Baby name frustration « Back to Group Discussions

[tijana87]

So, we picked a name for our baby boy and we did it with the help of our four year old DD. 

DH liked it, I did too and then when we told our DD if she thinks we should name her baby brother that, she was like YES! So now she calls him that name all the time (when she talks to the belly, etc.)

We thought - Yay! Baby name issue ~ resolved.

When my mom found out what the name would be, she was like "Ughh.. that is not a cute name".

We are originally from a country in Europe and she wanted us to give the baby a name that is from our country's origin.

Problem is, we don't like ANY of them (at least not enough to name our child after it) so we picked a universal name (Latin/Italian origin).

The thing is, I think that she only doesn't like the name because it's not something that she'd name her child. Not because the name is ugly. The name is really cute and she knows it ! She just won't admit it and she's being hard-headed and trying to get me to dislike it.

Anyway, the biggest problem is that she mentions it every time I go to her house. Like, in the middle of conversation or right before I leave, she'll say something like "OMG, You know who else named their child THAT name.." 

Like she can't say the name, she says "THAT" name with a nasty facial expression.

Or she'll say "What about this name.......?"

I am on the verge of telling her to buzz off. I don't want to, it's my mom, but it's getting really annoying.

She's trying to get me to start hating that name.

:(

I tried telling her nicely that she's had her turn naming children, now it's ours, we've even had arguments about it and not talked for 2-3 days but she just won't let up. She'll let go and then the next time I see her, she'll do it again.

Sorry, I had to vent. 

[bostonmummy]

Sorry, Tijana. It's so frustrating when family butts in like that. I think it might be a good idea to tell her that the discussion is closed on the name issue. It's not worth losing your relationship with each other over something that she'll probably adjust to in just a few months. I hope you find a way to smooth out the strain over this particular issue.

[MommyofNRM]

Eh, I'd tell her to buzz off myself. We've had a lot of negative comments on the name we've chosen too, and at first I was so upset. At this point, it's his name. We like it. It's not weird or difficult to spell or pronounce. I'm over what our family and friends think of it. You picked the name for a reason- remind yourself of that! Don't let her ruin it for you. 

[gozal]

Repeat "the discussion is closed" or whatever phrase you like every single time she mentions it. It's hard, I know. I am having a similar issue with one family member, who I think really wants to have an official decision AND insists on having lots of input. Well, we don't do official decisions until after the baby is born, so it's not going to happen. So I just say "We'll see/we'll see when they are born" ad nauseum. It still drives me crazy, but it seems to be working...a little.

[UnderTheOldOakTree]

It is really frustrating when family gives you a hard time about names.  So sorry you are going through it as well.  We weren't going to share names but we've told the three year old as a part of prepping him for the baby and so the cat's out of the bag.  My MIL's been down right rude about our girl's name and I told her I'm sorry and she doesn't care for it, but it's not negotiable and she's just going to have to respect what her son and I chose together for our child if it is a girl.  She was a little put out, but hopefully she'll get over it. I also reinforced to DH in front of her that I'm not willing to change the names we worked so hard to choose at this point. I think it's important to establish the boundary and stick to it but in as kind of a way as possible....I know my own mother struggles with some of these boundary issues  (though she hasn't given me a  hard time on names...she knows them and is really supportive for once).   With her I generally make my point and make it clear I'm not changing my mind and then refuse to argue about it or discuss it further, just calmly saying something like "thank you for your input, but we've made our final decision on this."   Then I change the subject or walk away depending on the situation.

Hugs mama! It's hard when you don't want to damage the relationship but you need the other person to respect your decision.

[gozal]

Ooh, "thank you for your input, but we've made our final decision on this" - that is awesome! Totally stealing that! Thanks OakTree.

