all those feelings, I would never have wanted her to feel second ! I guess what I am trying to say is we all need to make sure our children our first priority. I wish I would have thought more about that. What I thought I needed was ADULT time and actually I did it all wrong. I should have let my kids know I was struggling.   Love your kids, they will remember that, take the high road, kids will come around, even if the Ex's are filling their heads with negativity. Hang in there, I speak from experience, IT WILL GET BETTER. I at one time wanted to die, I can't believe I was ever that low !!!!

Blessings to you all. Lilgreen, you can do it !!! 

Peace!!

post #54 of 70

One more thing lilgreen. Don't back down as a parent, don't think for one minute that the kids will love the Ex more than you. Yes, at the moment he is the FUN DAD or has the FUN HOUSE ! In the long run that won't matter and it will come back to bite him .... I didn't have the money so the kids and I went for bike rides, long rides in the country, REAL STUFF, those times we could talk and really connect. THEY remember those times and like those most. DOING things together. Just walks, the park, those they will remember forever. Mine did/do !!!!!!!!!!!  This I know is true !

post #55 of 70

I too suffer from anxiety and depression.  I started taking paxil and am now on zoloft due to my pregnancy.  It was horrible switching meds and waiting for the zoloft to kick in. My depression has gotten worse since my pregnancy,..... hence my crazy hormones.  and im now experiencing insomnia which i believe was caused by increasing my meds which i lower back to 25mg.  Only ppl who go thru this truly undestands another person going thru this.  some of my friends just want me to "shake it off" ... easier said than done especially when ur not in my shoes. but thanks for sharing ur stories it makes me realize that im not alone... 

post #56 of 70

i havent posted for awhile but lately i am having such a hard time...i tend to close up and not want to talk when i get really depressed.  i have been taking lexapro for about 2yrs now but with all my life changes that have happened lately, i just seem so overwhelmed.  i am pregnant at the moment, which is great, but with the type of kids i have i am also worried and scared.  my oldest ds 9yo, is starting to do much better these days but has been diagnosed with anxiety and psychosis.  my middle ds 7yo, has been diagnosed with anxiety, odd, spd, and is borderline pdd.  he can get very violent and aggressive if his anxiety gets out of control.  (with my oldest two, their dad lives in wa...a few states away from us, and this is a huge trigger for my kids for when it comes times for visits.  they are a little better now then when they were younger, but it is just heart breaking to see.)  my youngest ds 16mo, was born with a cleft lip and palate and has already had 3 surgeries, is in physical therapy, will be starting speech therapy, just started butt scooting around, and is a very picky eater.   i love all my children, but am so worried that when this new baby is born that i will be so strung out.  a little more history for me is that we recently just moved to a small town in april due to my husbands job.  so no family, and still no friends really.  my husband is gone always for his job and when he is home, it is like he is trying to catch up with the kids and sleep.  i have just been so lonely with no one to talk to.  it's almost like a treat when i get to bring my kids to any of their doctor appts so that i have someone to talk to.  also lingering in the future is that my husband might be laid off this winter while work is slow.  it's like "come on already...just give me a break!  i just rented my house out to another family while my family is currently renting a small 3 bedroom apt with almost no yard.  then on top of it, all of my kids seem to have something going on with them and is a never endeing struggle and can be so draining.  my husband is never home due to his job and then might be laid off for about 4-5mo with a new baby on the way.  and then now my stupid depression is back in full swing...not wanting to eat (which would be no big deal but im pregnant and have already lost enough weight to fit back into my jeans), cant sleep, completely fatigued, cant stop crying, and the mood swings are bad.  i just want to relax and enjoy life again."  ok, sorry, vent over.  i called my ob doc a little bit ago and am just waiting to hear back from her so that i can up my meds.  im sure i should go talk to someone also, but between my kids i already have so many doctor and therapy appts every week.  sorry that this is long, but i just needed to let everything out.  my husband has a hard time understanding what i am going through so i don't like to burden him with all of this.  thanks for listening.

