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anyone fighting with your spouse? how are you getting through it?

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

Pregnancy seems to be a very difficult time for my marriage. Struggling with getting along and keeping the peace. We have a 2 1/2 yo and I am sick of fighting in front of her especially. We just started marriage therapy, which I am hopeful for. But, on a day to day we would just like to get separated. It is difficult logistically so we are trying to be separated in the same house. Kind of silly, but maybe it will work. 

 

We both have a strong commitment to stay together in some form to have an intact family, but it is getting harder all the time. Ugh! I know there is no quick fix but I'd love to hear your experience, especially any success stories. :) eyesroll.gif

post #2 of 8

I always try and remember that all of these changes effect him as well as you, and they can make each of you feel differently, but remembering that, as well as sometimes personal time for growth can help. My bf is pretty irritable atm as well.

post #3 of 8

Same here -- you are not alone. My tiredness & crankiness is definitely affecting DHs demeanor as well. He basically wasn't speaking to me last night when we went to bed & not until about mid-day today. Some of it is related to sex -- I haven't been in the mood mostly due to pure exhaustion. Anyway, I think we really need to open our communication a bit more -- we both tend to shut down when we get upset, which isn't good. I'm not worried about our marriage, but I think we're both going to have to change our mindset to get through this pregnancy. Also, DH has been going through a pretty grueling interview process for a new job and gets the offer tomorrow .Hopefully that will relieve some stress from his life & we can focus on us and our son.

 

ps - I ruined two of his best work shirts tonight, which didn't help. Dammit!

post #4 of 8

This was the worst time in our lives to get pregnant (we were preventing!). We had been dealing with a lot of crap in our relationship. Pregnancy has only made that harder. I feel like I have cried every day for the last month (and too much of it happens in front of our 2 year old). I am so emotional. We are getting into arguments about nothing. His schedule keeps us between 10 and 14 hours a day which isn't helpful (especially when we get into it before he leaves/on his way to work). 
I'm not worried that things are going to fall apart, I just wish it wasn't so stressful. If it keeps up like this, it will be a LONG pregnancy.

post #5 of 8

this pregnancy has been completely unexpected, and has caused an unbelievable amount of stress.

 

DH is continuing to push for termination, and I am continuing to push back.  Out of respect for him (and I can completely see his point of view) I/we have gone to a women's clinic for "counselling" and an ultrasound for dating....I am 'going along' with him, but letting him know every step of the way that this is wrong (for me).  At some point I'm going to have to put a stop to the facade....

 

I don't think I have ever been so stressed in my life, nor do I think I have ever had to make a more life altering decision.  Either way WE are going to lose.  I'm to the point where I am thinking about a possible separation years down the road -- would I feel better about separating if we DID have the baby, or would I better be able to live with a separation due to termination....make sense?

 

I envy others with their joyful pregnancies.

 

TTW4

post #6 of 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by CalmCenter View Post

Pregnancy seems to be a very difficult time for my marriage. Struggling with getting along and keeping the peace. We have a 2 1/2 yo and I am sick of fighting in front of her especially. We just started marriage therapy, which I am hopeful for. But, on a day to day we would just like to get separated. It is difficult logistically so we are trying to be separated in the same house. Kind of silly, but maybe it will work. 

 

We both have a strong commitment to stay together in some form to have an intact family, but it is getting harder all the time. Ugh! I know there is no quick fix but I'd love to hear your experience, especially any success stories. :) eyesroll.gif

 

Calm, I hope you find therapy good for you.  If you don't jive with the therapist, try another.  We've been in for 3 years and it has been the absolute best thing for us.  We can talk and discuss and disagree without big huge arguments.  We've both had to change along the way and accept the shortcomings of each other.  

Quote:
Originally Posted by thentherewere4 View Post

this pregnancy has been completely unexpected, and has caused an unbelievable amount of stress.

 

DH is continuing to push for termination, and I am continuing to push back.  Out of respect for him (and I can completely see his point of view) I/we have gone to a women's clinic for "counselling" and an ultrasound for dating....I am 'going along' with him, but letting him know every step of the way that this is wrong (for me).  At some point I'm going to have to put a stop to the facade....

 

I don't think I have ever been so stressed in my life, nor do I think I have ever had to make a more life altering decision.  Either way WE are going to lose.  I'm to the point where I am thinking about a possible separation years down the road -- would I feel better about separating if we DID have the baby, or would I better be able to live with a separation due to termination....make sense?

 

I envy others with their joyful pregnancies.

 

TTW4

I am so sorry TTW4, its such a hard situation to be in.  I feel like you would resent him regarding this no matter what, separation or not, and better to have a sibling for your other children and a child for you, with or without him, b/c you don't know exactly how your relationship with him will play out.  

 

We aren't fighting per se, but DH doesn't want to acknowledge or talk about what is happening.  With our losses, he can't even "go there" until later, refuses to tell anyone including MIL.  He's been having some severe anxiety lately and tummy trouble, on top of the fact that he's finishing his degree in the next 4 weeks and we go on our cruise vacation the day after his finals are over, he's just overwhelmed.  We had such a hard time with my son with GI stuff and food allergies, we both had PTSD from his infancy.  He is over the moon in love with Chase but is so fearful the next baby will be similar and rough on us.  We fought a lot when C was sick, on top of new parent stuff, the no vax, no circ, breastfeeding and elim diets.  We also went broke with medical bills healing him holistically instead of mainstream.  He's just worried that another baby will bring up more arguments and he likes the place we're at right now. 

post #7 of 8

Hugs to all the mamas here!
 

post #8 of 8
Thread Starter 

Deep breathe and hugs to everyone! I am so grateful for all my women friends and mama friends. With my first pregnancy I was in a new town and so isolated socially. DH and I fought a lot, but we also didn't have a child yet so I still had a lot of centering time to myself. This time I have lots of friends/support outside of marriage, but very little personal time. And we are fighting again. I know my tolerance during pregnancy is so low for anything that feels compromising for my well-being and our family's well-being. 

 

We went to a therapist 3 times. I don't love the therapist, but it is helpful for sure. 

 

Big prayers for strength, patience, and a cushion of love surrounding us all. We have talked about abortion. Ugh! I had 2 before and vowed I wouldn't do it again. I'm not going to. Even if my DH and I separate I know this child is coming and I will give him/her all I can and build the support we need to pull it off. I have faith. 

 

For all the moms struggling with challenges around pregnancy I send you lots of loving support to find your center and know your path. There is no wrong decision. Just acceptance and love. 

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