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Babysitter Wants TV, Full-Time Working Mom Doesn't - Page 2

post #21 of 66
Thread Starter 
I have no desire to fight with you. I responded cordially to you and thanked you for your insight. I have tried hard throughout this entire thread to be open to constructive criticism. You are correct--if I used that phrase it was inaccurate. We are TV and screen limited. DD is currently TV free and screen limited.
post #22 of 66
Thread Starter 
Onlyzombiecat, THANK YOU! Those are great suggestions. Yes, the TV is just for a break and I agree about the the benefit outweighing the cost.

Adaline'smama, thanks--I agree.
post #23 of 66

Can you reach a compromise where you allow 30 minutes of TV, but give her an approved list of shows to choose from? Do you have Netflix? If so, there are a lot of things on there that aren't junk. My DD is older, and we let her watch a small amount of TV 2-3 times during the week. It is usually nature-oriented from Netflix: IMAX movies, David Attenborough Wildlife Specials, things like that. At your DD's age, the only thing I allowed her to watch were two DVD's: Baby Signing Time and Little Pim Spanish, and we maybe watched 1/2 hour every other week. Occasionally, we would listen to animal sounds or short clips on the National Geographic Kids websites.

 

I also think that you should do as much as you can to help your mom get out of the house, if she wants to. If there is no bus available (or your mom doesn't want to take it), what about paying for a taxi for them to go somewhere?
 

post #24 of 66
You're right OP. I'm sorry. That was harsh. I guess I just totally get how crappy and exhausting it is being stuck one on one (or two) with kids all day long. I have a car; do tons of playdates and errands, etc and I still get a little bonkers and stir crazy. Also, I would kill to have a family member babysit for me for even double what you're paying. Regardless, I could have said that more kindly and gobecgo did a much better job of explaining what I also feel.

Maybe you could mentally consider it a trade-off... Granny gets a little break, you get fabulous childcare. From an AP or natural parenting standpoint, a loving grandmother caring for a child is so wonderful especially compared to other options. Your daughter *will* be okay with a little tv.
post #25 of 66

I am not trying to fight but the approach to TV is not borderline crazy.

 

It is not just "no screen time" that matters but what other things family and the child do.

 

I grew up with fair amount of TV. I also spend tone of time in Hermitage, in the woods and reading Chekov and Tolstoy. I am far better read than many hippy dippy kids I met in in my university whose parent prohibited TV.


What one watches and how matters. Conversation about  shows matter.

 

My kids meditate, and work, eat dinner  with us every day,  and do chores and community projects.

 

They also watch TV. Including South Park etc

 

And guess what? Neither one of them is violent kid or does stupid pranks.

 

Neither one of them begs for things advertised on TV because we talk about marketing.

 

 

The older son who is on computer a lot finished high school 2 years early and in college.

 

 

Some of the shows on TV  and Web are amazingly well written.

 

Media is part of American life. To me, simply banning it solves nothing because it is everywhere. Might as well deal with it from  early age and teach a child to consume any media with critical approach.

post #26 of 66

My kids were screen free at that age too. I would concentrate ALL my efforts and do whatever I could to get them out and about. I go crazy staying home. I am sure your baby needs out too. It would be great for your baby to meet your Moms friends etc! Even if it's not kid stuff it would still be better than staying home all day.  I can see how your Mom needs that 30 mins.  If TV becomes your only option for that down time then i would look for gentle toddler movies. Maybe suggestions from others. Some of todays kids tv is so fast paced and dizzy. I love Kipper the Dog. They are short and sweet and very simple. I also liked Mr. rogers but maybe she is too young? baby Einstein? nice classical music for the background.

post #27 of 66
Thread Starter 

Thank you, nyssaneala! I really, really appreciate the specific info on what you let your DD watch and when. I love the idea of animal shows.

 

I agree that it's important to help my mom get out of the house--we are actually trying to get another car so that we can give her ours. Unfortunately there's no public transportation, but a taxi is a good idea!

post #28 of 66
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post

You're right OP. I'm sorry. That was harsh. I guess I just totally get how crappy and exhausting it is being stuck one on one (or two) with kids all day long. I have a car; do tons of playdates and errands, etc and I still get a little bonkers and stir crazy. Also, I would kill to have a family member babysit for me for even double what you're paying. Regardless, I could have said that more kindly and gobecgo did a much better job of explaining what I also feel.
Maybe you could mentally consider it a trade-off... Granny gets a little break, you get fabulous childcare. From an AP or natural parenting standpoint, a loving grandmother caring for a child is so wonderful especially compared to other options. Your daughter *will* be okay with a little tv.

