Does the longing for "just one more" ever really go away??

[BroodyWoodsgal]

I love pregnancy. I loooove birth. I looove babies. I have a just-turned-four year old DD, a 2.5 year old DS and an 8 week old DD. I want one more. Just onnneee moorrreee.

But would I really be "done" then? I dont think so. I feel like I'm never going to be satisfied! My MIL(had 3 kids) and Mother(had 4 kids) have both told me that the feeling of wanting more never went away and I think I would be the same way.

Even if you knew you HAD to be done (for financial, health or space reasons, etc) did you always feel that tug? Did anyone here ever have their "last baby" and feel complete peace for ever more!??

Help me out here...am I doomed to mourn the end of my reproductive years forever?

[mammal_mama]

I used to feel a strong yearning for "just one more," but not I'm 48 and it seems unlikely that it will happen at this point. And I actually feel at peace about it because we really are a complete family just as we are.

I've also really had my interests expand within the last few years. After having dd1, I kind of got sucked into a vacuum where the only things that interested me were things like breasfeeding, attachment parenting, and unschooling...and I stayed in there until dd2 was around five or so.

Now I feel like there's so much more to life than just my little world

[mary3mama]

It finally did for me. I still gush over babies & occasionally daydream about having another. But it isn't the same as truly wanting 'just one more.'

My 'baby' is 5 1/2.
She has 2 older brothers.
I am full, complete & DONE.

[philomom]

Not for me. My hubby said no to more than two...... but mine are nearly grown and I still long for pregnancy and baby days.

[Peony]

I had the just one more baby, and if I am being completely honest, I'll say that many a time I would take the wistful wishing over the the fact that he really is here. In other words, I am completely DONE having children EVER. Is that clear enough?  So yeah, it is possible to feel that way. 

[Drummer's Wife]

The wanting "just one more" never went away for me. Each time my babies were a year old I just had to have another. Now I have four kids (who are far from babies *sniff* ages 5, 7, 9, and 11). The only reason we don't have anymore is that we haven't been successful at getting pregnant again/. I'm fairly positive that even if we had 5-6, I'd still want more. I also love pregnancy and babies -- birth, it's exciting, but mine were all c-sections so I can't say I love having surgery.

I think part of it is just realizing you might be done with the childbearing time in your life. I mourn that (even though I hold out hope we may be lucky enough to have "just one more" in the future).

[The4OfUs]

It does for me.

I am DONE.  2 kids, 8 and 6, and we're through.  They are both very bright and very energetic and very persistent and very creative and very kinetic and very loud and just....VERY.  And they require all of my energy and patience to parent.  The thought of adding a third child quite frankly makes me want to run very far away.

DS (firstborn) as a baby/toddler was easygoing and a breeze to parent, and I thought I was the shiznit as a parent.

DD came along when DS was 2-1/2, and whacked me in the face with an jumbo sized humble pie (with a brick concealed inside it).  She was high needs and to this day has a very big personality.  DS has taken on some intense traits as well (though in different aspects of his personality), so I have about all I can handle with the two of them.

To be clear:  I ADORE them.  I would do anything for them.  I cannot imagine my life without either one of them and they bring me a tremendous amount of joy.  I am thrilled I have been able to be a work-at-home mom to be their constant primary caregiver since their births.  They have taught me more in the past few years than I learned in the previous 30+ of my life. 

If I had easygoing, laid back kids (like I was as a kid), I'd have 4 or 5.  I love babies and children.  But with the 2 actual children I have, I am 100% done.  If by some chance I did get pregnant somehow, I would obviously adjust and love the new addition and I'm sure be madly devoted and not be able to imagine life without them....but I have NO desire to have another baby on purpose.

[hempmama]

Yes! I don't want any more children, at all. I have 3. 8, 6, and almost 4. I didn't want any more pretty much right after number 3 was born. We said 2 with an option for 3, and we took the option. I hate pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding, though, so I don't have the feeling of wanting to prolong that hazy lovely time or anything. They seem like harsh but worth it payment for the awesome that is children. But I wouldn't want to do it again. And I just don't want any more kids to raise. I only want my 3.

[GoBecGo]

I love birth (and my body so far seems to be good at it, with precipitate labours and easy births).  My first pregnancy was fine, the next was harder work.  The third (actually 7th, i've lost 4) is HARD. I am done right now and this baby isn't even here.  I was fully excited to try again in April and within days of the 2 lines appearing and i had 2 kids to look after and i felt like crappity crap i was OVER it!  LOL.

I look forward to talking to other expectant women, holding their babies for a cuddle then handing them back.  For me it's not so much the newborns i'm not interested in, it's the reality that my newborn will soon be a toddler, a kid, a tween, a teen....  How many of us thought "Oh i'd LOVE a 13yo slamming the door in my face, they're so SWEET!  Let's try to make one!"? ;P

[MarieP]

I think I will always have that desire. I wanted to have a big family, but it didn't work out that way.   I love pregnancy, birth, babies, etc, but I also know deep down that our family is the right size for us.  So, when I get that twinge of baby fever, I try to think about how great things are with the ages that my kids are and focus on that.  

