Looks like baby won't be choosing his own birthday. :( « Back to Group Discussions

[Ninetales]

At my appointment today, the ultrasound tech put the baby at 14 lbs.  Even if you factor in several pounds off for inaccuracy, I can't see how I'm coming out of this without another serious macro baby.  We talked about stripping my membranes but I was only at a 1 and she couldn't do it anyway.

I can't see any other way here but to give up and just go get sectioned.  I know I can refuse and wait until spontaneous labor, but I don't see that ending in any other way, and it's really important to me to have my doctor be the one to do it.  And honestly, I just don't think I want to vbac a baby over 12.

I'm just emotionally exhausted.  It's not fair.  I didn't do anything.  I do the best I can.  And how many women are there out there who don't give a rat's ass how they have their babies?  Yet, it's so important to me and I can't do it normally.  It's pissing me off.

[LilyTiger]

Ninetales, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this again.  I've been following your pregnancy since the beginning and really hoping things would work out for you this time around.  It looks like it's just your body's way of making babies, but I know it still really really sucks to not be able to have the kind of birth you would like. 

I know you don't necessarily want to risk a VBAC with a big baby, but since you're over 38 weeks now anyway, could you try an induction and see where that gets you?  Start with cervadil and see if that softens things up a bit and go from there?  There are middle grounds between stripping membranes and a c-section.  It seems like you could try a few things this week and then plan on a section if the babe isn't moving.  If the baby is smaller than the u/s indicates, you could possibly still get the VBAC you want.  Obviously, though, trying to get the babe out this way puts you at somewhat greater risk because you'd have to have an emergency c-section, which is a little more scary than a planned one.  I honestly don't know what I would do under the circumstances.  I'm just so sorry you're having to deal with this again, despite your efforts with exercise and diet throughout this whole process. 

The upside is that a planned section would give you the option of planning a little and coming to terms with it as much as you can in what little time you have left and hopefully would leave you with a shorter recovery time than if you did struggle to push out a 12lb+ baby and have to have an emergency section anyway.  I don't know.  I just hope you get some peace with whatever ends up happening and that the little one and mama end up healthy and happy however the delivery goes.

[pennywhistle]

Originally Posted by Ninetales 

I'm just emotionally exhausted.  It's not fair.  I didn't do anything.  I do the best I can.  And how many women are there out there who don't give a rat's ass how they have their babies?  Yet, it's so important to me and I can't do it normally.  It's pissing me off.

I'm so sorry to hear this.  I feel the exact same way as you, after my pre-eclampsia diagnosis.  It really sucks that we do everything we can to be healthy & have a great birthing experience, but nature pulls us in a different direction.  I hope you & your doctor can figure out a plan that is ideal as possible for you. 

[NewMumJoy]

I'm so sorry for your disappointment Ninetales, it's not your fault but yet still feels so unfair.  I hope you can find some peace with whatever way your baby (beautiful, strong and healthy!) gets brought into this world....Sending you hugs.....   

[Tizzy]

Is it possible to wait until labour begins for your section? Then you definitely know it's done and ready, and it's not a rush rush emergency C/S?

Kind of the best of both sides IYKWIM.

[poppylove]

Aw, nine tales, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this mama, I understand your fear of v backing a big baby. Truly consider your emotional state and go from there, as to whether or not you want to go forward with a c/s. Sounds like you are really stressed.
It is unfortunate we do this to ourselves, but we do. I did it in regards to nursing my dd, and II have really struggled with feeling "let down" so my heart goes out to you.

Best wishes mama.

P.s. If you do decided to get the c/s at least you have done it before and can have a bit of confidence knowing how things are going to go

[Thandiwe]

I struggle with the notion of a trial of labor for VBAC before a very probably c-sec.  I was with a mama all through her trial of labor for a VBAC with a bigger baby last summer.  She went for nearly 2 days before deciding to check in and get the c-sec.  Her arteries in her womb were so large and inflammed that the surgeon accidentally stitched into one of them.  It split as she moved into recovery and she bled out.  They were able to save her life and she was able to get half her blood volume transfused, put in ICU on a paralytic, and then spent a little more time in ICU off the paralytic before spending nearly an additional week more in the hospital recovering.  It was a long road...very painful.  In retrospect speaking with the doctor and evaluating things from the midwifery perspective, it put a lot of stress on her body and inflammed things a lot, causing the complication.  I stayed in the hospital that week, nursing baby as stand-in mom so that dad could go back/forth also caring for their toddler.

While a trial of labor can go so, so well for most people, it can do damage.  I'm a huge supporter of VBAC - so don't take this the wrong way - but if you're feeling confident that you're going with a c-sec, think long and hard before doing a trial of labor.  Scheduling it can get you better results than waiting until the last minute and rushing you in.  I say all this gently - anyone who knows me knows what a natural labor advocate I am - but I've seen the other side and it's a set of images I'll never forget.  Plenty of close friends/family have had completely safe and normal scheduled c-secs, ones where their body wasn't already taxed.

