Let's Talk About Sex « Back to Group Discussions

[STLmama225]

I am curious as to what others' experiences are with sex in this pregnancy. It's great? Not so much? You're doing it a lot? Hardly at all?

For me, it was fairly infrequent during the first trimester because I was so exhausted all the time and could fall asleep standing up. . However, the 2nd trimester has brought on a lot of libido and the sex has been fantastic! We're normally once-a-week type people, but I've been wanting it more often. Unfortunately DH's drive is still the same, so we're not DTD quite as often as I would prefer. Now that I have a pretty good sized belly (and some heartburn), were having to be more creative. It's challenging but fun!

[sere234]

Yeah, M/S and exhaustion made 1st trimester sex pretty rare. And since DST switched (back in March?) DS has been going to bed late, making it even more tough. Really wish we could get him back to a 8-9:00 bedtime but he's stuck on 10-11 now....

Anyway, things feel pretty great in this phase for me too! I think with all the influx of blood/swelling my vagina is a lot tighter so we are stuck with the doggy position anytime we DTD. Only way it isn't uncomfortable for me. That's the only bad part! Well, and maneuvering around the big belly! Otherwise things are fun when we make the time for DTD. BTW, we're pretty much once a week too. 

[Simonsez2u]

I have been like a teenage boy, always wanting or thinking about sex lately and like you ladies the sex has been fantastic. We are typically twice a week, morning sex people but for the past few months we have been lucky to have it once a week.  My three year old has been sneaking into bed with us and putting a damper on the morning sex. 

[oikophile]

Sex has been amazing when I have the time/energy to do it. I was so tired in the first trimester that we didn't do it very much at all. But recently the times we've gotten the chance have been phenomenal! I'm almost always too tired at night--afternoons are the best.

The last time, the sex was so great, but for a few hours afterward I had this terrible pain in my legs. I don't know if it was a sciatic nerve thing or what. My belly isn't very big, so we are still using missionary position, which is my favorite, but I think it may be time to try something else.

[jeunesdragons]

Yeah, I'm exactly like everyone here. For me, first trimester sex wasn't very fun because I was nauseous all the time. But now my hormones are raging and I feel otherwise healthy and normal, so we do it often.

Position-wise, we still use all the same ones we used to prefer (me on top was always our favorite and that's great because it's still very easy for me). My SO gets a bit freaked out about missionary though - he thinks he'll hurt the baby. He won't, but it bothers him so much it sucks the fun out of sex. So we don't do it in missionary anymore. Also, I find it hard to be on my hands and knees because I get some cramping, so we don't tend to do anything where I'll be in that position. Inside, things seem to feel... different? So sometimes it takes a bit of positioning before I'm comfortable. I think my cervix is more sensitive or tender, or something.

The only thing that really sucks is the fact that my breasts are so sore. He likes to touch them (and I used to like that, too), but these days if you don't touch them just so, they hurt, a lot. It's unfortunate because they're nice and big now and would be really fun to play with. Sometimes we can get away with it, but the next day they hurt ten times worse. Dammit!
 

[faithsstuff]

It's nice to get some honest experiances.  We are taking time with each other in a way we haven't for awhile.  Also ds has moved into into own bed/room during this pregnancy so that def contributes.  However, dtd wakes me up and gives me great energy while it knocks dh out.  Our sleep schedules are way off anyway ;)

Our positions have had to change (not a bad thing) as my hips are so achy.  I hear you on the breast issue, my nips hurt!  I do feel sexy and that is always nice, I wonder how I can hold to that after I pop.

[faldaste]

Originally Posted by oikophile 

The last time, the sex was so great, but for a few hours afterward I had this terrible pain in my legs. I don't know if it was a sciatic nerve thing or what. My belly isn't very big, so we are still using missionary position, which is my favorite, but I think it may be time to try something else.

I've have the sciatic nerve problem after sex at well and it's been the worst this pregnancy. I'm not that big either haven't gained much weight so I don't know what is making it so bad this time around. I find that if we have sex before bed, lying down for those eight or so hours of sleep (not that I sleep much these days!) reduces the sciatic pain. It is so unpleasant though and definitely doesn't motivate me to have sex!

[katealicia]

   In the first trimester I laughed scornfully every time DH suggested sex, but in the second trimester my libido has definitely increased, especially in the last month or so. Unfortunately, with a horrible UTI situation going on and the fact that we're in the middle of moving we haven't been able to DTD in forever! So stressful. Now I'm finally clear but I moved first and DH won't be here until the first weekend of August :( But I imagine that we'll want to make up for lost time, as long as it doesn't reinitiate the UTI problem.