[MarineWife]

When I first contemplated purposefully having children (I already had one by accident who was 8 years old by then) I thought I only wanted 2 more. Immediately after I had my 3rd, though, I announced that I wanted just one more. My husband was kind of freaking out because he only wanted two children total and we were already one beyond that. I have that "just one more" baby now. He turned 1 year old yesterday.

I love being pregnant. I love giving birth. I don't have that need to do it again, though. I am now fulfilled and content with the size of my family. So, for me, I followed my heart and found that when I was done, I was done.

[Tigerchild]

Yes and no.

I HATE pregnancy except for the burping/farting (which I find hilarious) and the baby movements.  I like newborns but hate the sleep dep and breastfeeding is not my favorite thing in the world.  (granted, my longest experience was with triple nursing and I'm not sure that ANYONE would be having orgasms over that, so maybe I'm too harsh on myself).

But even I still have twinges of wanting another kid.  For me it tends to happen when I am worried (either consciously or not) about yet another new stage in my life.  I had the baby fever big time when my oldest was about ready to start school, and when my (youngest) twins started 1st grade.  That was a huge transition/image shift for ME, so unsurprising I wanted to go back to what I was confident about/knew.  I've been feeling more twinges now that I'm 2 years to 40, which I see for some reason as a transition.  Also my DD started her period this year, and for awhile that got me thinking about starting over with a new baby.  I'm not scared of these changes/transitions, but for whatever reason "have a baby" seems safe/known to me and I think that's what I default to.

I'm starting school full time in the fall, and have been having more baby cravings.

I had all my kids before I turned 30.  I know so many great/better than me vibrant moms who waited until their 30s/40s to have kids (almost all my face to face friends are older than me), I wonder if that isn't one of the reasons why I feel the urge now.  Luckily some of them are still having babies so at least I get a fix in.

I've accepted that this is something that I will feel, but will not act on.  DH would be willing, but I know he'd rather not.  The kids (the boys especially) are a little baby crazy since so many of their friends have cute, smiley baby brothers (they're all boys for some reason!), and hell if I could guarantee a baby like their friends' siblings I might be more up for it and DH would be too!  But...my kids are 10, 9, and 9 now--we've long since gotten rid of clothing/equipment, it would be a restart in many ways...so I do think that I have purposefully gently closed the door to it.  I am sad about it sometimes, but I tend to try to veer away from what if/fantasy stuff, so the sad tends to be short lived.

Plus I am at higher "risk" for multiples like whoa now and I think another set of twins or HOM would be the death of me.  I already went through TTTS, traumatic after birth shit, and the reality of 3 kids under the age of 2 and it changed me in personality, psychology, and even intelligence and while I love all my kids I really don't want to risk going there again by choice.  Could I deal if it happened, yes.  But I am happy with the now, I've got other exciting things in front of me, and for me I know it's more of a comfort touchstone type of thought than anything else.  I'm sure I'll still feel that way occasionally even when/if I am a grandma.  :)
 

[chrissy]

I can't say for sure yet, but I think it will be gone for me after this baby.  I am 26 weeks pregnant with my 5th baby, and I feel 110% sure that I don't ever want to do this again.  I detest pregnancy, though I like birth (though it does hurt like heck) and absolutely adore babies.  I have been miserable during every single one of my pregnancies, but always thought I wanted more.  I will be 38 when this baby is born, and though I am beyond excited for her, I really really don't ever want to do it again.  I plan to enjoy her baby years, but I am also looking forward to moving past this phase of my life.

Dh is going to get a vasectomy, which I never wanted him to do before.  Now I really really want him to do it.  Part of me is scared that once baby is a year old or so, I will forget just how miserable pregnancy is for me, and I will start wishing for one more. 

So, I guess my short answer is that I think that the "just one more" wish for me is gone, but I won't really know for sure until my new baby is a year or so old. 
 

[swd12422]

I dunno... I have one perm and one temp, and even though the permanent one is trying my last nerve as he adapts to having a sibling,  the temp is not a baby and I find myself really, really wanting a baby. I WANT to do diapers, and buy cute little onesies with the adorable embroidery on them. I want to babywear, even though my knees, hips and back are a mess. I want to cuddle a cute little baby, even though I'm loving sleeping all night long right now. And the "temp" is so easygoing that adding a third seems like it would be a breeze. I'm telling ya, being a foster parent is enabling! All I have to do is call up my licensing worker and say, "Send me a baby!" and I'll have one. No TTC, no 40-week wait. Oh, help me.
 

