Tired of fighting the no vax iissue-so tired......

[es1967]

Ds is almost 6 years old and not vaxed.  My husband is pro-vax.  It has been a constant battle beween us since he was born.  My son recently got Whooping Cough and is still coughing but very seldom.  He never had it very bad.  He did have coughing fits a few times a day and at night but on a scale of 1 to 10- I would give it a 5.  The overall illness that is.   But the fact that he is still coughing (very seldom) has my DH concerned.  Although previous years the Dr even told me coughs can last months.  He wants to take him to the DR personally.  I am sure they will say give him antibiotics which at this point from what I understand is no benefit.  I think he contracted it at the end of May at preschool.  Coughing starrted first or 2nd wk in June  I read all kinds of info on SA and pertussis so I have been giving it to him but not in the super high doses.     Now my husband is on my case again to get him vaccinated .  My inlaws are all pressuring him.  They have a friend who is an ER doctor who is "concerned" about my son and has voiced his concern to my DH.  I send alll my research to DH but he never reads or listens to any of it.  I am just so tired of fighting.  The more I read the more convinced I get.   Had I known I would feel so passionatly about non vaxing I would have sought out a different husband.  Any advice on dealing w my DH? 

[HouseofPeace]

don't have any suggestions but wanted to offer a *hug* and support.  my husband was anti-home birth, pro-circumcision, pro-vaccine, and everything else when i was pregnant with my son (also 6).  he changed his mind about circumcision due to a very unbiased discussion with my midwife, and after a highly medicalized hospital birth, he also shifted his stance on home birth (took another baby to really shake him) and once we started dialog on vaccines, he also moved on that.  I don't know how you can make someone either be or trust an intuitive/alternative parent.  I don't think you can.  Not matter what evidence you show, you're not going to convince anyone.  I don't know how I would deal with trying to convince someone who was not able to see the big picture.  My husband has so much faith in my non-vax stance, that even though I try and be polite, hear people out, be very patient and non-judgemental, he always sells the non-vaxing like it's the gold standard.

Part of the journey for us has been my husband growing to trust my decisions as a parent b/c of my confidence and actually straight up know-it-all-ism.  recently, my son fell and sprained his thumb, it swelled up but was obviously not broken, just painful, and it was a bit of a back-and-forth as to whether it needed to be an ER visit or not.  Me saying no, he saying 'just to be safe.'  Fast forward- no ER, nothing got worse, hand healed, no problems, and it's a bit more of a support next time there is trauma.  Over the years, there have been many of these situations.  I also feel for you w/ the pertussis, as you can say "he's now more immune than if he got the shots, and it wasn't fun but it wasn't that bad"- but your husband's experience was different and probably much scarier for him.  people can share the same experience and come out with very very very different memories and emotions connected to the event.  

I don't know how to get your husband to see your side and trust your choices.  But I hope you can find a middle ground that can really give you all peace on this matter, and any others that come up.  

[es1967]

Thanks for your support.  I was able to convince him re no circumcism although he worries about that issue.  I think one of our biggest  problems is his stepmother.  She is a retired nurse and thinks she knows everything.  Regarding the Whooping cough- I actually figured out he had it but my Dh had no idea.  I thought it would show him that getting it was not much worse than any other illness.  The cough was more extreme of course.  Its just exhausting having to support my views over and over year after year. 

[halliemckee]

He probably only had it at a 5 (on a 1-10 scale) because he WASN'T vaccinated! Good for you for staying strong for so long. I know there are alot of natural way to heal whooping cough. Most work better than western medicine. 

My husband is also semi pro vax... He thinks they should get them when they get older....needless to say...we go rounds on the subject.

His father and step mother refuse to see our children and us because they are "contagious"! My husband has a hard time with the rejection, to support his wife, that he doesnt totally agree with...

Just stay strong and keep giving him the material to read. He will come around. And don't be afraid to tell his mom to butt out. YOUR marriage YOUR children YOUR decisions! 

hugs and love! 

[Taximom5]

You can ask for a blood test that will show whether or not he is making antibodies; if he is, then the vaccine is unnecessary for him.