Queer Conceptions - August 2012 - Page 11

[cordelia15]

Ugh, well i am out. . stupid AF came a day early.  well probably saved me from poas (peeing on ANOTHER stick)  Next time they are not in the house, it's like knowing there is a homemade cake sitting on the counter. . of course I am going to eat it!  

Oh well, maybe I'll go eat some sushi and gear up again.  

Hope I am the last BFN of the month!  Good luck to all. . 

[JustAnotherJenny]

Dag Nab it!  I cursed everyone!!  We were on a BFP roll!!!  I'm sorry Cordelia.  :(  and Tandy/easttowest, There really should be a program to ween off of pee sticks... 

My period is over, it was light and yet my boobs are still KILLING ME.  I know there is no reason to pee on a stick, but I can't say that it hasn't crossed my mind... but I am proud to say, that I haven't done it!

[redrockband]

Thanks all for the warm welcome. 

Sotohana: Sorry to hear about DP's sister, I can't even imagine what that would be like, best wishes to you both

Sorry to hear about the BFN's, fingers crossed for all still waiting. 

AFM: I don't have much to say for us, nothing really going on yet. I just started temping and am, for absolutely no reason at all, very nervous about talking to potential KD next weekend. I wasn't nervous to ask initially, but now the possibility that he will say no seems more real. 

A little more about us. We've been together for 4 years, married for 2. We both just finished our master's degrees, moved back to our home state and now both have jobs, which is what we were waiting for before TTC. 

[sotohana]

2justicemamas- that's awesome that you have your ducks in a row like that. I wanted that so badly too and have it for the most part. This is the  upside of being a lesbian ttc. It is so planned that you really can have the support of your community to wait until you and your partner are truly ready. Believe me, I thank my lucky stars many days that i don't have a teenager already like a few of my friends.

I'm so sorry about your BFNs Cordelia, JustAnotherJenny & ErinTNgirl. Onward and upward, eh? 

Tandy & Easttowest- y'all sound just like me! I keep joking with DW that I'm going to ask the nurse what the sex of the baby is (when we eventually get pregnant) even though she doesn't want me to. lol. I am so bad at waiting. Keeping my fingers crossed for the both of you.

AFU- nothing too exciting- began reading What To Expect Before You're Expecting and realized that I'm officially "obese" according to the BMI they recommend you calculate. Blah. Whatevs. I'll do what I can, but I'm not gonna freak out about it. Other than that, just workin' and coming home and cooking dinner and trying not to lose my cool with how cramped we all are in this tiny one bedroom. I love my MIL, but damn I can't wait for her to leave. DW and I haven't had any time at all alone since her sister passed and we sooooooooooooo need it.

[easttowest]

I need someone to tell me that a significant temperature dip at 11 DPO could mean anything (or nothing!).  It usually means AF is coming, but it would be extremely early today, and even tomorrow would be a day or two early, as it is not expected until Friday or Saturday.  Trying to stay positive and remember that it's not over until it's over, but better to be prepared for the inevitable instead of kidding ourselves.  :(

[pokeyAC]

easttowest- I have read about implantation dips, so that's possible if she doesn't normally dip like that.  Hang in there!

Cordelia - I'm so sorry about your BFN!  They always stink.  Enjoy your sushi.  I think it's good to give yourself a treat when you have to start a new cycle.  I would prefer that cake you mentioned to sushi though. 

Tandy - How ya doin'?  Monk - any word?

AFM - Not much going on here, about 9DPO.  I felt bloated from all my medications, but I've been feeling better since Friday.  My RE told me to drink lots of electrolytes and that seems to have helped a lot.  They were concerned about OHSS with the injectables so they told me to take low-dose aspirin to prevent blood clots and drink lots of electrolytes.  My blood tests came back fine.  They told me I could do a blood test on Saturday, but I don't think I could get the results until Monday when the nurses are back in the office, so I will probably wait.  Maybe I will POAS Sunday.  Have to discuss it with the wife.  The HPT's make her nervous. 

[outdoorsy]

Feeling very discouraged today. CD 38. Boobs have been a little tender, so AF may be coming. But on Monday, the RE's financial staffer called to say she didn't know if my ins would cover my treatment because I haven't been exposed to sperm under a doc's supervision 6 times. I've been three times, and at least three other months when we didn't insem because it was clear I was having ovulation dysfunction. The RE told me in the intake visit that my care should be covered because I have a medical problem! Now I don't know what to think. I have a good ins co, so I didn't expect a problem. AF could come at any time, insurance approval of the cycle could take 2 weeks, and she said the cycle will cost $950, not including the sperm!

[tandy401]

outdoorsy:  That really sucks. I think you should push them to cover you, especially given the fact that they diagnosed your O issues. Sperm is expensive enough. That is so frustrating!!!