Massive, massive hugs as you choose what to do from here.  This is a big decision you'll have to make, and you really have to trust your gut.  You've had another macrosomatic baby, so you definitely are qualified to say that it's just not the right choice to go naturally if that's how you feel.  Just take all things to heart and follow your instincts. 

ETA: How are you measuring as far as palpation? Are you measuring many, many weeks ahead?  My only pregnancy where I consistently measured 6cm ahead was my macro baby (11.3#).  Are there other signs, besides u/s, that little one is really big?

[Ninetales]

Originally Posted by LilyTiger 

I know you don't necessarily want to risk a VBAC with a big baby, but since you're over 38 weeks now anyway, could you try an induction and see where that gets you?  Start with cervadil and see if that softens things up a bit and go from there?  There are middle grounds between stripping membranes and a c-section.  It seems like you could try a few things this week and then plan on a section if the babe isn't moving.

My doctor advises against any induction technique if your body isn't ready.  She thinks cervadil is too risky for a previous c-section - the only medical induction she advises is low doses of Pitocin.  I imagine she will offer to check me again at my appointment next Monday and if we think I'm favorable, trying something to get me started.  Hopefully that will work out but at this point I think I'm not trying to get my hopes up.  I'm going back and forth between anger, depression, and acceptance all the time.

Originally Posted by Tizzy 

Is it possible to wait until labour begins for your section? Then you definitely know it's done and ready, and it's not a rush rush emergency C/S?

Kind of the best of both sides IYKWIM.

I've thought about it, but I'm afraid of going on and having him get to be even bigger.  12-14 lbs is hard enough, but what if he ends up at 15, 16 lbs or more?  I don't want to end up on the news or something, and supersize babies aren't always healthy.  I don't know if health risks get more pronounced if they get bigger, but I really don't want to find out.  And then I'm stuck with whatever doctor is on call, not necessarily mine, who I trust and I know is on board with as much contact as possible, breastfeeding, etc.

Originally Posted by Thandiwe 
ETA: How are you measuring as far as palpation? Are you measuring many, many weeks ahead?  My only pregnancy where I consistently measured 6cm ahead was my macro baby (11.3#).  Are there other signs, besides u/s, that little one is really big?

At 34 weeks I was measured at 42 cm, at 36 weeks it was 44 cm, and at 37 weeks it was 41.  All different doctors though.  Combined with having had one so big already I don't doubt that we're looking at someone very big, even if maybe not as big as projected.  Plus, I just feel so big, and I swear I feel every movement he makes.  I thought they were supposed to not move as much because they're running out of room but I feel it constantly.  It looks like two squirrels are fighting under my shirt most of the time.

[ainh]

I'm sorry you got this news.  It's always hard to feel like your options are narrowing by no fault of your own.  When my first was breech I felt such grief -- and also thought of all the women out there who could care less about being forced into a c/s.  (Even though they did eventually flip my guy, I had about three weeks of coming to terms with the c/s and then another couple of weeks of going past the date of c/s and realizing baby was getting rather big and I might end up with a c/s no matter what...a real roller coaster of emotions in the weeks leading up to my eventual vaginal delivery.)

In your situation I think I might just try to embrace the scheduled c/s somehow.   That's easy for me to say b/c for several unrelated reasons it might be good for me to have a c/s this time (I'd get my tubes tied and they could remove my dermoid cyst, which needs to come out this year anyway...plus I could hire a babysitter so that I'm not giving birth on my own in our new city with no friends or family around).  Any chance you could come up with some fun numerology for the birthday? (I'm a math geek and am hoping for #3 to be born on a prime day of the month, as my other two are).  I also agree that you'd probably have a better experience with the doctor you know and like...and that knows and likes you and your plans. 

Anyway.  I'm trying to put a positive spin on it, but really, I know that it pretty much just sucks and that you were really hoping and working towards a different outcome.  Hugs to you!

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by ainh 

In your situation I think I might just try to embrace the scheduled c/s somehow. 

Anyway.  I'm trying to put a positive spin on it, but really, I know that it pretty much just sucks and that you were really hoping and working towards a different outcome.  Hugs to you!

These are my thoughts.  Like you said, Ninetales, it's your *own* doctor, not whoever's on call.  It sounds like it's clear in your head.  Know this: You have come now to full term.  Your little one will be healthy and beautiful and just fine.  It might be different if we were talking 34/35 weeks...but you're there now.  It's not the ideal, but I'd try to embrace it and move forward towards your little one.  I'm not in your shoes, but it seems the wisest choice and it sounds like you feel it in your heart.  My macro baby showed lots of wear on the placenta when he came out.  It can be very hard on them and the placenta.

