Older mothers? « Back to Group Discussions

[thentherewere4]

Hi there,

I know I'm not the only one out there to be considered "advanced maternal age"....

how are you other AMA ladies doing?

I'll confess that this time around I am a bit more concerned about the perception of others since I am the big 4-0.   I know that the numbers/risks don't instantly change on your 40th birthday, but I AM more conscious of the risks....and I KNOW that I'm going to be the old one in the crowd when dd/ds graduates high school...

I'm also going to have the full gamut of tests performed this time around (amnio and whatever else is offered).

anyone else care to share?

TTW4

[cocoanib]

I'm 36, so I may be considered AMA. I'm not sure what the cut off age is.

I don't feel AMA though. I have a 2yr old and am expecting the new little one of course!

I haven't had any prenatal visits yet, so I'm not sure how age will play out with that.

I'm glad I waited until my 30's to start having children though. I was not ready before then and I feel like DD came right on time. At this point in my life, I feel like being a Mama is the most important thing that I could be doing and it's my main focus. 

Age did play a part in planning number 2. I didn't want to wait to long for DD sake and also for ours. I would like to have the kiddos raised and off having their own lives while there's still time for DH and I to have some retired fun years.

[BetsyPage]

I'm 35, will be 36 when baby is born... I am actually considering NOT doing any of the testing other than the anatomy scan... I don't think this pregnancy will be too much different than when I was 26 & 29 in my earlier pregnancies. I am probably a bit more tired... but it's more fun because my girls are so interested in the pregnancy, I think they will get such a kick out of it as time goes on!

[CalmCenter]

Im 39. I was 36 when my first was born. My midwife didn't consider me any different than other younger moms. She had had lots of clients in their late 30s, 40s and said often older moms are more careful with diet and keep in better shape! That confidence helped and I had a good pregnancy and birth. I think I may have had a longer recovery being older, but hard to say too. 

I won't do anything different in this pregnancy, and feel grateful for having midwives who don't treat me differently either. 

[EverLovely]

I'm 37. First baby. I'm feeling great. I think reproductive/health age is a lot different from chronological age, and has a lot to do with lifestyle choices.

Tell you what, I know I'm doing a far sight better than the 22 year old I know who is due the same month as me and who eats a box of Pop Tarts every other day.

[maydaymom10]

Originally Posted by CalmCenter 

Im 39. I was 36 when my first was born. My midwife didn't consider me any different than other younger moms. She had had lots of clients in their late 30s, 40s and said often older moms are more careful with diet and keep in better shape! That confidence helped and I had a good pregnancy and birth. I think I may have had a longer recovery being older, but hard to say too. 

I won't do anything different in this pregnancy, and feel grateful for having midwives who don't treat me differently either. 

My situation is about the same. I'm 38 (39 in October) and had my first at 36. The midwife group that I used before didn't blink an eye at my age, and the midwives that I've interviewed so far haven't really even asked. I came to the realization at an early age that I was going to be an "older mom" & used to joke about inventing a combo stroller/walker for myself. I used to teach high school, and it is amusing to me that some of my former students and I have kids the same age. Hah! 

As far as this pregnancy goes, I'm really not doing anything differently. I've been a little more tired, but I wonder if I'm just noticing it more since I was working throughout my last pregnancy. This time I'm staying home. Now that my morning sickness has subsided, I really want to work on getting my activity level and diet back up. I think being fit going into the birth is going to be the key to having another natural birth, but I have no doubts that I can do it.

[babytoes]

I'm 37, and my midwives didn't blink an eye at it. I think many more women are choosing to have their babies later now a days, it seems to be much more prevalent. I'm also not going to do any of testing, other than an u/s at 20 weeks. I figure that it doesn't matter anyway, I'm not going to terminate the pregnancy if there is something wrong, so doing the tests may just make me more stressed out. This baby will be loved totally and completely, no matter what!

[Irysmoon]

I'm 40 now, be 41 when baby is born.   This is my 1st pregnancy.   I'm still trying to decide whether to go the midwife or OB route.    Right now I'm under the care of a reproductive endocrinologist, so I'm sure they will push for me to go to my OB/GYN.     I don't have anything to compare this to like lots of you do, so far I'm doing pretty well.   I just rest and eat when I need to and really listen to my body.   

[thentherewere4]

Yes, my m/w is wonderful, and age certainly isn't an issue with her.

