It's very wrong for lesbians to act like a bi woman who is married to a man is "hiding" or lying to herself --- unless, of course, she IS hiding by having secret affairs with women without being in an open relationship. But assuming she's not, I equate this to the situation where people see a man with certain mannerisms and say that he's gay and in denial, even though he says he's straight. It's not for any of us to say what someone else's sexuality is, no matter what they look like. Same deal with bi women and lesbians. Lesbians have no right to say what a bi woman's "real" feelings are. The thing is, many lesbians (especially those old enough to be adults in the 80s) know women who were only/mainly attracted to women but married men purely to conform to social norms. And THAT really ticks lesbians off, because lesbians are sacrificing social acceptance to be who they are. So, as long as a bi woman is being up front about who she is, lesbians should be totally accepting, and bi women have the right to demand that they be. There may be more bi or non-labeled women in the lesbian community than you think, even if they don't speak up, or if they refer to themselves as lesbians for simplicity's sake. Announcing you're bi is like announcing your minority religion -- people expect you to explain yourself, and you don't always want to, because it's private. But they may be very sympathetic.
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