 

ps...i feel completely studpid because i keep crying non stop whenever i want to go get my hair cut.  i have not been able to get it cut since last october.  my husband was gone for his job for 6mo until we moved.  now i can not seem to be able to schedule one becuae my husbands schedule is so unpredictalbe.  it seems like i will go above and beyond to make things happen for everyone in my family except myself.  sorry, this has just been my big trigger lately. 

post #57 of 70
I get it. I cry over smaller things than hair cuts.I'm sorry. You are in a very hard spot. I'm sorry. greensad.gif
post #58 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by montanamomof3 View Post

i havent posted for awhile but lately i am having such a hard time...i tend to close up and not want to talk when i get really depressed.  i have been taking lexapro for about 2yrs now but with all my life changes that have happened lately, i just seem so overwhelmed.  i am pregnant at the moment, which is great, but with the type of kids i have i am also worried and scared.  my oldest ds 9yo, is starting to do much better these days but has been diagnosed with anxiety and psychosis.  my middle ds 7yo, has been diagnosed with anxiety, odd, spd, and is borderline pdd.  he can get very violent and aggressive if his anxiety gets out of control.  (with my oldest two, their dad lives in wa...a few states away from us, and this is a huge trigger for my kids for when it comes times for visits.  they are a little better now then when they were younger, but it is just heart breaking to see.)  my youngest ds 16mo, was born with a cleft lip and palate and has already had 3 surgeries, is in physical therapy, will be starting speech therapy, just started butt scooting around, and is a very picky eater.   i love all my children, but am so worried that when this new baby is born that i will be so strung out.  a little more history for me is that we recently just moved to a small town in april due to my husbands job.  so no family, and still no friends really.  my husband is gone always for his job and when he is home, it is like he is trying to catch up with the kids and sleep.  i have just been so lonely with no one to talk to.  it's almost like a treat when i get to bring my kids to any of their doctor appts so that i have someone to talk to.  also lingering in the future is that my husband might be laid off this winter while work is slow.  it's like "come on already...just give me a break!  i just rented my house out to another family while my family is currently renting a small 3 bedroom apt with almost no yard.  then on top of it, all of my kids seem to have something going on with them and is a never endeing struggle and can be so draining.  my husband is never home due to his job and then might be laid off for about 4-5mo with a new baby on the way.  and then now my stupid depression is back in full swing...not wanting to eat (which would be no big deal but im pregnant and have already lost enough weight to fit back into my jeans), cant sleep, completely fatigued, cant stop crying, and the mood swings are bad.  i just want to relax and enjoy life again."  ok, sorry, vent over.  i called my ob doc a little bit ago and am just waiting to hear back from her so that i can up my meds.  im sure i should go talk to someone also, but between my kids i already have so many doctor and therapy appts every week.  sorry that this is long, but i just needed to let everything out.  my husband has a hard time understanding what i am going through so i don't like to burden him with all of this.  thanks for listening.

 

ps...i feel completely studpid because i keep crying non stop whenever i want to go get my hair cut.  i have not been able to get it cut since last october.  my husband was gone for his job for 6mo until we moved.  now i can not seem to be able to schedule one becuae my husbands schedule is so unpredictalbe.  it seems like i will go above and beyond to make things happen for everyone in my family except myself.  sorry, this has just been my big trigger lately. 

Wow. I have felt this so many times - the crush of life. Other than the specifics, I swear I could have written this same post for it's expression of overwhelmingness many times in my life. You are dealing with so much right now and so much to come. I totally understand the seemingly irrational crying. Is there any opportunity to see a therapist/counsellor? Maybe even find one that you can talk to on the phone? I know that I could never schedule in haircuts either, but at some point I made it possible to start seeing a therapist. That made such a difference.

 

Also, when my marriage began ending, I was beyond overwhelmed. I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't eat, I couldn't play with my kids, I was numb. I know you're pregnant, so I don't know what you're options are, but I was prescribed wellbutrin as something to enhance the effects of my antidepressant (cymbalta). I know I used wellbutrin when I was nursing and it is used in many different combinations. I would really recommend asking your doctor about adding something, even if it's just for a short while to get you through this through until you're in a bit more of a stable situation and you are better equipped to help yourself. For me, it made all the difference in the world and I was/am able to move through the really rough patches.

