My youngest one just turned one. I felt very similarly during his pg. I already had 3 not so easy children, DH was DONE having children, I was finally starting to get a very small amount of freedom for the first time in 8 years, I had recently returned to work, my youngest child was having some developmental delays, we were in debt up to our eyeballs thanks to the market crash, and then I was pg. NOT a great time. I did not enjoy the pg, I wasn't looking forward to the baby. I loved him when he was born but during that pg, I certainly went from someone who had previous enjoyed being pg, to it feeling like a death sentence, I never, ever, ever want to be pg again. Clear enough?
So back to DS2, I love him I snuggle with him, treat him just like all my other kids. Did life miraculous turn easier when he was born? No. It is been a rough, rough year. Or almost 2 years by now. I thought many times that DH and I were not going to make it, had pretty much counted on it in fact. The baby did not turn out to be out of those mythical easy babies that some people just get. My other child who was delayed ended up being autistic. Yeah, it has been difficult. Do I look at DS2 and can't imagine my life without him? No. But I love him anyway. And sometimes that is enough.
Hang in there to all that are struggling.