 

Thank you. I really appreciate the apology. I was home with DD for the first year and was totally frazzled and stir-crazy, and even now what time I do have with her is overwhelming sometimes, so I totally get how frustrating my post could seem from that POV! I think a lot about how unfair it is to my mom that she has to be the one to put up with most of that, although she loves being with DD.

 

And you're right--I need to focus more on the positives of my mom taking her. I really do a lot of the time--I wish I had said that in my original post, because I totally see how it came across as ungrateful, especially when others don't have access to ideal or even satisfactory childcare. I also wish I had mentioned that she only takes her 3.5 days a week (MIL takes her the other 1.5), so she does have breaks. You're totally spot-on about the loving, focused care really being the best outcome for a child being raised in a natural or AP way.

 

Anyway, thanks again for responding. I appreciate the advice and your perspective.

post #29 of 66
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alenushka View Post

I am not trying to fight but the approach to TV is not borderline crazy.

 

 

Thank you for responding without fighting. I'd rather not debate my stance on TV in general. I have done a lot of research and feel strongly about my choices but am willing, as I have said, to bend them for my mother's needs. I'm glad that what you do for your family works and am in no way judging your stance on TV. It sounds like you have great kids.

 

This is, however, the TV-free forum and I was looking for advice from that perspective. While I welcome other perspectives, I'd rather not get into a debate about an issue larger than the one I'm dealing with with my mom. For what it's worth, I do plan to expose DD to media, I just wasn't planning on doing so this early.

post #30 of 66
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emma Bryan Fuller View Post

My kids were screen free at that age too. I would concentrate ALL my efforts and do whatever I could to get them out and about. I go crazy staying home. I am sure your baby needs out too. It would be great for your baby to meet your Moms friends etc! Even if it's not kid stuff it would still be better than staying home all day.  I can see how your Mom needs that 30 mins.  If TV becomes your only option for that down time then i would look for gentle toddler movies. Maybe suggestions from others. Some of todays kids tv is so fast paced and dizzy. I love Kipper the Dog. They are short and sweet and very simple. I also liked Mr. rogers but maybe she is too young? baby Einstein? nice classical music for the background.


Thanks! We will DEFINITELY be making plans for the colder weather about how they can get out of the house. Right now they are outside playing almost the whole day. She does have a friend with a baby in short walking distance who she could probably visit even when it's cold if DD's bundled up. Thanks for the specific suggestions on shows if we have to take that route--that's extremely helpful. The fast pace of shows is one of my prime concerns, so I appreciate suggestions from moms who have found slower shows. Thanks so much for the reply!

post #31 of 66

OP I understand where you're coming from, but as a mama who once had the hopes of TV-free but caved, I can tell you that I don't think 30 minutes a day is a big deal. For me, it was all day nausea with pregnancy when DS1 was a year and a half that made me resort to the screen. At the time I thought he was too young, and worried about his brain, but it was either a small amount of TV (so that I could lie down) or being in the bathroom all day unable to take care of him. Sometimes life disrupts your ideals and a small amount of screen time doesn't seem like too much of a sacrifice.

 

My kids, who are now older, can watch limited shows on the TV or on netflix that are parent-approved-- basically anything that's on PBS kids is alright with me and some of the cable network shows. When my kids were your daughter's age, I preferred shows that moved slowly, if that makes sense. Ones that ambled along at a peaceful pace and weren't all flashy and crazy. Some that I liked: Oswald, Max and Ruby, Kipper and Wonder Pets.

post #32 of 66

LOL.....sorry! I am picturing them stuck in an apartment with the walls closing in!!  Sounds lovely. We are in an apt. so it's hard to think past this sometimes. For just 3 days a week your Mum probably feels as blessed as you do to have that special time. Hope you work out a way to keep all happy. My kids are 9,10 and 3 and I really don't think they need tv but I am with them 24/7 and "I' need it. I feel guilty sometimes. I wish we could be tv free. We were and I still strive towards it....sigh!

post #33 of 66
Thread Starter 

Thanks loveandgarbage. I agree with you and I think that's the direction we're going. I really like this in particular: "Sometimes life disrupts your ideals." Although I know that, of course, sometimes being in the middle of a particular issue makes it hard to remember. Thanks also for the specific show recommendations.

post #34 of 66
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emma Bryan Fuller View Post

LOL.....sorry! I am picturing them stuck in an apartment with the walls closing in!!  Sounds lovely. We are in an apt. so it's hard to think past this sometimes. For just 3 days a week your Mum probably feels as blessed as you do to have that special time. Hope you work out a way to keep all happy. My kids are 9,10 and 3 and I really don't think they need tv but I am with them 24/7 and "I' need it. I feel guilty sometimes. I wish we could be tv free. We were and I still strive towards it....sigh!