 

I'm having trouble sleeping the past couple of nights. I need sleep. The kids return tomorrow after school, but my mom is here for a few days to help me. I finally collected all the furniture I need and my home feels like a home - a happier, brighter home. But tomorrow is MOnday and that means i need to return to dealing with serious matters - custody and ds1's psychological problems for which X is refusing to give consent for him to see any kind of therapist. I am so worried about him. I just keep trying to stay calm and loving yet firm, that's all I can do when he rages like he does. 

post #59 of 70

lilgreen you could always have your son at least talk with the school counselor.  i know it is a small step, but it is someone at least.  my oldest son has used the school counselor on occasion, and it has never been about things that have happened at school.  Call yours and set up a meeting with just you and him/her and let them know the situation.  they are almost always willing to help. 

 

unfortunately i have been at this point in my life before, but since i was a child i had always been mentally on survival mode.  so much easier that way to handle stress and overwhelming situations.  but when i met and married my husband (been married for 3yrs now. is my 2nd marriage), i was finally able to relax, enjoy life, and not worry how bills were going to be payed, if i would have enough food to put on the table for my kids, or even if the police would be knocking on my door or arresting my ex husband.  i have to say that life is so much more enjoyable now, but i have had to relearn how to cope in difficult situations.

 

keep your head up lilgreen.  i promise things will get better even though it might never seem that way.  one thing i have to say is to keep a very accurate journal of when, where, and what your stbx says or does.  i never did this and so wish i would have.  every phone call, every visit, and anything he says in person.  the good stuff along with the bad.  make sure to have the date and time of when it happened.  even your ds blowouts.  just buy one big notebook.  that way if there is ever a custody battle, you will have all the proof you need of the things that has happened and with it being so detailed the judge will have a hard time disproving it.  it's never too late to start.

post #60 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsanespaul View Post

I too suffer from anxiety and depression.  I started taking paxil and am now on zoloft due to my pregnancy.  It was horrible switching meds and waiting for the zoloft to kick in. My depression has gotten worse since my pregnancy,..... hence my crazy hormones.  and im now experiencing insomnia which i believe was caused by increasing my meds which i lower back to 25mg.  Only ppl who go thru this truly undestands another person going thru this.  some of my friends just want me to "shake it off" ... easier said than done especially when ur not in my shoes. but thanks for sharing ur stories it makes me realize that im not alone... 

Welcome!  I agree with you.  If you haven't gone through depression and anxiety, you cannot understand.  NO ONE wants to live with anxiety and depression.  It's not just about being nervous or sad.  It's not something you can just get over or "shake off."  And sometimes it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  *hugs*  We understand you here.  :)  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As for me, I had a tough week.  I had a fight with my therapist and I refuse to go back to him because I really just think the chemistry isn't right between us.  I didn't feel like I've gotten much from him in the last 6 months and I dread going and I basically ended up walking out mid-session last week.  So for the last week I've deal with the anxiety of that and wondering what my psychiatrist would say today about it.  I love her so much.  She was supportive.  Incredibly so.  And she gets me.  It puts me at ease, which feels amazing.  She always makes sure to tidy her office before I get there so I can focus on our conversations instead of mess and she doesn't make me feel like a crazy person.  And she sees how hard it is for me to come in to the office with a doctor phobia which is huge.  She told me today that she wasn't sure if I'd keep my appt after what happened with my therapist so she's really proud of me for being brave and for not avoiding the situation which is something I would have done 6 months ago.  That made me feel really good like I took control for a minute over the anxiety ya know?  So I'm taking a therapy break for a month and switching my meds and upping the dose aggressively and we'll re-evaluate in a month and I'll probably ask for a referral to another therapist.  I know I need to see a therapist to deal with the anxiety and ocd because meds aren't gonna "cure" anything but this last therapist has put such a bad taste in my mouth with therapy right now.  

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