   This is probably TMI, but DH is pretty big, and my cervix has been super tender this pregnancy. It doesn't help that I am carrying really low and baby just loves sitting right on top of my cervix. Missionary and doggy style used to be our favorites but that was before when it didn't really bother me when he hit my cervix occasionally (usually only when he gets carried away). Does anyone know any good positions for a combination of pregnancy and a larger/longer partner? Girl on top usually hurts my hips too much but it's not quite as bad now with the pregnancy hormones relaxing my joints.

[kparker]

Hmm. I have a largerish DH too, and I do notice the cervix being smacked around more these days myself. It's not enough (yet) to change how we do things though. I have noticed side-laying (which gets my belly out of the way) is a more shallow position, and I def don't have problems with cervix-hitting then. Might be worth a try? It still can be hit but like you said, when they get carried away... lol ;)

[franjapany]

hm, difficult topic. I guess my libido would technically be ok, if we actually had the time and place for it. In the evenings I am usually pretty wiped out and find it super hard to get 'into it'. my brain just keeps going and I really find it tough to switch off and not think about all the uncompleted chores. mornings would be best for me, but with two kids, (both sick with a summer flue atm), no relatives close by, and a family bed it is difficult to find time and room then or during the rest of the day.

But it's interesting that you bring up the topic of the cervix-hitting (inspite of side-laying position). Last time we dtd I had that exact same problem. It was quite painful and unfortunately that specific pain triggered memories of DD's rather traumatic birth. I ended up crying, because the whole thing came back so unexpectedly - bad association to have during sex :( we haven't been dtd since - I guess I have been avoiding to deal with it.

It kind of sucks, bc I have the most crazily intense Os when pregnant.
 

[Thyme Mama]

We both have high drives, and have been everyday type of people. But for the last few years I am so busy with kids and school and working that we are at a couple times a week. Pregnancy though, is a plentiful time for us again. And I am most definitely a morning and middle-of-the-night kind of person. Before bed sex is not my favorite. I feel it interrupts my natural rhythms of sleep and energy. Positions don't change much for us during pregnancy, since we are also a girl-on-top couple. Which is awesome, because I would be totally bummed if I couldn't fulfill my needs for months on end!
 

[PacificMar]

We've always had a happy love life, but our challenge in pregnancy has been the belly getting in the way. It started sticking out in the eighth week, and any pressure on it has been uncomfortable since then, which limited the positions we could use. Luckily, our favorite is me sitting on top, and I'm not yet heavy enough to squish my spouse. ;) 

[jeunesdragons]

Bumping the thread because it's still an issue for me!

At 34 weeks we're not doing too much fooling around anymore, though we're still physically affectionate, it's just not as sexual. We tried a couple of weeks ago, and everything eventually got done, but it was uncomfortable for me and the logistics were very challenging. Almost no positions work anymore, and things got so tight inside, that it hurts. I managed to re-pull a round ligament while doing it, which made it difficult to walk afterward. Plus DP has this fear that whatever he's doing is going to hurt the baby and he can't focus. Then just when I'm starting to enjoy myself and let go... the baby starts kicking, as if to remind me that we're not alone... which sort of ruins the mood for me. It's just not quite so sexy anymore!

But boy, do I really miss sex. I'm not quite at the 2nd-trimester-teenage-hormone level anymore, but still get the urge every so often.

I know it doesn't happen for a long time after the baby's born, too, which makes me sad. On another thread I was reading about how this is happening with a lot of you, so I don't feel as badly about it as I did before. It's good to know I'm not the only one. Hopefully this dry spell won't last forever...

[Thyme Mama]

Originally Posted by jeunesdragons 

I know it doesn't happen for a long time after the baby's born, too, which makes me sad. On another thread I was reading about how this is happening with a lot of you, so I don't feel as badly about it as I did before. It's good to know I'm not the only one. Hopefully this dry spell won't last forever...

It really depends on the birth, the baby and the couple. DH and I have always resumed lovemaking 1-2 weeks after our kids have been born. Of course, we go on a case-by-case basis, but it seems that has just been the way it has worked out for us. I could not even imagine going 6+ weeks postpartum with no sex!

Also, lovemaking has gotten better since having kids. It was great before, but I am even more sensitive now, and experiencing natural birth at home together (2 being UC's where DH caught the baby), have strengthened our connections to unbelievable levels!

[jeunesdragons]

Originally Posted by Thyme Mama 

It really depends on the birth, the baby and the couple. DH and I have always resumed lovemaking 1-2 weeks after our kids have been born. Of course, we go on a case-by-case basis, but it seems that has just been the way it has worked out for us. I could not even imagine going 6+ weeks postpartum with no sex!

Also, lovemaking has gotten better since having kids. It was great before, but I am even more sensitive now, and experiencing natural birth at home together (2 being UC's where DH caught the baby), have strengthened our connections to unbelievable levels!