...this baby has been so completely unexpected, that it is my DH who is having SIGNIFICANT issues with age....i.e. throwing out numbers about how old we will be when baby graduates highschool, etc.

he also remembers a (very sickly) classmate from when he was growing up....he has attributed this boys' general lackluster attitude/health with having a 40 y.o. mother.

...I think that a 40 y.o. mother 30 years ago in a small resource town in a remote region of Canada is a poor comparison to me.

...but I KNOW he won't be the only one thinking that!

this has been an extremely stressful period of time for us.  He is continuing to push for termination, and I am continuing to push back. 

TTW4

[Peace+Hope]

*hugs* ATTW4.  

I am about to turn 39, and I had my first at 36.  Unfortunately any of my options for MWs in my area will not be able to order testing, but they also do not blink at older mamas.  

I did meet with a MFM 6 months PP last time to discuss my Pre-E and to seek a specialist opinion on whether it would be foolish to pursue home birth.  Her recommendation, knowing my age and history was to seek a 20 week U/S.  I can do this through them without being a full time patient supposedly, I need to call and find that out.

I'm on the fence as far as the types of screenings I want to pursue.  A good friend who is 40 had some soft markers at an early ultrasound and had an amnio.  She now knows her daughter has Down syndrome and feels grateful to be able to prepare, and get another check at 20 weeks to find out if there are significant heart defects that often come with DS.

I did not have a US with my first child and had HB MWs.  Looking back, it's clear that when we needed medical attention our MWs could not provide we knew where to turn and did.  I'm at peace with that, but having had complications AND being older, I do have more fears of something going undetected this time.

[maydaymom10]

Originally Posted by thentherewere4 

Yes, my m/w is wonderful, and age certainly isn't an issue with her.

...this baby has been so completely unexpected, that it is my DH who is having SIGNIFICANT issues with age....i.e. throwing out numbers about how old we will be when baby graduates highschool, etc.

he also remembers a (very sickly) classmate from when he was growing up....he has attributed this boys' general lackluster attitude/health with having a 40 y.o. mother.

...I think that a 40 y.o. mother 30 years ago in a small resource town in a remote region of Canada is a poor comparison to me.

...but I KNOW he won't be the only one thinking that!

this has been an extremely stressful period of time for us.  He is continuing to push for termination, and I am continuing to push back. 

TTW4

My husband's father was 40 when he was born and he is still alive and kicking. At now 80, my FIL goes to the gym daily and maintains his fitness. All of his sons were active growing up and are still very fit as 40+ grown men. I also have a cousin who was adopted by my aunt & uncle when they were in their 40s. Both were organic farmers at the time, and my cousin (now in her late 20s) is fit and has a great outlook on life. I think it was because her parents had already lived so much of their lives before she came into it, and encouraged her to explore and live how she wanted. I don't think it's age that makes the kids. Believe me, as a high school teacher I've had students with parents who are younger than me to my parents' age, and age doesn't factor on how the kid turns out. I think it's the parenting approach/attitude that is given. As an older mother, I plan on setting a good example for my kids by remaining fit, active, and to keep my curiosity about life. I believe that they will feed off of that energy and my example (probably with eyes rolling) regardless of my age. Sure, I may be the "old mom" in their class, but I don't have to be retired. 

Sorry. This is such a personal decision for you and your husband, and I can't imagine having that discussion with my DH. But, there would be the points that I would make (and have emphasized at times). Good luck. I really hope he will reconsider his position. I'll keep you both in my thoughts. 

OMT - I met a woman last night who was 43 with a 8 month old (and also a teenager & 3 yo), who was talking about having another one. So. I think there's going to be a lot of "old moms" among our kids' classmates.

[SlimP]

I had my first child when I was 36 and will be 39 when this one arrives. My parents had just about given up on grandchildren but many of my peers are only starting their families now......a sign of changing times for sure! As a previous poster mentioned, our biological ages are far less than our chronological ages in most instances due to our healthier lifestyles.....in theory anyway our nutritional status and basic health practices go a long way. If you're healthy enough to menstruate, you're healthy enough to procreate.

Sometimes I wish I had the energy I had 10 years ago but advanced maternal age has brought its own gifts of patience, understanding and insight. I'm not going to undertake any testing as I know this child will be loved no matter what challenges it brings. Naturally I hope for a wholly healthy baby but everybody has their flaws and differences among us should be embraced.