 

LOL, don't be sorry--I suspect I made it sound like that in my original post! Don't feel guilty--everyone here who has reminded me how hard it is to get through that long day is right, and I only have one!

post #35 of 66

Another thought- how about adding videos for some specific purpose?  At that age my kids LOVED Signing Time and the signing really helped with toddler frustration too.  Or there are some cute foreign language videos out too.  Maybe if you could see it as *adding* something for your daughter instead of just the negative of the screen time it might help.

post #36 of 66

I think the real issue is the lack of car or transportation for your mom.  As others have said, I would have a real problem with not being able to go anyplace, day after after day.   If your mom was able to have a car to use, I think that would alleviate some of the desire for TV.  When my children were that age, we had a good routine going of going out in the mornings (playdates, errands, the park, the zoo, LLL, etc.) and then coming home for lunch and a 2-3 hour nap, which gave me a nice break.

 

Until you are able to buy a 2nd car, what about your mom dropping you or your dh off at work (depending on who works closer and the hours fit better) and picking you/him up again.  That way she has the car to go places, and even just the dropping off/picking up can add some nice routine to the day.  We've been a one-car family at various times and that is what I have done and it worked well.  Having access to a car, totally made the extra driving worth it for me. Of course, that wouldn't work if both of you have a long commute or need the car for work, but if not...I think it could work out nicely, at least temporarily.
 

post #37 of 66
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post

Another thought- how about adding videos for some specific purpose?

 

That's a great idea. Maybe a dance/singing video. Great suggestion, thanks.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ameliabedelia View Post

When my children were that age, we had a good routine going of going out in the mornings (playdates, errands, the park, the zoo, LLL, etc.) and then coming home for lunch and a 2-3 hour nap, which gave me a nice break.

 

This is basically their routine right now, since in the warm weather they're able to walk to playdates and playgrounds. DD plays really hard and when they get back DD takes a two- or three-hour nap. Having her drop us off is a really good idea, but unfortunately doesn't work for our situation. DH already has to drop me off for my train ride before driving himself to his work, which is far away from public transportation. When we started the babysitting my dad didn't have a job for which he needed the car, so we're kind of trying to work out the transportation kinks right now. DD and my mom are both really happy with their situation right now, but I think my mom is nervous about how they will occupy their time in the colder weather (I should have made that clearer), so I'm rushing to get the car situation taken care of before then. Thanks for the ideas.

post #38 of 66

For a below market price childcare arrangement with a loving and flexible family member, I would absolutely take the blow of half an hour of tv a day.  As a working parent, there are so many hills you can stake out and die on, but my experience is that, even with the greatest commitment in the world to screen free for your family, you are unlikely to wind up in a better position on this particular issue.  You could find another childcare arrangement, trade your whole paycheck for it, and then discover that the daycare has gotten a grant to bring iPads into the toddler classroom and your kid is playing Angry Birds during what you had thought was going to be naptime.  And also that you're paying overtime charges by the minute every time you get stuck in traffic, and have to stay home every time the daycare thinks she has pinkeye, and about a million other things that make life much harder.

 

There are lots of ways to manage screen access and restrict your child's viewing of commercials, and media you don't approve of.  You can present them to your mom as a means of guaranteeing that your daughter won't push a button and wind up watching CSI: SVU.  A Roku or something would provide max flex for your mom (watch what you agree is okay, at the best possible time for her and DD, without commercials), and you may be able to limit what content delivery comes in by it - I haven't set mine up that way, but would anyone else know?

post #39 of 66
Thread Starter 

Thanks for those ideas. I'll have to look into a Roku. I am definitely decided based on everyone's responses that if my mother still feels like TV-free activities I provide for them aren't enough in the fall, I will most certainly condone the half-hour. Previous responses have made me realize I was being short-sighted. Thanks everyone for the help.

post #40 of 66

The funniest part of this whole thing is that you probably have one of those kids who won't even stop moving when the tv comes on, so all this is for nothing :)

 

Personally, I'd let it go.  It's nice to have a perfect ideal plan, but life isn't really like that.  She's not insisting on pop tarts and frosting for breakfast lunch and dinner, it's Sesame Street.  

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