help me ponder the best cosleeping situation - older kids and baby « Back to Group Discussions

[dmpkmom]

So I know I need to do something but I just can't decide the best approach. Currently I sleep in one bed w/ my oldest and youngest, one on each side of me. My hubby is in the other room.

My oldest has at least  partially coslept most all of her 5 years and had a horrible time of it when my son was born. But she will go to sleep with hubby or on the matttress on the floor of our cosleeping room. I just need to be there for her once or twice a night for a quick settle. So, I think she'll be fine.

My 2 yr old son will let hubby put him down IF he thinks I'm not in the house (I hide in the master bedroom) but he wakes 2-4x a night determined that I come to his side or its a horrible screaming fit that isn't worth it to any of us. 

Both my daughter and son sleep in the cosleeping bed for several hours a night w/out me there if I sneak away..either pregnancy insomia or I just wanna get out to the twin on the floor w/ my body pillow  or I have enough energy to venture into the master bedroom.

I would prefer to cosleep with a newborn but might consider a bassinet/side-car thing if that is the best/safest because of another child. In the earliest weeks, I'll be up changing  baby anyway, so setting baby in something isn't probably that awful unless its a hold-me newborn like my first that ONLY slept on me.

So options I'm played with:

1. move my oldest to the floor mattress permanently and try to co-sleep w/ my son and baby, possibly keeping baby in a side-car thing until a bit larger.

-downfall here is lots of noise in the cosleeping room if baby is having a hard time

-at least once a night my oldest will want a snuggle

-If I don't side-car, I think baby and I need to be on the side of the bed NOT against the wall so I don't have to struggle to get up to change or rock baby but I also don't trust a side-rail with a newborn. Which means me fearing baby will fall off..BTDT, not good for sleep or baby. So somehow i would need to think of a safe/sturdy way to have baby at my side but not at any risk.

2. let the two older kids continue in the cosleeping bed and have me and baby on the mattress on the floor

-downfall here is I worry a bit about the draft on the floor and/or a tiny, tiny, tiny chance that a big bro/sis could step on baby unless I use a moses basket or the like next to the bed.

-other downfall, I am sure I'll have to climb up to the big bed parts of the night, leaving baby by itself.

3. let the two older kids continue in the big cosleeping bed and move myself and baby back to the master

-downfall is I'll be back and forth between the two rooms all night long and may miss baby-squeaks to feed if I'm not right next to baby so baby will be in full cry mode when I get back to baby.

I wish i could just magically tell my older kids that daddy is their help at night now but...I just don't think it will work. We tried that w the birth of my son and it was a disaster.

[TheLightbearer]

Can daddy sleep in the big bed with the two siblings while you and baby sleep on the twin?  I'm working out a similar situation and my goal is to keep us all in the same room.  Our bedroom is basically going to be a BEDroom, lol.  All mattress, pretty much no room for other furniture.

[Monkey Keeper]

I wish i could just magically tell my older kids that daddy is their help at night now but...I just don't think it will work. We tried that w the birth of my son and it was a disaster.

Maybe you could experiment with daddy at night NOW since you've got a little bit of time before the baby arrives? Start off alternating or splitting nights somehow and make the kids, especially the older one, part of the decision on how to do it best.

[hoping4just1more]

I think the 2 previous posts are both great ideas. I am not sure what you should do. Or what I would do. Well I have to say honestly I have co-slept with all of my children until they stopped breast feeding which has always been right about 12 months. But I never slept much during those 12 months because I was always scared I or DH would roll on them. It happened a few times with DH rolling but since I slept so lightly out of fear DH always would get a swift punch to the back or chest if he got too close. I simply cannot imagine co-sleeping with a newborn + other children. I am a very paranoid person if you can't tell. 

Is hubby helpful enough to agree to trying to sleep with the kiddos? At least until LO is a little bigger? You should try out a few of your options now before LO is born and maybe this will give you a better idea of what your older children can handle or what is the best option for you and your family. 

[dmpkmom]

thank for thoughts.  Hubby is rotating w/ me for putting to bed and its going okay if they think i am gone.  He's also settled the younger one at his ritual 11 pm wake. But I fear how the 3-4 and 5-6  am wake would go, especially the 5-6 AM one b/c if either is super upset they  will be up for the day. We can try though..I just gotta get myself out of the room and not fall asleep w/ them, lol. That's been my weakness is falling back asleep with them.

the oldest has also spent a few nights w/ daddy by her choice. I do offer that option to her but almost always its no plus I must admit I'm having a hard time letting go myself/closing the door on this chapter of our lives. I love cosleeping, especially working full time its just a little extra quite kid time even if they are mostly asleep.

[ameliabedelia]

I think what I would do for the time being is take the big bed mattress off the frame and put it on the floor and lay it next to the twin mattress on the floor to make on really big bed.  Then I would put the 5 yo and 2 yo on the big mattress and you and baby sleep on twin.  That way if the two year old needs you, it would be easy to move over to the bigger mattress and the baby woudln't really be alone and you wouldn't need to worry about anyone stepping on the baby.  You may have to put something over the crack between the two beds so there is no dip the baby could fall into, but I think they make things specifically for that purpose.

The other option would be put 5 yo on twin mattress on floor, 2-yo with your DH and you with baby on bed, since it sounds like if your 2-yo is waking up several times a night, he still wants someone right next to him all night, so if he would be okay with your hubby doing that, that would be good.
 

[dmpkmom]

brining the co-sleeping bed back down to the floor is a good idea. it used to be that way until the inlaws came a yr ago and we never switched it back. I'm also gonna see if this sticks...5 yr old said she'll sleep w daddy.