Interesting! You always seem to hear about how having a child "ruins" your sex life... I don't think I have ever heard anyone tell me the opposite! That gives me hope.

As far as intercourse 1-2 weeks after childbirth, is that safe? I'd always heard the 6 weeks was for medical reasons, to prevent infection and so forth as everything heals up. I guess it probably depends on each individual's body. For me, I would probably have to wait a long time. I've always had physiological issues with sex and I think I will probably find it very painful even after 6 weeks. My expectations are very low in that department.

[katealicia]

We have really only found one position that works for us this late on, but we've been trying to keep it up to at least once a week just because it's nice to have that connection and because we don't know how long it will be afterward. Though my mom said the same thing as Thyme Mama, that they did not wait very long at all afterward. I think probably that if it would hurt you shouldn't, but that if it doesn't hurt you're probably ok (if it always hurts a little than this would mean more than usual). We're just going to see how we feel at the time.

[OceansEve]

Wow, I'm shocked they didn't pull this thread when we had to have a discussion like this in my last DDC they pulled the thread within a day! Nice to see some thing have changed around here!

As for pp sex, I know we've been active before the 6 week appt with all. I don't know exactly when tho.... can't remember. I think we were active after DD3 within a week :p That was before my libido fell. We've always been a nearly everyday kind of couple until a few months after DD3 when my libido fell and so did DH's. My libido has definitely been up since about half way through the second tri. Finding a position that works for both of us can be entertaining

Honestly what effected sex more pp was tearing. With DD2 the OB called it a scratch, with DD3 the OB called it a minor tear. Here's to show how objective these things are, DD3's "tear" was nothing, I didn't notice it after a couple of days. The "scratch" with DD2 was painful for over a week and I could feel that I was torn.

Kids don't kill your sex life they just kill your energy level :p They get you up in the morning so pre work quickies are out, then by the time you get them all asleep you're lucky if you make it off the couch before falling asleep. So it depends on where sex lies on your priorities. DH used to wake me up to see if I was interested, then he decided I needed my sleep and learned to leave me alone. Now I tell him if I want him to wake me up or not after everyone is asleep and many of those nights he passes out on the couch too so it never happens.

[fayebond]

Originally Posted by jeunesdragons 

Interesting! You always seem to hear about how having a child "ruins" your sex life... I don't think I have ever heard anyone tell me the opposite! That gives me hope.

As far as intercourse 1-2 weeks after childbirth, is that safe? I'd always heard the 6 weeks was for medical reasons, to prevent infection and so forth as everything heals up. I guess it probably depends on each individual's body. For me, I would probably have to wait a long time. I've always had physiological issues with sex and I think I will probably find it very painful even after 6 weeks. My expectations are very low in that department.

Oh gads, children supposedly ruin EVERYTHING about your life if you listen to some people.  They're about to walk! gah! you're life igs going to be ruined, you will run after them all the time and have no life, ack!  Oh, um, yes, they now can COME too, and GO get their own things, and start to not need your every waking moment, and become independant, and its actually very helpful because it measn they soon can FETCH water for you when you are nursing...  Yeah, every milestone of life has people who panic about it, especially arlound kids.  

On the actual topic at hand...fun fact... Jewish tradition (and the Bible, where exactly I forget) says about 8 weeks for a boy and about 10 weeks for a girl.  I like that tradition because it gives your body a break, plus, you have to become more inventive in ways to connect during that time.  Creativity that you otherwise wouldn't make time for.  I'm looking forward to it, its fun to have to use your imagination in that department, just sayin'.  

[abouttobe5]

Originally Posted by OceansEve 

Wow, I'm shocked they didn't pull this thread when we had to have a discussion like this in my last DDC they pulled the thread within a day! Nice to see some thing have changed around here!

Sad to see they pulled things like this in the past.  It's a perfectly healthy conversation!  And besides it's how most of us got to be here in the first place, yes?!?!  ;)

Anyhow, sex for us right now is not frequent enough for either of us but the discomfort I have in my cervix is causing us to sit back a bit.  I think about it a lot but it's just not happening  :(  

After both of my last kids, I found sex really painful in the beginning...it took a good 3 months before I felt comfortable.  Probably just my body not ready to resume sex, I think?  But regardless I look forward to it whenever it happens again!  

[OceansEve]

Yeah, the question in particular was what positions aren't painful if I remember and apparently in the guidelines (whether it's there or not anymore I don't know) there is to be no discussion of sexual positions

Hmmm, I wonder if there is a corrolation between menstration cycle and libido postpartum. Would be interesting to look at. My cycle starts back up practically immediately and my libido has always returned pretty quick.