Pokey: I really really hope this is your month.

Cordelia: I'm sorry AF arrived. At least it won't be long until you can try again. Sushi sounds great-- that's probably what I will eat in a few days. 

easttowest: I think the temp just could easily be a somewhat late implantation dip. Stay positive. 

AFM,  I went to my gynecologist yesterday for my annual as well as for peace of mind that everything is in good working order. She was surprisingly low-key about things like CMV-- didn't even want to test me. What have other people been told about it? She said I shouldn't consider drugs or hormone-testing until I have tried at least 3 cycles.  Also, she gave me, like 10 needleless syringes, which I interpreted as her way of expressing support. 

[outdoorsy]

For chrissake, I haven't insemmed in so long I feel like a mascot around here instead of a participant. I am so tired of waiting. WTF!

I know everyone's pain is relative, and some may be worse off than me, but what I wouldn't give to be in the "torturous" two-week wait right now.

[outdoorsy]

Hi Tandy,

If I remember, what I was told about CMV was that as long as the donor is negative, your status doesn't matter. If the donor you want happens to be positive, then you have to find out your status, if I recall.

She's right about the three cycles. Even with the cost of sperm, it's worth trying to avoid the drama of treatment you may not need. And hooray for her support with the needleless syringes!

[cordelia15]

outdoorsy - that sucks.  .I say push and push, insurance companies often try to get out of stuff!  I hope there is a way around it. . seriously, straight people have to have sex in FRON T of a dr. 6 times before they get insurance?  I don't get it. . 

tandy. . that's good news! 

easttowest. . really hoping that was a implantation dip

pokey. . fingers crossed for you! 

[gellybeangrl]

Cannanny~ I'm just dropping in to tell you Congratulations!!!!! So happy for you girl...stick little bean stick!  

Outdoorsy~ I've been through this twice with two different insurance companies. I see that you live in Mass...I live in IL and there is a mandate here for Insurance companies to provide infertility coverage...it is below. You should check to see what your state offers. I had to work with my OBGYN, and my RE...but while we waited we did at least 6 ICI's at home...and we kept our OBGYN in the loop and she added notations to my chart and then had me come in for beta's...so this was also used to help me qualify for insurance benefits. I have totally found out that you have to be your own advocate...and call them, call them and keep calling them. If your RE and your OBGYN, or family Dr to help you is always a plus. Good Luck!

"The Illinois fertility treatment insurance law defines infertility as the “inability to conceive after one year of unprotected sexual intercourse or the inability to sustain a successful pregnancy.”

 

Who is Covered?

Any woman who receives coverage under a fully-insured group policy of accident and health insurance or HMO contract for a group larger than 25 who:

1. Is unable to conceive after one year of unprotected sexual intercourse;
2. Is unable to sustain a successful pregnancy;
3. Has been diagnosed by a physician as having a medical condition that renders conception impossible through unprotected sexual intercourse; or
4. Has undergone one year of medically based and supervised methods of conception, including artificial insemination, which a physician has determined to have failed and are not likely to lead to a successful pregnancy.

NOTE: Each of these four categories of infertility is independent of the other. For example, if a physician determines that one year of artificial insemination has failed and is not likely to lead to a successful pregnancy a woman shall be considered infertile for purposes of this coverage, regardless of whether she satisfies any of the other three categories of infertility."

Gelly

[cordelia15]

so I need some advice.  my KD is ,moving at the end of the month, I am most likely to O the tues or wed of that week.  I asked him if they would feel like that is too much to mail a shipment that week and he replied back saying if I could wait to september that would be much better because that week would be insane and the whole thawing, timing, shipping process was a little stressful.  So after being devastated, my thought was maybe I could ask him if he could handle just one shipment, instead of two.  DH thinks I am insane and being insensitive and while RATIONALLY I think he is probably right, my hormones and heart say NO NO NO I can't wait another month, isn't this a fair compromise and if KD says no then of course I will wait.  DH says KD was probably just trying to be nice by not just saying no outright.  ..okay, so tell me, is it wrong to ask if once is a possibility or should I just suck it up and move to the waiting it out category over here?  Feel free to be brutally honest and tell me I am being an insensitive a@@   

thanks in advance. ..and please if someone could get a BFP today that would make me feel better! 

[rs11]

Originally Posted by outdoorsy 

For chrissake, I haven't insemmed in so long I feel like a mascot around here instead of a participant. I am so tired of waiting. WTF!

I know everyone's pain is relative, and some may be worse off than me, but what I wouldn't give to be in the "torturous" two-week wait right now.

You and me both, outdoorsy. You and me both.