[AngieB]

For me it is gone. After my third baby I still had the longing for just one more but felt that my patients was at its limit with three and we decided to be done, then dh didn't make it to the dr. Soon enough and surprise I was pregnant with number four. Pretty much from the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew I was done. When dd was a baby I enjoyed her babyness but also enjoyed as each stage ended and I could say, I'll never have to breast feed again or change a diaper or work at preschool. Dd is starting kindergarten in a few weeks and I am so excited, I feel like I'm starting a whole new chapter of my life. I really don't even feel the urge to hold cute babies I see. I'm really, really done.

[Qestia]

I dunno, a week ago I would have said yes, our neighbors just had their third and I felt no envy at all, but the past week, out of nowhere, I've been questioning myself. I'm almost 38, have my 2 very intense kids, often feel at my wits end already, DH doesn't want more ever at all, the gap would be way wider than I would like, yet here I am, kind of sort of thinking it might be nice to have another. Hopefully the feeling will pass soon!
 

[BlueStateMama]

It was really hard for me at first.  I had DD later into my 30s and had bad baby fever when she hit a year.  I love newborns, nursing, the young baby years...but I think that was a part of me that knew I was reaching the end of my "prime" childbearing years (yes yes, of course I know that plenty of women have babies well into their 40s!  Look at Halle Berry! ;) )  It was also mourning the end of a phase of my life (I was muttering things like "Great...next stop menopause" under my breath on a regular basis) 

Well, DH was DONE and I agreed that we had two beautiful, very busy children who are quite the handful and I understood his feeling that he is at capacity (he's such a great dad, I wanted to take his feelings and personal limits into account)  Flash forward, I hit 40 (last year) and LOVE - FTR, it's a fun and powerful year.  I agreed to him getting the big V and have settled in with our decision. 

I still get baby cravings - but what has helped has being around friends and family's babies - they're a lot of work in a whole different way!  I had our friend's one year old here for an evening so they could go to a memorial service.  Our 8 year olds played with limited supervision in the house and I scrambled around after the toddler - worried she'd choke on something, tumble over and hit her head - totally paranoid (didn't want something to happen to their baby on my watch so I basically ran behind her with outstretched arms all evening, lol) She had a blast and was happy the whole night, I was a wreck!)  Or when we go out on the boat with those with toddlers - the older kids all put on their vests (lake laws) and all swim well with us, even diving off the back in deeper water.  The baby we have to hawk like an absolute hawk and I wouldn't turn my back on an unattended wee one on a boat for a second. 

Those "outings" make me a little less nostalgic and more grateful for the phases we're at.  I miss the newborn days, but each childhood phase brings a whole new "cool!!"

[HouseofPeace]

i've kinda come to the realization that i will always want 'one more'- but have also realized, currently in the 1st trimester w/ my 5th, that i could also be done after this.  i don't have a great 'need' for more- 5 was always my magic number.  but my love and passion for pregnancy, birth, newborns and up could be met by me serving women who are in those phases of life.  if i stop having babies, i could become a midwife.  i'm already a health counselor, i could take on more clients and focus more on helping people outside of my home.  

that said, once my babies turn one year, i'm ready for the next.  i have easy pregnancies, healthy babies, homebirths, everything is so wonderful, but my husband has been a little PTSD since number 4, (so they're all strong-willed, independent, LOUD, and amazing) or maybe it's CTSD (for current traumatic) as he is just not coping with so many small needy people.  in another world, i could see myself having a dozen kids and loving it, but that for me means i need a partner who wants that whole adventure as well, and he's not the one for that adventure.  so, because i love him, i think finding another way to satisfy my deep love and respect for the beauty of parenting is in order.

[Oliver'sMom]

I have two boys and I ache for a third.  I think I just really am yearning for a daughter.  Due to health reasons, I've been advised to not get pregnant again, so DH got a vasectomy.  Our plan is to adopt a girl in a few years when we're good and stable.  I really didn't enjoy pregnancy.  Giving birth was awesome, but I had major complications afterwards.  Breastfeeding is something I could take or leave. 

I could easily see myself wanting to adopt a fourth child down the line, but I can't see wanting a fifth.  Babies are addicting!

[Daners]

I do not think I will ever be able to get rid of that "just one more" feeling. I enjoy being pregnant and I truly enjoy the birthing process so much so that I am seriously thinking about surrogacy for a needy family. I currently have 3 of my own 10weeks DS, 2 1/2 DD, and a very intense 5 1/2 DD plus two bonus children form my husbands previous relationship that we have the privlage of raising without her help 11 DS and 9 DS. I love having ahouse full and my husband is no help he jokes all the time that he wants to keep me "barefoot and pregnant" but I am not so sure he is joking. If we had the space and the money I turly do not know when I would be DONE. I secertly think that the oldest step-son who has serious mommy issues will grace me with a grandchild well before he should and I am going to be one of those parents who has no problem raising the child.