[naturalmama1002]

I'm not AMA, as I just turned 33, but my DH just turned 42, so I can relate to what you are saying about "the older parent crowd". We honestly didn't consider it as much of a factor. It was only after I had my BFP that DH commented on how much older he was going to be than alot of other parents, and I told him, actually, I don't think so! (This is his first, our other two are from my first marriage.) When I was pregnant with DS #1, I was 23 and I was the youngest mom I knew. I lived in Chicago at the time and the norm was mid to late 30s for kids- for most of the moms I knew. I actually got all sorts of comments and reactions about being so young- people would check to see if I had on a wedding ring, and I would get a sort of "tsk tsk" look from older moms, like I was naive and it was an accident.

Now, I live in NC, and it is much more common here to see younger families, in some cases I am the oddball out because in my early 30s I don't already have 3 or 4 kids. However, there is still a large sector of the population that seems to be waiting until they are mid to late thirties or early 40s. We have friends who adopted two boys, who are the same age as our sons, and the dad is in his early 50s. It is much more common to spend years focusing on higher education, and a career, before introducing kids into the mix.
 

[spughy]

Hiya!  I'm another AMA mama - I'll be 40 in the next week or two.  I will probably do the early screenings available - while I'm not particularly averse to having a Down's baby there are other trisomies that I would definitely not want a child to suffer through, and we'd like to know and prepare if the baby has Down's. 

My DH is a few years younger than me, and a lot of my friends have recently had babies, so I don't FEEL like an absurdly older mom.  My MIL had her last at about my age too I think.  I'm in pretty good shape, a few pounds overweight but healthy and active and I feel better prepared, physically, for this baby than my last, which I had at 33.  And frankly I'm grateful for those extra pounds because last pregnancy, I didn't have them, and I have a very short torso and a big big baby and my stomach was the size of a walnut so I could hardly eat anything in my last trimester and only managed to gain 3 lbs and it stressed me out massively.  So I am happy to be going into this one with some padding and I can relax and eat what I feel I can and not journal about "desperately trying to stuff in the risotto" etc. 

[paulacagg]

So nice to see other mom's around/over 40 here. I found out that we are having baby #4 a week after my 40th birthday. Surprise Happy 40th Birthday gift to me. I am not going to get any of the tests, and will be delivering this baby at home with midwives. I have had one hospital birth and 2 birth center births. I am looking forward to experiencing this birth with my family along side of me. We are also not going to find out the sex of the baby, seeing as this one was such a surprise and we have 2 girls and 1 boy already! Excited about it :)

[paulacagg]

I also feel that having kids a bit older will keep me younger longer!

[maydaymom10]

Originally Posted by paulacagg 

I also feel that having kids a bit older will keep me younger longer!

Yes! I agree. I don't feel my age at all and I know some of that is due to staying young and healthy for my kids!

[JessNP]

I don't really belong here in terms of due date (2/10/13) -  but I am AMA (41, will be 42 when I give birth) and DH is not exactly *thrilled* at the idea of becoming a first time dad at age 43. He was pushing for termination early on, but once he realized it would never happen, he's been pushing for adoption (as if!) It's really tough, but he is slowly coming around. 

In terms of AMA, I've been really surprised at the response I've been getting. My OB barely blinked at my age. I went to a high risk perinatologist for my first trimester screen and he shrugged it off as well. He told me that 41 IS high risk, but he's had patients delivering in their 40's for thirty years. He currently has patients as old as 48! He seemed reassured by the fact that I am in great health (thank God) and I conceived naturally (I guess IVF poses increased risk for chromosomal abnormalities). It seems like everyone I talk to knows someone who has delivered at 40, 43, 45, etc. In fact, quite a few people have mentioned that I may want to have another right after this one (!)

Thank goodness that I don't feel (or look) my age. I have significantly more "patience, understanding and insight" vs. 10 years ago, as SlimP stated in her post. There is going to be a whole generation of kids with older parents. We won't be the only ones putting our kids through college in our 60s! 

[Xerxella]

I guess I'm AMA. I'm 37. I had my first at 31 and second at 33. I don't think most people bat an eye at older moms nowadays.

I have found that as I get older I'm definitely calmer and have more patience and I think that goes a long way to having a good attachment to your child.