Dinner the other night: Mom1, " He's a GREAT sleeper ever since we did CIO!" Mom2, "Yeah, isn't that awesome, that works SO WELL!".... etc... I don't say anything because it's already done and they're happy with it, besides everyone knows my kids don't sleep so why would they listen to me? But I was sad for the kids the rest of the night.
It boggles my mind that we treat infants this way. I actually really value independence, but I think it's absurd to expect it from a baby who can't feed or toilet, walk or talk... We're expecting babies to do what millions of adults have trouble with. Would CIO be acceptable in a nursing home?
I also can't stand the idea that CIO teaches self-soothing skills. I was actually told the other day that my 5yo had no self-soothing skills. It wasn't meant to be rude; she also said it wasn't good or bad, just different, and that we were doing a great job. But she also mentioned how her kids learned to self-soothe because of CIO. I find it really ironic. I'm attempting to teach 5yo so many self-soothing skills. At bedtime I tell her a story that includes stretching, deep breathing, touch (that she can do herself), imagery, listening... CIO doesn't do that. She is a very intense and spirited girl who had a stimulating, off-routine day with other people and was put to bed wired by someone else at a place that wasn't home. Of course, it took hours.
How did CIO come about anyway? Is is all about Ferber? Didn't he later say you shouldn't even use his method? (link please)
I have a hunch that since above babies were good sleepers before the 4 mo regression, and since they responded so quickly and easily to CIO, that a more gentle method also would have worked. But how can you raise awareness about them? I know that offering advice can be dangerous. And I can hardly say, "this is what worked for us" when my kids aren't great sleepers. I happen to believe that temperment plays a huge role, and that parenting is too complex to be simply evidence based, but I can't see why someone who only wants to sleep all night would bother to listen. I can't even say CIO didn't work for me because I refused to use it. Is something like "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears an acceptable shower gift? Are there any books that are acceptable? Is there some gateway to AP that might get them moving in a different direction?