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hello reality!

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

So I just found out that my ex is moving back to my town from Japan. We've been separated since April 2008 and he has seen dd a handful of times since then and has had very little direct contact with her. Up until today I had been told he would be in Japan til 2015 and through a very short email only sent to me today in reply to my request that he sign dds passport app (which of course he refused) he informed me that he will be in town on Friday. He has been verbally abusive in most of our contact over the past few years and last year he got the lucky chance to team up with a UAV of a mediator and spent an hour tearing me apart to the point of uncontrollable sobbing during a "mediation" session that he forced us into because he refused to negotiate visitation with me and would only accept his terms. I'm kinda in shock right now, I was living in this pretty blissful world going to school, being a mom and being surrounded by family and friends living live as I saw fit, all I can hope is that he procrastinates on submitting paperwork and doesn't hire a lawyer. Can anyone give me any advice on this? I believe he's going to be requesting 50/50 and he is leaving the military on early discharge to help his brother (who happens to be a very visible local business owner) who was recently diagnosed with cancer. I have kept somewhat of a log documenting his lack of contact but I really fear the court will grant his requests. I don't know what I was expecting and of course this is what it is but damn could I use a hug.  

post #2 of 4

The mediator let him treat you that way??? You need to document his abuse. He sounds sociopathic. Honestly I hope you don;t have an issue. Your ex sounds like my dad. He was all about making my moms life hell. Court, custody blah blah blah. But he was just doing it to hurt her. He never actually used any visitation he was granted or paid any child support. He just wanted to yell at her infront of people and call her  a  bad mom. He saw me maybe 10 times my whole life. All initiated by my mother. Hopefully hes just full of hot air and doesn;t disturb your life more that his crappy attitude at mediations. I am sorry you have to go through this. But just document everything.

 

Why the ef wouldn't he sign her passport???

post #3 of 4
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLQ1011 View Post

The mediator let him treat you that way??? You need to document his abuse. He sounds sociopathic. Honestly I hope you don;t have an issue. Your ex sounds like my dad. He was all about making my moms life hell. Court, custody blah blah blah. But he was just doing it to hurt her. He never actually used any visitation he was granted or paid any child support. He just wanted to yell at her infront of people and call her  a  bad mom. He saw me maybe 10 times my whole life. All initiated by my mother. Hopefully hes just full of hot air and doesn;t disturb your life more that his crappy attitude at mediations. I am sorry you have to go through this. But just document everything.

 

Why the ef wouldn't he sign her passport???

oooh my, the mediator was yelling at me telling me he was going to call the cops and I was sobbing trying to clarify what they had just threatened me with (recommend psych eval on me, suggest no contact with paternal grandparents until ex had seen dd, wrote a letter to the court) it was insane and I wrote it all down, sometimes I feel like he's sociopathic with the catching me off guard with this move and sneaking previous visits. He's seen her maybe 30ish days out of the past 4 years and I'm pretty sure I can count the number of times he's called her on one hand. at this point I'm just trying to not cause to much disruption in dd's life, we don't agree on anything at all so shes going to see a lot of conflicting attitudes. What you say about your dad sounds exactly like my ex, tis scary I hate court. 

 

He won't sign because he doesn't think I need to take her out of the country therefor limiting my options. 

 

hopefully my parents will help me rehire my lawyer, eek I gotta sleep! 

post #4 of 4

Was the mediator appointed through the court?  If so, file a complaint about the mediator.  Enough complaints, especially if they are for the same reasons, and that mediator is done.

 

And if you should find yourself in that position again, when they threaten to call the cops, call their bluff.  Pull out your cell phone and call them.  What that mediator did was abusive. 

 

As for your ex's wish for 50/50 physical.  He may or may not get it depending on your state, you need to find out what courts typically order when it comes to custody, a consult with an attorney should give you an idea.  But even if he gets, you can ask that it be a step up plan given that he hasn't been involved due to his living so far away and the child barely knows him as a result of the father not living close to the child. 

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