First time mamas, how are you doing? « Back to Group Discussions

[Aletheia]

As things get more interesting here with Mo reaching the 4 month mark, I am remembering my first babe and how hard this period was for me.  For some reason, I had thought that the newborn days would be the hardest, and for some reason (I think, honestly, because clothing sizes go from 0-3 months) I had thought that by 3 months life would seem normal, I'd be getting more sleep, and I'd have my daytime schedule all figured out.  But that January of 2007 was really one of the very worst months of my life.  Baby's sleep got WORSE, not better, and while the dairy elimination had helped with the terrible rash and awful poos, the doctor was urging me to eliminate more things because he was obviously still reacting to something.  Looking back, I was in a really bad place mentally and just didn't even know where to go for some support.

Anyway-- I thought I'd just reach out to the first time mamas here to see if you are managing ok, and how life with a baby is meeting or not meeting your expectations.  I wish someone had reached out to me then- I'm not sure what I would have said- but it would have been reassuring to me to know that things are not magically supposed to click into place just because my baby doesn't look like a floppy newborn anymore.

[flavorfull1]

I appreciate his thread so much. Definitely needed it with th first. Seriously, it is hard no matter what but so hard as a fist time mom. Let us giv support if you want it mamas!

[Thursday Girl]

I totally agree, i remember sitting on the floor sobbing, adjusting to life with a kid can be hard.

[chiromama01]

Great thread. I remember how much of a shock it was for me. I had 10 months to prepare and thought I was ready for anything, then realized when she got here that I had no idea what I had gotten myself into! It was super hard for me to adjust.

[NicMom]

Honestly, maybe I assumed it was going to be much worse, but it hasn't been that bad.  I thought I would be a zombie from sleep deprivation, have a collicky baby and have problems breastfeeding.  Other than the breastfeeding, which was actually amazing the first six weeks and only went to crap after that, it hasn't been that bad.  Savian is super chill.  I thought I would be able to get more done around the house than I can - he hasn't really taken to the wrap like I was hoping.  I was thinking that I could just wear him all the time and get things done, but I found I have to just hold him.  Maybe when I can start using more of the wrap holds that allow him to move more he will like it more. 

Of course I also assume my husband would have a job and be able to help out more with the baby than he does.  He is busier looking for a job than he is when he is working.  The stress is also causing arguments but I hope it will calm down soon.  He is starting back up with his old company temporarily until he can find another job.  Unfortunately that means he has to spend 3 nights a week out of town.

As far as the breastfeeding recently, that has been the worst part.  I bawled my eyes out when I had to start supplementing.  I am just so happy that we may have an answer now.  I just hope I can find enough  dairy free breast milk to keep him tided over until I can build up my supply.

[prettyisa]

Thanks for this. I’m having a really rough time transitioning back to work for some reason. E is healthy and happy and not causing the least bit of trouble (I expect she’ll more than make up for it someday, but for now we’re just thankful that eating, sleeping, and playing are going as well as they are). My problem is having to leave her every morning for my job. I don’t know what would be better—staying at home was stressful in different ways, and I’m pretty happy with my work, so I don’t know that there’s any real solution. I just thought that getting through the first three months so smoothly meant that we were home-free, but I just feel sort of deflated and sad all the time. When I’m at work I wish I could see the baby. When I’m at home I feel like I’m not doing enough with her, or not connected as much as I should be, even though I realize that I can’t play with her every second (we need to eat, she likes to play on her own, things need to be cleaned, etc). I’m hoping it gets easier as we get more used to our new schedule, but it sucks, and none of my IRL friends are in this boat with me.

[chiromama01]

So sorry ur having a hard time prettyisa, it is hard to go back to work, but at this point I've realized that it's hard whether u stay home or not. It's a lot of work either way, and I always feel like I should be doing more at home and at work. It does get easier though. But boy it can take a while. Maybe you'll get a project at work that will excite you soon, to help distract you a bit. I keep repeating to myself that I should not feel guilty about what I can't change, and sometimes I even believe it I have to work, so it is what it is...ok, now I feel like I'm rambling...good luck mama and I hope u here up soon!

[prettyisa]

thanks, Chiro! Things seem to be getting better--we've planned some visits so I can see her at lunch, and I'm scheduling some days off so I have things to look forward to, and that seems to be helping. And you're right--I can't change my situation right now, so I should make the best of it and be glad that I like my job most of the time. I just found out that two of my neighbors are both due with little girls in October, and they're both planning to go back to work. I feel like I've got at opportunity for a little community (play group! babysitting collective!), which is also reassuring. Even if I need to wait until next spring for it.

[RosieL]

Thanks for this thread! I feel like we have great days, normal days, and hard days, and same goes for nights. Transitioning back to work slowly (one day in a week, then two, then three for two weeks, then full time) has been great. I really don't love that I need to take a 15 min break to pump every 2 hours, but that's what it takes to keep up with his bottle consumption so far. We're working on sleep. I think we're in the middle of a 4-month sleep regression paired with distracted breastfeeding. He had started clamping on my nipple the other day. We gave him a bottle at home for the first time in weeks (he only gets bottles at daycare) and I realized that he clamps down on the bottle's nipple to get a break and breathe. So he has a bit of confusion between nipple and nipple...but it's getting better.

I have to say, the thing that is the absolute best discovering is back wrapping. He enjoys it, especially if I'm walking, and I can cook a meal. It started off only 5 min at a time, but now we're up to about a half hour of back carrying before I feel the fussy wiggles. 

This is quite the adventure, indeed. Despite it being tough and not having it all figured out, I want MORE. I have a desire for another NOW. I'm pretty sure this is a very hormonal emotion. Especially because I'd be devastated if I lost my milk now...but I really want another one!

[tarabelle]

I'm actually really good, too! rosebud is a super chill baby and we both just feel blessed. my only complaint was that rosie just wouldn't take a bottle and i was starting to feel a little stir crazy and was feeling a little bit stressed about returning to school in september BUT rosebud now takes a bottle!!! I'm absolutely delighted!

[prettyisa]

Rosie--I want more, too! We're already talking about timing for #2. So far the consensus is next December to start TTC, but it's surreal to even be discussing it when she's still so little...

[RosieL]

December 2012 or 2013.

Every time I think about it I think "it is crazy to be planning for another already" but I can't help myself!

[prettyisa]

2013. We have to do IVF and they really want you to not be nursing for that, so I want to allow E plenty of time to get what she needs on that front. I figure by that time she'll be weaned already, or only nursing as a comfort thing and not for food, so I won't have to feel bad about cutting her off. Plus we're starting to talk about remodelling the house, which sounds big and complex and expensive and if we have to move out while they do it I don't want to be pregnant and out of my nest, if at all possible.

[RosieL]

Makes lots of sense.