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Queer Conceptions - August 2012 - Page 10

post #181 of 356

I need some support, everyone. We've decided not to start TTC again until January. This is the right move for us financially, and I know it, but it is really, really hard for me to take. We both want a baby *so* badly and it hurts to put this off again.We're still not sure how we're going to try when we start again.


We also would like to start the fost/adopt process in January, but we can't find anyone who thinks it's even remotely possible. "This is not California" is the basic answer I keep getting over and over again. We haven't even contacted the people at children's services yet because we have been trying to find out how to approach it. Some southern states won't let it happen at all, some will let it happen openly, and others have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy; i.e., if you approach them as partners, you're screwed, but you can go in and call yourselves roommates and be fine.


All of this is incredibly frustrating.

post #182 of 356
BFN this morning...calling the doctor to get this thing jump started!
post #183 of 356

Erin-- I'm so sorry about your BFN... I think I'm likely to get a BFN in a few days too. I'm 9 days past O with no real symptoms. If it's not too personal, I am curious about your decision to go to a doctor-- (you're are in the same boat as me, right? just started TTC?). Are you going to have your hormones, etc, checked? or are you looking to go on drugs? I'm asking because I'd also like to "jumpstart" things-- rather than starting a cycle of disappointment and wasting money if it's not going to work without drugs, etc.  Again, please don't feel like you have to respond...  

post #184 of 356

WELCOME 2justicemamas!


Sotohana - I'm sorry to hear about DW's sister. Between that and the job transfer, you guys have a lot going on right now. It's certainly normal to have an odd period at times of big stress like that, but if it doesn't settle back to normal in a couple months, I would suggest she get it checked out. Anyway, I'm happy she is supporting you starting to TTC. Sometimes really good things happen in periods of transition! Good luck!


rs11 -- I don't know what to say about the financial part. It's a hard thing for sure. Maybe you can look at the intervening time as a much-needed rest. Re adoption in AL, I don't know much about it, but I found these pages if you haven't already:





Erin - I'm sorry about the BFN. I hope you get to jump-start soon!


Tandy - I'm not sure if I said this already, but in my experience of the last two months, the fastest way to see what's really happening with your cycle is to get ultrasounds. Trouble is, if you just started TTC, I'm not sure if they will be covered by insurance yet. You would have to check. The other thing to check is whether your provider actually offers transvaginal ultrasound (this involves a wand inside your vagina but is not as bad as a pap smear). If your provider is someone other than an RE (such as a midwife), they may not offer it.


AFM - Waiting for AF and drinking 1 measured cup of whole milk per day, because I read it can help ovulation, which appears to be my issue. The high-fat milk is a big change for me since I have been sat-fat paranoid ever since a very healthy relative of mine needed a coronary bypass about 10 years ago.

post #185 of 356

tandy: Here's my thought process: we are on very limited funds, I mean very very limited! So we only have a few options. We each have two vials left, so I don't want to waste them on trying at home if there is something wrong with either of us. I would like to get our hormone levels checked and a sperm analysis performed. I also want to use two vials per cycle like Brill suggests in her book about conception. As my DP says, "we'll try a Hail Mary pass!!" Then we will be out of vials, and we will have to make the decision to buy more or move on to a KD. Sometimes frozen just does not cut it, unfortunately. So in short, hormones checked, maybe an ultrasound (like outdoorsy said), if recommended by RE an HSG, and two vials, then on to KD. I really don't think we are candidates as of now for drugs, and I wanted to avoid them at all costs if we can. We have regular cycles, we chart, we ovulate. Ugh! Long annoying process but not as long as some on here, and for that we are grateful. Hope this helps! Good luck!


outdoorsy: I hope so, too!!

post #186 of 356

erin.  .sorry about your BFN. . hope your doc consult goes well


sotohana - sounds like you have been having an awful summer, I hope things turn around for you,  sounds like you and DW are wonderful supports to each other so that is the most important, what she said about the job and you pregnant is lovely :) 


outdoorsy. . hope that milk works for you!  I am drinking whole milk too! 


tandy. . hope you are wrong about the BFN, I know so many people who got BFPs with zero symptoms. . 


