my husband has a teaching job and has been home all summer. after about 10 weeks of him being around all day i feel excellent. i got a ton of school work done, always had an adult to talk to and someone to share taking care of our very spirited toddler and infant. but the weeks that the baby was here before he was off ( he also had to work in another part of the state all week) i was scary depressed. now he has to return and we hope in a month we'll finally be able to live in one house all week again. but until then I'm all alone all week- except when my mom comes over sometimes.
i had no idea i would be so angry, depressed, tearful, unhappy. i thought it would be a challenge but i honestly have zero desire to parent my toddler. my baby is so sweet and easy but from day one my 3 year old has been nothing but hard hard work. he went from a fussy screaming, not sleeping baby to a rambunctious moody toddler. i say over and over stay calm stay calm its not that bad but then everyday I'm crying and screaming at him. the worst thing is i resent having children, i want to just walk away. and i hate myself for my resentment every single day. both children were surprises and being a mom was never a dream of mine anyway.
i am going to see my therapist tomorrow and hopefully find help. i also got my tubes tied AND got my husband tied too but i'm still terrified of getting pregnant and push him away because sex seems like the scariest thing in the world right now.
ok thats my vent
anyone else in this boat?