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Does the longing for "just one more" ever really go away?? - Page 3

post #41 of 45

There is something so miraculous about having a baby, that makes any rational person want to do it again and again, like some kind of powerful spiritual experience, or a connection with Gd (or your word for that experience). Its the high of drugs that turn people into addicts.  At the same time, having a baby, is a fundamentally irrational thing to do, no matter what the circumstances, if putting someone elses needs before your own is irrational. 


Having a baby is just plain amazing, and yet completely exhausting and all  consuming. Being part of the growth and development of a child,  is exciting, watching them grow and discovering who they are,  intoxicating.



But maybe all of that is just natures way of tricking us into reproducing. Men get the instant orgasm, women get the above (men get some of it too)


I have 3 now, and dont think i will plan for more. I longed for this third baby for over a year. I know that feeling of a sensing a lingering soul waiting to join my family-the heartbreak of accepting she may never come,  and then having her join us after all. 


But  some part of me will probably always want another baby. I guess thats why its nice to have grandchildren.


On the other hand, its also very nice to get around with older kids and  see the world through their eyes, without younger children in tow. Sooo much easier. 


I am a spiritual person, and see all of this as a kind of long drawn out prayer, and direct conversation with Gd.  A pregnant woman is very close to Gd int he creation of a new human being. On  the other hand, i cant help thinking sometimes that we are tricked by nature into this crazy world of reproduction and child rearing. There are a whole lot of hormones at play in the pregnancy/birth/young baby/child world, and its understandable that there is a reflex to do it again when the time comes.

post #42 of 45

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure I was cut out to have kids in the first place. I love and adore my children, but sometimes I just don't think I should have procreated lol.


I want another GIRL, but that is a risky game, eh? I have one DS who will be 9 tomorrow, and he is a sweet boy but has ADHD and it has been extremely trying for me. Truth be told, I don't feel like I'm the best parent to him and therefore have no business having any more. I have a DD who is 22 months and I work full time and am worn thin. I am currently 23 weeks pregnant with my third (suprise!), which is another boy.


I love the middle part of pregnancy, with the excitement and sweet baby kicks and whatnot but I don't think I can take morning sickness one more time. I just can't. I also have had difficult birth experiences thus far and really just don't want to go there again. I love nursing and love babies and toddlers and I have SO much fun with my baby girl (hence wanting another girl. I'm just better at tea parties and princesses/fairies than sword fighting, legos, and wresting...I know, I know gender stereotypes but it's just been my experience so far), but when they get older, it gets harder for me.


I've come to some realizations about myself, as a parent and as a person. I realize that I am just not very energetic. I'm responsible and duty-driven, but I'm not great at playing with my kids and  being creative as a parent (my creativity is limited to practical problem solving - so exciting I know - and I LOVE to write, poetry mostly). I have a difficult time after they get through the preschool years, or at least that is how it's been with my DS. It's going to take every ounce of me to raise the children that I have, I don't think I will live through raising another. Oh and we can't afford another one, no way.


After my DD was born, I felt like I wanted another "someday" but my DH was D O N E. Now we have this little surprise blessing and although I feel that there may be times where I have that wistful longing, I am so glad I never have to have morning sickness or worry about my pregnancy weight gain (constant battle for me, I always gain a TON and just completely lose my will to fight it) again. I'm excited to move on to that next phase. In a few years my kids will be older, I'll have my body back to myself and hopefully I can salvage it lol. I'll be able to sleep at night and have a social life and heck maybe even a normal sex life again. I *think* I'm going to be done for real, and at peace with it.

post #43 of 45

Well I'm pretty sure I'll ways wish for one more because DH is pretty set on being done with the 2 we have. I certainly don't want to have another child with someone who doesn't want another one. He feels like he can't give anymore of himself to another child, and he works a lot, so he wants to be able to spend as much time with the children we do have. We have sat down and weighed the pros and cons of having another, and we decided it would be best for the relationship and for our family to be done. If I was married to someone who wanted 3 or 4 kids though, I'd probably be on board with it. I think there's pros and cons to having multiple kids, but I feel like in order to preserve the sanctity of our marriage and our family the size it is now, we should probably be done. Pregnancy sort of sucked for me the first time, but the second time was much better, and my second child was much easier and is still easy. So that probably doesn't help me feel done :) We've also had our ups and downs in our marriage, and I think adding another child to the mix would just be adding fuel to the fire. I don't know. If it happens I'm sure I'll be excited, but I know I'll be nervous and freaked out too, and I think DH would be the same way. I love holding a squishy newborn though, and labor and birth was much more bearable the second time around, so I would be okay with going through that again:) Oh and I also had natural no drug births at a birth center with a midwives. No "wishing I could do things differently," in that respect.

post #44 of 45

I keep wondering when I will feel done too. We have 5 children. 15 yrs, 12 yrs, 9 yrs, 5 yrs and 15.5 months. We are planning to have another and I already wonder if I am going going to want a 7th LOL! My kids asked when would I stop having babies and my husband replied if your mother could have babies forever then that is what she would do.

post #45 of 45
I feel done. After my second I still had that "one more" feeling. Then my dd was born and I felt complete. She was the perfect baby of the family, sweet and cuddly and spoiled lol. Then I got pregnant with a surprise 4th and was NOT happy. Cried most of my pregnancy at night. I wanted to go to school and start working after she went to school. I will still do it, but now it all moved forward yet again. I had my kids young and have been a SAHM for over 9 years now. I'm ready to do something for myself now. I love my ds2 of course (he's almost 3 weeks). But I know I am done
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