[micromama]

I like the idea of saying, "Appreciate your input but we're decided on this" and then changing the subject if she keeps persisting. It is so annoying when family members do this. No matter what your mom's opinion is, it's not her decision and frankly, people need to keep their opinions to themselves if they don't agree with the choice. It's going to be her grandson, so she best deal with it now :)

[JoyofBirth]

My mom is giving me a hard time about our name choice too. She keeps suggesting different names. She has even said she's going to call the baby something else. Mostly she says she's going to call her baby. I told I don't really care what she calls her. We not completely solid on our name choice so that makes it a little harder. I tell her I appreciate her input but we're going to make the final decision. And really I feel like the baby is going to make a final decision. They all seem to have just one name that is theirs. And I think we already have it, but I'm a little uncertain. I listen to her input and consider her names and then give my honest opinion, but she knows in the end I'm going to do what I want. She didn't like the names my SIL chose for my nephew and niece (nobody really did), but she's adjusted. It seems we all come with silly nicknames for the kids at some point anyway and they often have little or nothing to do with their names so I don't think it matters if she calls the baby something else.

[songtothemoon]

My sympathies! My SIL and BIL told my Mother in Law their name choice for their little girl and went through something similar.
For other mamas and papas to be, perhaps take the advice DH and I were given: Tell no one!

We took it one step further by giving our girl/boy twins (due end of Oct) ringer names:

Ebeneezer and Wilhemina. ( no offense to anyone who likes these names or has used them :-) )

This way, it's easy to make light of the whole naming affair.

[onyxravnos]

awww that's hard. I understand almost no one likes the name we picked for this baby and grandma esp dislike it. I just ignore it. I like it, DH likes it. We've agreed and it's done. 

If your mom doesn't dig it that's her problem and she can come up with a cute nickname for the babe on her own.

[dannic]

Hi.  I'm not nec. new, but havne't really been frequent here, so may be chiming in late...

We learned the hard way to just keep our name choices to ourselves now.  We got a lot of flack with our first child's name, which was neither hard to say, spell, or super uncommon.  After him, we just chose to not tell our name until baby is born.  Once it is set in stone, people may discuss it behind our backs, but they rarely say anything to our face.  My MIL has a super hard time knowing  we already know the name but aren't telling and I just gently remind her why, lol...

Wer're on our fifth baby and have our name and even call him by his name to ourselves, but still don't tell.

Also, we have sort of a naming ceremony where our family either join us in person or via phone.  We announce the name publicly and no one says anything on wither side, when the laws and inlaw, lol, are all there.

[tijana87]

Thank you to all you beautiful ladies for all the awesome advice.

I think she's sort of letting it go (slowly). I forget who but somebody else on a forum gave me really good advice that I used..

They suggested that next time she mentions it, I ask her "Has anyone tried forcing you into naming your children?" And if she said Yes, to say "Wasn't fun, was it?"

If she said "No", to reply with a "You have no idea how lucky you were.."

Well I know that my mom picked both me and my sister's names so when she replied with a "No", I told her exactly that:

"Wow, you have no idea how lucky you were because you're making me feel like crap every time you start this discussion."

After this, she sort of stopped being so harsh about it. And honestly, I try not to go over her house as much - I just don't want to risk hearing it.

She did say that her co-worker's godson was named this (they live out of state) and she was getting tired of hearing about him from her.. So I told her that soon she'll be able to use that name in a conversation and "annoy" other people about how great her grandson is.. if she wants to, of course.

Let's just hope the baby comes out healthy and happy - a name really isn't what makes a person, it's the person that makes the name.

[ladyleah]

So sorry this is happening to you! Boo!
We decided to tell no one last time, and again this time as far as the name game goes. I was (and am not) in the mood to hear anyone's opinion. It's our family, it's our choice. Done. Sorry of I sound like a bi!ch, but that's just he way it goes.
Our toddler wants to name his baby brother "baby". So that makes that easy.
And when he was born our email announcement said "welcome Stuart Fangboner" lolol. This was the sham name my sister gave him.....(again, no offence to anyone naming their lo, Stuart...but I bet no one has the middle name Fangboner! Ha!).
I need to think of another good one to announce for this little babe...
Stay strong and hang in there. It's your child, it's your choice...and they have the right to hate your choice.....but you can leave the opinions behind, far far behind!