Is this PPD? - or am i just a bad mom?

[Triniity]

i am feeling really bad these days. i feel totally overwhelmed and unable to cope with my kids. i am crying a lot, about small and big things, i start crying while i am cooking and scare the kids with it. i try to tell them that i cut onions, but they don't believe it. 

i feel totally alone and abandoned, by basically everyone, and there is much to much on my plate. i am exhausted. 

i am not coping with my 4 year old adhd son at all. at the moment all i do is to lock him in his room when he gets violent. i don't believe in timeouts, i just cannot control him. 

i don't know what to do. i feel like the worst mom ever.

[SimpleLove]

You are not a bad mom! Could be PPD, but you admittedly have too much on your plate. What helped me was to get a little selfish and cut out all the unnecessary things being asked of me. I focused on what was going on inside my house only (kids, and minimal cleaning).. Stopped making plans or obligations because it was putting way too much pressure on me. Playdates, activities, etc. Be honest with DH, even if he currently feels like the enemy... For example, I think mine started to be the main grocery shopper when I felt the way you are right now.

[MeepyCat]

You sound really depressed and overwhelmed, and since you have a new-ish baby, and insurance is less annoying about PPD claims then claims for other mental health issues, I would encourage you to call it PPD.  Not because I'm 100% sure that your depression (which seems pretty profound from your post) is absolutely! post-partum!, but because I think using that term will help you get more help, faster, and cheaper then you otherwise could. 

I absolutely do not think that you're a bad mom, but it does worry me that you're locking your ADHD four year-old into his room when he gets violent.  That kind of thing makes me want to help your family get more services and help for your DS, so that he has fewer of this kind of outburst, and help for you, so that you have more energy and ability to cope when it happens.

[Triniity]

 

Originally Posted by MeepyCat 

I absolutely do not think that you're a bad mom, but it does worry me that you're locking your ADHD four year-old into his room when he gets violent.  That kind of thing makes me want to help your family get more services and help for your DS, so that he has fewer of this kind of outburst, and help for you, so that you have more energy and ability to cope when it happens.

Yeah, it is just sooo difficult. We don't live in the u.s. so it's probably even easier down here, at least we don't have to pay anything extra. 

I just don't know what to do with him when he gets so wild. He destroys everything and hits his sister - even hit her with a plank one day - and he manages to find something to destroy as well.  I got some tips today from his OT, but I am kind of lacking the energy of implementing it. I just want to curl up and hide somewhere. And he is such a sweet little boy and I love him so much. I want to help him so desperately. 

I think it's just all too much at the moment, this mess with the Inlaws, my DH who is totally not supportive and emotionally just absent. Two ADHD kids and a high need baby. 

And I feel so bad for even complaining since my friend gave birth to a little one who can not even breath on his own and probably never will. My son at least CAN scream. 

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Stopped making plans or obligations because it was putting way too much pressure on me. Playdates, activities, etc. 

I already did this. I don't know if it makes life easier though. We had a playdate yesterday, the first in a couple of weeks. and the kids went beserk. when the visitors left, I told DD that I think the other kids were frightened of her, that made her cry. which made me cry. That was probably totally insensitive to say. 

They are just sooo wild. And our living room/play area is about 60 squaremeter, so really enough space. And I honestly believe that the visiting family thought we are totally mad and will never come again. 

Tomorrow we'll go to the library. Hopefully they are not going to throw us out. 

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Edited to remove quote from deleted post.

I so understand! It is just so overwhelming ...

(can you suggest a book or something on handling ADHD?)

[deniumchick]

Hi Triniity,

Do you live near a park?  Perhaps you can put the baby in the stroller and take the kids to the park to burn up some energy.  My DS was so full of energy.  He didn't know what it meant to sit still for very long -- that is why I implemented the quiet time in the afternoon.  His therapist recommended behavior modification for him. 

You were asking about a book.  You might want to take a look at "Why ADHD Doesn't Mean Disaster" by Dennis Swanberg, Diane Passno and Dr. Walt Larimore.  Perhaps they will even have it at the library when you go tomorrow.  I hope you are able to find this book. 

Hang in there, friend! 

[ChristmasLover]

I'm overwhelmed as well.  I just keep telling myself that everything will keep getting better with time!  I also try to give myself lots of mental vacations by reading any little minute I can squeeze it in.

[pokeyAC]

I deleted a previous post because it contained a referral to Focus on the Family.  This organization advocates physical punishment of children which we do not support here at Mothering.  That referral is inappropriate in this community.