I do have a bit of good news. First, my "O" this month was the strongest it's been yet. I think my body is starting to figure out what it's doing. :)

Secondly "we've" been accepted into foster parenting classes. I put that in quotation marks because it will technically be DW who's taking the classes. I have to take the classes and get a background check, but other than that, as far as the state is concerned, I don't exist. This is how it works for queer couples in our state. This is the ONLY way it works. Oh well, at least it does work.

And it takes 9 months to get certified. I find that extremely amusing...

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by cordelia15 

so I need some advice.  my KD is ,moving at the end of the month, I am most likely to O the tues or wed of that week.  I asked him if they would feel like that is too much to mail a shipment that week and he replied back saying if I could wait to september that would be much better because that week would be insane and the whole thawing, timing, shipping process was a little stressful.  So after being devastated, my thought was maybe I could ask him if he could handle just one shipment, instead of two.  DH thinks I am insane and being insensitive and while RATIONALLY I think he is probably right, my hormones and heart say NO NO NO I can't wait another month, isn't this a fair compromise and if KD says no then of course I will wait.  DH says KD was probably just trying to be nice by not just saying no outright.  ..okay, so tell me, is it wrong to ask if once is a possibility or should I just suck it up and move to the waiting it out category over here?  Feel free to be brutally honest and tell me I am being an insensitive a@@   

thanks in advance. ..and please if someone could get a BFP today that would make me feel better! 

I would leave it until September and tell KD that you completely understand and that while you're disappointed you can wait. I don't think you're being insensitive but I also think giving your KD as much "room" as possible is so important. Our KD has bent over backwards to help us and we so, so appreciate it. If he said no one month I would have been really upset but really, it's only a month and I appreciate that he has a life and other commitments too. Good luck!

Hi everyone! I still check in periodically!

[JustAnotherJenny]

Cordelia:  I have to say that I've got to side with Carmen on this one.  I think it really is important to give the KD space.  I would let him know you understand, but are disappointed and to please let you know if anything changes.  That sort of puts it in his mind that if he could pull it off, great, but otherwise you get it.  It sucks sitting cycles out, so I totally get your frustration.  Hopefully, he'll change his mind.

Hi Carmen!  Nice to see you around!!  :-)

Outdoorsy:  Hugs to you.  xoxoxo  I hope your AF shows up so you can get this ball rolling!

[outdoorsy]

Sorry for yesterday's negativity, y'all. Just had to get that off my chest!

Gelly -- Thanks for the info. We also have mandated infertility coverage in Mass. My plan covers it after 12 cycles of "exposure to sperm" for women under 35, and 6 cycles for women 35 and up. The trouble is, I shouldn't be forced to put sperm in there each month if I'm not ovulating! I do have some hope that the insurance company will see the light. I'm not looking forward to difficult phone calls with them, but I'll do it if need be.

Cordelia -- I side with DH. It's not that you're being insensitive, but that you have to go out of your way to not make him feel pushed at a time like this. He's giving you his DNA. You don't want to spook him into deciding this is all too much.

rs11 -- Yay for a strong O! We too have considering fostering (or adopting), but since DW is firm that she only wants one child, I don't want to fall in love with an adoptable kid and then have a dilemma on our hands.

[mrsandmrs]

outdoorsy - that "exposure to sperm" clause sounds completely homophobic. lesbian couples are infertile from day one. have you checked around to see if anyone else has explored the legal repercussions of that law? .... it might be worth asking at a legal advocacy group like Lambda Legal for advice. 

[cordelia15]

thanks everyone. . you are all of course right, I think I knew it in my heart but my "BABY BABY BABY" monster is crying.  I am going to just wait this one out and go for a little September baby.  I guess that is the part of bringing known people into it, you get a lot, but it's def not "all about you" so I am going to suck it up (or not in this case)  Thanks for keeping me sane!  

[easttowest]

outdoorsy - Vent away.  It's good to keep all of this in perspective.  We went through a year of waiting to adopt, and we met so many people who were on their last hope to have children.  It's useful to remember that, even when this process is frustrating, we have it as an option.  I go through periods of being so angry that most people can have kids without any cost or struggle... and then they complain about birth control.  Cry me a river.  It's all irrational, but sometimes you just need to vent.

cordelia - Glad you came to that conclusion.  We have a KD as well, and his feelings and preferences matter, too.  It's kind of like navigating an open adoption relationship - not quite, but being prepared for that situation has helped in thinking about it.  If he wants to take a month off, nothing can force him, and plenty of things can alienate him.  Good luck!

afu - 12 DPO and not much going on.  Temperature dipped significantly yesterday and came right back up today, so obviously we are hopeful it was an implantation dip, but we know it could be nothing.  Tested this morning anyway, still negative.  Trying to be calm.  Whatever we do, we'll pretty much know for sure in two or three days anyway.