I am new to this community and decided to join after reading some posts from other members. My story could fit into so many acatagories here but I picked the SAH forum because I am a SAHM and I feel like I am losing my mind. I suffer from depression and don't quite know when it started but let me tell you it is ruining my life and my marriage. I have been married a little over a year and am raising 2 sets of twins and a teenage daughter. The sum up....My daughter is 15 and up until my oldest twin boys came along (they are 4), it had always just been me and her...she hates my husband and has moved in with my aunt and neice and refuses to come home. The 4 year old twins are horrible..very, very intelligent, but prone to all out tantrums over nothing and very touchy feely...I have issues with that part because I have come to a point where I cant stand to be hung on. I also have 19 month boy girl twins. These are my hubby's only bio kids...my lil girl is super smart for her age..we can have a full fledged conversation and I understand everything she says..but she is on the mean spiritied NO kick...and she bullies her twin...who will not talk for anything and I worry about him. Me and hubby dated for a few months before he asked me to marry him..were engaged for a year and a half...and now here we are. I have beern staying home since I lost my job august of last year. I agreed to it because we just have too many for day care and he makes too much for any help. I have no life, no friends, and I feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown to the point I dont even know if I want to be married anymore because he is always pouring his heart out to me about neglected and underappreciated he feels, but I dont have it in me to give him what he wants and needs. I just want to be left alone. I do go to counseling, but it only helps so much, and I am refusing to take medicine. I believe there has to be a better way to learn to cope than that..(for me personally). I dont really know what to do anymore and my fondest dream now is to pack my stuff up..let my daughter stay where she is , hubby here with his kids and send my other twins with their dad and just take off and never look back...but I do really love my kids and I know I would feel like ^^^^ if I did that.....any advice?
Thanks in advance for taking th time to read and respond if you do so :)