DIY, sorry you have to postpone but if you know it's for the best, I guess that can help you through this.  I know zero about adoption so can't help you there. 


2justicemama, welcome and baby dust to you! 


monk. . any updates???  


AFM. . I am feeling like AF is coming, due either Wed or Thursday so am trying to gear up for another cycle. . have to get make all these decisions about buying stuff for this cycle, new ovulation trackers, shipping kits etc and they all need to be ordered so but don't want to buy stuff on the .0000% chance I won't need it. . so happy with my life but during this process wish we could just have sex and make a baby!   And I wish POAS did not exist and you just got an email saying you were pregnant or not and to try again and you just had to wait for it and not stress.  Mothering could just send them out somehow magically. . 

post #187 of 356

Erin: I'm so sorry about your BFN.


rs11:  Ugh, that totally stinks.  I hear you on the financial end of things -- it is a total drain.  I'm lucky to be in a state that embraces glbt peeps, single or coupled, to foster and adopt.  I'm just not sure I can do the foster thing emotionally.  It's also still pretty early on for me, but it's been on my mind for years as an option, no matter what happens. I need to do a little more navel gazing before I'll know if that is right for me.  I wish I had some advice, but I don't.  Just know we're all here.  <3



2justicemamas: Welcome.gif


sotohana: It sounds like you've had a really difficult year (to say the least).  I hope things start easing up and looking up (way, way, WAY UP!) for both of you.  Stress definitely affects my cycle, and with as much disruption has your dw has had, I think it is totally understandable that her cycle is late.


AFM:  CD3 baseline ultrasound and blood work yesterday (e2/estradiol) revealed a cyst that needs to aspirate before I can continue.  It's an e2 feeder, so any meds would just feed the cyst and not help since my body thinks it's already got a lead follicle. Grr.  Sitting out this cycle.  This is the lightest period EVER, and it's probably because of the high the e2.  They said my "stripe" (measurement of uterine lining that needs to shed) is still significant, so all that needs to clear out.  Let's go uterus! Now, I'm getting irritated.

post #188 of 356
Originally Posted by cordelia15 View Post so happy with my life but during this process wish we could just have sex and make a baby!   And I wish POAS did not exist and you just got an email saying you were pregnant or not and to try again and you just had to wait for it and not stress.  Mothering could just send them out somehow magically. . 

Yes!! I 2nd those emails!  LOL!  Thanks for the laugh.

post #189 of 356
Hello there...i was in a search of a lgbt board for ttc. My partner and I have been talking seriously about starting a family together. I have two children..she has one..but we really want one together. We have a couple of willing donors and want to do this together at home. Now that we have started seriously talking about it I wanted to see what kind of success or tips there are out there. I am not sure when we will start attempting this..but hopefulky soon..as I guess you never know what kind of journey it will be or how many times we may have to try. I look forward to meeting you alk :-)
post #190 of 356
Thread Starter 

Welcome.gif2justicemamas and mandalin79!  We look forward to getting to know you.  There are lots of knowledgeable folks here who can help answer questions and offer support.


mrsandmrs wave.gif


sotohana - Ugh!  I'm so sorry to hear about your DW's sister.  That's awful!  You two are having a very rough year.  I'm glad you are communicating so well about TTC and both feeling good about where you are.  I hope you can figure out the job/living situation soon.  hug2.gif


rs11 - That is rough!  I'm so sorry.  I totally understand how you feel having to put it off even a few more months.  It is also very frustrating that the political situation is as it is where you live. 


Erin - I'm so sorry about your BFN.  I hope the doctor visit gives you some useful information.  This is a very expensive process so it is always good to know that you are healthy to start with.  It might be nothing, it might just be you haven't gotten pregnant yet.  Even if everything is great, it can take time.  A midwife who worked with Brill and helped write that book told me that it takes an average of 4 tries to get pregnant with frozen sperm.  You said you wanted to get a sperm analysis.  I'm not sure how that would work with frozen sperm.  They would have to thaw it to do the SA, and it couldn't be refrozen.  I don't know if you could then use the sample for an insemination.  That would be something to find out.  The numbers and motility are supposed to be disclosed by the sperm bank.  If you do not get what they promised, they should give you a refund.  They should also be able to tell you if that donor has had pregnancies or live births.  I would assume they also check the morphology because there wouldn't be any point in accepting a donor with poor morphology.  My RE usually does the IUI and then takes whatever tiny bit is left in the syringe and looks at it under a microscope to make sure they are swimming.


cordelia - I hope you don't need to buy supplies for next month!


jenny - I'm sorry about the cyst and that you will have to wait for it to clear.  I hope your body gets back into whack during this next cycle so next time you are good to go!


