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New Here...wanting to vent????!!!!!

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 

Hi all,

 

I am new to this community and decided to join after reading some posts from other members. My story could fit into so many acatagories here but I picked the SAH forum because I am a SAHM and I feel like I am losing my mind. I suffer from depression and don't quite know when it started but let me tell you it is ruining my life and my marriage. I have been married a little over a year and am raising 2 sets of twins and a teenage daughter. The sum up....My daughter is 15 and up until my oldest twin boys came along (they are 4), it had always just been me and her...she hates my husband and has moved in with my aunt and neice and refuses to come home. The 4 year old twins are horrible..very, very intelligent, but prone to all out tantrums over nothing and very touchy feely...I have issues with that part because I have come to a point where I cant stand to be hung on. I also have 19 month boy girl twins. These are my hubby's only bio kids...my lil girl is super smart for her age..we can have a full fledged conversation and I understand everything she says..but she is on the mean spiritied NO kick...and she bullies her twin...who will not talk for anything and I worry about him. Me and hubby dated for a few months before he asked me to marry him..were engaged for a year and a half...and now here we are. I have beern staying home since I lost my job august of last year. I agreed to it because we just have too many for day care and he makes too much for any help. I have no life, no friends, and I feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown to the point I dont even know if I want to be married anymore because he is always pouring his heart out to me about neglected and underappreciated he feels, but I dont have it in me to give him what he wants and needs. I just want to be left alone. I do go to counseling, but it only helps so much, and I am refusing to take medicine. I believe there has to be a better way to learn to cope than that..(for me personally). I dont really know what to do anymore and my fondest dream now is to pack my stuff up..let my daughter stay where she is , hubby here with his kids and send my other twins with their dad and just take off and never look back...but I do really love my kids and I know I would feel like ^^^^ if I did that.....any advice?

 

Thanks in advance for taking th time to read and respond if you do so :)

post #2 of 5
Oh dear you have a lot on your plate. I'm glad to hear you are in counseling. It is always good to have someone else to share with and get some perspective. I know the feeling of being down and not wanting to rely on meds. I have a very good girlfriend however who tried to manage and finally came to the realization that she has a chemical imbalance and really needed the meds to help her not feel so blue. They are not the reason she is coping they are just there to help you feel balanced so that you can do the rest. All that being said if you love all of your little ones then they must love you and need you AND their dad. A mother's love is an important thing. Maybe a break might help you get some rest and time to clear your head so you can make a good decision that you will be happy with. I hope there are people in your life that can help you get some time away.
post #3 of 5

:hugs: I know how you feel, I've felt the same thing at many points in my life. First, I think you definitely need a break. Could you afford to hire a babysitter or mothers helper or something a couple of times a week? Do the 4 year olds go to pre-k? What do you like to do? I think that you should try to find time each day to do something you enjoy. Reading, blogging, sewing, painting.. something that you have time to just be "off duty." I do not like taking medicine, so I know where you are coming from on that. There have been studies about diet effecting depression. Maybe google it and see if there is anything you can change in your diet. Also, there are natural herbs/vitamins that you can take that can help too. I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed, I wish had more help to offer. hug2.gif

post #4 of 5
Those are great ideas! This is a tough job and I only have one little guy at home. You are doing amazing work.
post #5 of 5
I wish I could give you a hug, and have you over for tea just for a change of scenery.

As someone who has also experienced depression, though not since I've had kids- I can't imagine that added stress, I just want to offer my perspective. Everyone has different reasons for wanting to avoid medications, and especially here at mothering.com. I hope you will really explore those reasons out loud with your therapist/doctor. One of my parents had undiagnosed depression for my entire childhood, until I was well out of the house. He is a different person, now. I wish he could have been a real father, but his depression was a disease that needed treatment. We will never have a relationship to speak of because of it. Make sure your reasons for avoiding medication are more beneficial to your children than the depression is detrimental to them. I'd also like to point out that depression meds don't have to be forever. They can be a ladder out of a hole; they don't have to be a permanent crutch.

Now, regarding the frustration of life as parents, I love Carolyn Hax's perspective on these things:
http://live.washingtonpost.com/carolyn-hax-live-081911.html#Numb-with-a-kid
http://live.washingtonpost.com/carolyn-hax-live-120511.html#Marriage

And here's one you can perhaps share with your husband, so he understands why you feel so drained and unable to fulfill his needs on top of everyone elses':
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/24/AR2009032402750.html
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