[andaluza]

This is so tough and I'm sorry you are going through it. It does sound like you have a really clear head about things despite the major disappointment you are feeling, so I hope you can feel at peace about what you decide. 

[sarahdb]

I'm so sorry about this, Ninetales. I can only imagine how incredibly disappointing it must be--and every single emotion you are feeling is a valid one. It does sound like you are weighing your options very carefully, and I have no doubt you will make the decision that feels best for the baby and wisest for the situation. But that doesn't take away the sadness of losing the birthing experience you were hoping for. I agree it seems totally unfair. 

[Ninetales]

Originally Posted by ainh 

Any chance you could come up with some fun numerology for the birthday? (I'm a math geek and am hoping for #3 to be born on a prime day of the month, as my other two are).  I also agree that you'd probably have a better experience with the doctor you know and like...and that knows and likes you and your plans. 

Not gonna lie, one of my first thoughts was "hey, that's Harry Potter's birthday."

[iixivboots]

Originally Posted by Ninetales 

Not gonna lie, one of my first thoughts was "hey, that's Harry Potter's birthday."

That's awesome.

I really hope you find some peace with this and that your doc is supportive in whatever your decision is. I'm sorry you're dealing with this stress and it makes me sad you have to worry about feeling abnormal or like you might be on the news :( I'm sure your daughter was a beautiful normal kiddo and I know your son will be too, I just wish you could have the birth you want.

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

Your body has done a beautiful job of nurturing and growing a healthy child. There are some times that a surgical birth is a miracle for which we should all be thankful.  I think this sounds like one of those times. I wish peace for you. 

[Ninetales]

I appreciate the sentiment, but I can't help feeling like my body failed me.  My babies grow too big to be born, which I don't feel like is something to be proud of.  :(

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

Originally Posted by Ninetales 

I appreciate the sentiment, but I can't help feeling like my body failed me.  My babies grow too big to be born, which I don't feel like is something to be proud of.  :(

I get that. I'm so sorry that you feel that way. Try to be gentle with yourself.

[Ninetales]

Ugh, and I can't believe how hard it is to find support.  I just keep feeling like I have to justify why this is probably what will have to happen.  It's the same after they're born - everyone wants to try to figure out the magic reason when there isn't one.  Whatever his size, when I talk to people in person I'll probably just lie.  I don't want to do another round of "were you overdue/were your dates wrong/did you have GD/did you gain a lot of weight" every time I talk about my child's birth.

[LilyTiger]

Originally Posted by Ninetales 

Whatever his size, when I talk to people in person I'll probably just lie.  I don't want to do another round of "were you overdue/were your dates wrong/did you have GD/did you gain a lot of weight" every time I talk about my child's birth.

I think for people who don't need to know details (which is pretty much everyone) you can respond with: "He was over 8 lbs, so he was a big boy".  It's not a lie and it cuts off the crazy inquisitiveness and implications of abnormality that you had to deal with after Elsa was born. 

As far as support goes, you shouldn't have to justify this to anyone.  It's so frustrating how people, mostly well-meaning, make like difficult for moms by implicitly placing blame on them for things they have no control over.  You've done your best and I wish I could say that people will leave you in peace after the baby's born, but I know that's probably not the case.  I hope your doctor at least is supportive and can help you through dealing with hospital staff.  It might make sens to have as part of your birth plan that you don't want nurses talking about the size of the baby in your hearing, for example.  Not sure how realistic that is, but it might help.

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by LilyTiger 

I think for people who don't need to know details (which is pretty much everyone) you can respond with: "He was over 8 lbs, so he was a big boy".  It's not a lie and it cuts off the crazy inquisitiveness and implications of abnormality that you had to deal with after Elsa was born. 

As far as support goes, you shouldn't have to justify this to anyone.  It's so frustrating how people, mostly well-meaning, make like difficult for moms by implicitly placing blame on them for things they have no control over.  You've done your best and I wish I could say that people will leave you in peace after the baby's born, but I know that's probably not the case.  I hope your doctor at least is supportive and can help you through dealing with hospital staff.  It might make sens to have as part of your birth plan that you don't want nurses talking about the size of the baby in your hearing, for example.  Not sure how realistic that is, but it might help.

  I couldn't agree more!!  With my large baby, it took me a long time to get over the guilt I felt when *my own midwife* blamed me for his size.  Looking back, it makes zero sense.  I had the bloodwork done, I know my diet, etc, etc, etc.  I really think it just happened, but she told me it was my fault because I ate too much protein.  Placing blame on moms, especially moms who are already making really awesome, healthy choices to care for their babies, is just nuts.  I have a hard time with this in labor overall...I've heard in a few births in my circle where moms have been blamed for stalling labor because they were *too scared.*  Why do we blame moms who are doing the best they can with what they have and trying their best?