Good luck to everyone is the TWW, especially those near the end. 

post #191 of 356

Hello Everybody. I've been away for what seems like many moons. I think my last post was in April. I didn't intend to be gone for so long- at first I was legitimately busy with planning my good friend's baby shower in May but then after that I've been in a ttc funk which maybe I'm gradually climbing out of.


I have to say Congratulations to Cananny!!!!!!! clap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gifclap.gif

How exciting! I know how long you have been trying and you and DW have gone through so much in this process. My happiness for you is beyond words. You getting pregnant is actually somewhat inspiring for me. I think we are about the same age (36).


I'm sorry to hear that RS11 has to take a few month break. I know how agonizing this could be. I will be thinking about you.


Since I've been gone for a bit there are many new "faces" here to me. Hello. Hello. A special prayer to everyone in the tww.


AFM: So lots been going on for me and DW. We found a really nice kd from Oregon. We have tried with him for three cycles now - doing home ICIs with shipped fresh swimmers. Kd is so organized and communicative..it's nice and refreshing from our last kd. Also I've started to see a naturapath. This is something I've wanted to do for some time but just couldn't afford it. The first visit was 250$ out of pocket. She has started me on Wobenzym - which is supposed to help with inflammation (i have a hx of endo). After analyzing my temp charts, she has told me that I'm estrogen dominant and wanted to change my diet to incorporate cruciferious veggies that have something called DIM in it which helps to regulate the estrogen in my body. So lucky me everyday I eat a serving of either broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, or bok choy. I have also recently gone back to acupuncture as well.


The two biggest challenges since I've been away have been the following 1) DW and I had really been arguing alot and nearly got to the point of separating. It wasn't necessarily about TTC process. After two years of ttc, it feels like we don't necessarily have to be talking about ttc to be arguing about it. It's the pink elephant in the room - and if either of us were having a bad day we would find someway to weave it into the discussion. After some focused work on connecting, we have been doing better. I think we might have had one tiny argument in the past two weeks. This is unbelievable improvement.


2) Our really good friends (lesbo couple who had been ttc for  2 1/2 years) had their baby boy at the end of June. We are really close to them. We probably see them at least once a week. They are extremely sensitive and supportive to us but recently it's been a little difficult for me to be around their son bc of how much I want a child of my own. Also, although I care about my friends and want them to have the support they need, it is a little hard to hear about them connecting with other new lesbo parents in the areas. It's a club I want to belong to so badly. To boot, my sister who is 2 yrs younger is about 6 1/2 months pregnant too and I'm planning her a shower. I really wanted to at first but now it's wearing on me. I'm finding myself a little less enthusiastic than usual for this one.


It's hard bc at this point I don't know anyone else, gay or straight, ttc. Every time I hear about someone ttc - it's not too long before I hear that they are pregnant. I feel like I'm a weird lucky charm to help other people get pregnant. I don't mind that other people are getting pregnant, it's more that that I feel so alone in the "not pregnant but want to be" category. Maybe this is the biggest reason I am back here. I needed to be among a community of women who get what I'm going through. So thank you all for being you and I'm looking forward to hearing about your lives and soaking up some of your wisdom. 


Please put me on the "waiting to O" list- merci

post #192 of 356

Quick question then back to my cave...Do any of you ladies think 5 DPO is too earily for implantation bleeding? I woke about 3 am last night with cramps and now I have a very light pink spotting. I NEVER spot mid-cycle so its kind of freaking me out a bit. Any advice would be amazing!

Edited by Amt1015 - 8/15/12 at 9:29am
post #193 of 356

Hi AMT : according to most things that I've read and obsessed over, implantation usually occurs between days 6 and 13, but maybe it's possible that you o'd sooner than you think?


Good luck, I hope this is a good sign!

post #194 of 356
Thread Starter 

invitn - Great to see you back here!  I'm so glad the new donor is working out better and that you and DW are communicating better.  The naturopath sounds wonderful.  I hope your efforts are making you healthier and allow you to "join the club" soon.  I'm sorry everyone around you is getting pregnant.  That is definitely hard to take even when we are happy for people.  Right before I read your post, I saw on Facebook that some friends of mine in your 'hood are expecting their second.  I was happy for them but also kind of annoyed that they are pregnant again so soon when it's taking me so long to get 1.  Although it took them a long time to have the 1st and I think they ended up doing IVF so maybe they had some on ice.  Anyway, I understand your feelings, and I'm impressed that you are holding it together enough to host 2 baby showers.  You are a good friend/sister.  When you have your baby, they will have to throw you a fabulous fiesta!


Amt - That sounds a tad early but not by much.  Maybe the cilia in your fallopian tubes are super fast!  It seems promising to me.  Good luck!

post #195 of 356

So I think I got my OPK positive, first one but had faded lines for a couple days then a solid one, so put that down as my O day, was day 15. Now am I right in thinking that since I had a small temp surge on day 10 that I O'd a few days before my positive? CONFUSED! Really wanting to time my insem ON the day of O as would like to sway for a boy if possible! Need to get these timings spot on! 

post #196 of 356
Thread Starter 

twinkleeyes - You would O about 24-36 hours after a positive OPK.  So your O day is probably the day after or the next.  What was the small temp surge like?  How much did it go up?  Did you wake up later those days?  Did it stay up?  I would think if it went up for a day or 2 and then went back down to your normal low, then that was not your O. It could have just been an off temp.  If you O'd, your temp should stay up above the coverline until about the time AF arrives.  Are you using Fertility Friend or something online for tracking?

post #197 of 356

twinkleeyes. . the solid one would be your surge, the others don't really count, google "fade-in for lh surge" and you might get some more info. .I get a lot of light lines too and it drives me crazy.  I am switching this month to the tests that give you a more specific reading bc they drove me crazy figuring out O.   and as for going for a boy, good luck for you but trying to get your timing that specific for a certain sex might just drive you crazy. . I mean it's just my opinion, and obviously I'm not the one trying as it's your life so PLEASE only take this as an though to throw in and think about but sometimes getting pregnant at all is a challenge, and trying to put more pressure on yourself for M vs F might be a lot.  Also for me, I was desperate to have a girl and ended up with a son and honestly can not imagine any one in the world better suited for me as he is the perfect person in the world for me. . and also just bc you birth a boy doesn't mean he will stay that way :)  anyway again, not trying to be preach, I know this board is just about support and not about preaching so feel free to tell me I am out of line and I AM totally rooting for you to have the boy you and your friend want, just throwing a thought out there. . 


amt. . sounds little early but anything is possible!  could you have O'd a little earlier than you thought?  good luck! 


invitin - sounds like you are working through some big issues but are coming out on the bright side. . I hope pretty soon you get your little one and that you can kick that TTC elephant out of the room forever! 


baby dust to all! 

post #198 of 356

Welcome to new people and to those who are returning to the board. 


Jenny-- So sorry to hear about the cyst. Sounds brutal to have to wait for something ELSE before waiting to conceive... Hope it aspirates quickly


Is anyone else still stuck in the hell that is the TWW with me? Pokey?? Monk?


AFM, I am now 10dpo.  Last night, I finally had what I thought were "symptoms," but of course they also could have beenvery  early AF symptoms or simply my mind making body go insane 

I will probably POAS tomorrow morning because I have no discipline ROTFLMAO.gif

post #199 of 356

tandy - We're exactly the same, 10 DPO.  POAS at 7 DPO and then again today.  No discipline, like you said.  Still trying to wait until Saturday, but might cave on Friday... So frustrating to get those BFNs even though they mean nothing this early!

post #200 of 356

easttowest-- so glad you're with me in this! and I confess to having POAS this morning, and I didn't even tell my DP because I knew it was so dumb. I will try really hard to wait until Saturday, but I can't promise anything smile.gif   

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