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Mothering › Groups ›  April 2012 DDC › Discussions › not doing well

not doing well

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 

my husband has a teaching job and has been home all summer. after about 10 weeks of him being around all day i feel excellent. i got a ton of school work done, always had an adult to talk to and someone to share taking care of our very spirited toddler and infant. but the weeks that the baby was here before he was off ( he also had to work in another part of the state all week) i was scary depressed. now he has to return and we hope in a month we'll finally be able to live in one house all week again. but until then I'm all alone all week- except when my mom comes over sometimes.

 i had no idea i would be so angry, depressed, tearful, unhappy. i thought it would be a challenge but i honestly have zero desire to parent my toddler. my baby is so sweet and easy but from day one my 3 year old has been nothing but hard hard work. he went from a fussy screaming, not sleeping baby to a rambunctious moody toddler. i say over and over stay calm stay calm its not that bad but then everyday I'm crying and screaming at him. the worst thing is i resent having children, i want to just walk away. and i hate myself for my resentment every single day. both children were surprises and being a mom was never a dream of mine anyway.

 i am going to see my therapist tomorrow and hopefully find help. i also got my tubes tied AND got my husband tied too but i'm still terrified of getting pregnant and push him away because sex seems like the scariest thing in the world right now.

 

ok thats my vent

 

anyone else in this boat?gloomy.gif

post #2 of 14

hug.gif

 

I am not in the same boat, but hug.gif to you ... Having two little ones can be so hard. I am sure someone on here can relate better than I can, but I wanted you to know that your post has been read and that you are in my thoughts ....

 

Hang in there, mama!

post #3 of 14

Hey mama. I just wanted to let you know that I too have read your post, and I wanted to let you know how sorry I am that you are dealing with such a difficult time.  I'm glad to see you are seeking help.  I hope your counselor has some constructive ideas to help you cope.  in the meantime feel free to post on mothering to get some extra support.  I'll be thinking of you...

post #4 of 14
Lots of hugs to you! What a tough transition to be facing--I'd be terrified, too. Can you talk to your mom about her coming over on a schedule instead of just whenever? It'd only be for a month and maybe it would help to know that every other day (or whenever) you'll get a break and some help. Something to look forward to and mark the time instead of having to face the whole month in one go, you know? Good luck and calm vibes headed your way!
post #5 of 14
Thread Starter 

thank you for all the replies.

i did see my therapist but there wasnt a clear "ahha moment". just stuff i already knew. she said i can try meds but that stuff scares the crap out of me. i will try structuring our day more, using some daycare, and spend more time to myself. not sure what else to do.

post #6 of 14

I can sort of relate, there have been moments when I resented having to deal with my kids, mostly when Hubs is out of town working. There were times I had trouble dealing with my oldest, 3 is a tough age and we also had a new baby in the mix and I just had no parenting tools and I thought she was bigger than she was, that she should be able to do or understand more. Now looking back, she was so very little and I did expect too much from her.

 

One of the things I find super helpful is to release expectations on all of us when we are feeling like that and do something fun. Forget the mess, the challenging behavior, the loneliness, the anger and delve whole heartedly and whole mindedly into doing something. Gnosis is living only in the moment, and doing that can change the way a day is going. It is and isn't a long term solution. There need to be other ways to deal with your feelings, the fact that you are getting counseling is awesome. I'll try to think of some other ways to deal with the solution. Oh, take a moment to relish in the good things, sometimes reminding yourself is helpful. when your kids being a brat think of when he was sweet, when your situation with hubs sucks because he's gone think of those who have Hubs gone even more, that is completely not saying what you are going through is hard, it was just something I have found helpful.

 

(sorry if this is very fragmented, I wrote while dealing with my kids who were being quite the handful and I lost my train of thought a million times. You aren't alone, this parenting thing can sure be hard.)

post #7 of 14

I'm not struggling as badly as you are, but I absolutely hear you about not wanting to parent your toddler. I've been just done with my 3 year old off and on since Tavian was born and it sucks. I find that if my 3 year old gets enough to eat, has some time to rest in the day (we watch a movie since she doesn't nap anymore) and gets out often enough she's pretty manageable. I have to get out all the time or i'd go crazy. 

post #8 of 14

another thing to keep in mind is that older siblings generally start having a hard time adjusting to the baby around 3 months.

post #9 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday Girl View Post

another thing to keep in mind is that older siblings generally start having a hard time adjusting to the baby around 3 months.

This I totally agree with.  It's like they get bored with all the cute and fluffy newness of a baby, and are ready for the baby to "play."  And then they wonder why mama gets mad when they've tried to pick her up from the couch and drop her straight to the floor. shake.gif

post #10 of 14

i dropped my little brother on the floor when he was about three months old and he seems to be fine (he's 25 now) but my mom STILL brings it up.

post #11 of 14
Thread Starter 

good news- we found a rental 5 minutes from my hubby's work that we can all live in! its only been 1 week but having him home everyday in my own space has made me feeling SOOOOOOO much better!

post #12 of 14

Laura, so glad to hear that. Living together does amazing things.

post #13 of 14

hug2.gif I can relate, even though my situation is different. I'm entirely alone with Lennon. Her "dad" is a drug-addict who in the very beginning was interested in at least seeing Lennon, until a new drug-addict girlfriend came into the picture and now he has COMPLETELY abandoned her and I. So, not only do I do EVERYTHING completely alone, but I bear the entire financial burden as well with no hope of child support, because he only works under the table. I have been going through so many ranges of emotions in the last few months that I didn't expect to have (I kind of knew I'd be in this alone from the get-go) ANGER, sadness, grief...I'm all over the place. So, I understand feeling alone and having strong emotions. When my oldest two kids were little, my husband was (and still is) in the military and I was alone with them. He helped financially, but wasn't "present" very much...so I get it. Even though all situations are a little different.

post #14 of 14

Laura- I am so glad to hear things are getting better. What a huge difference to be able to see your DH every day.  I hope this starts things in a  happier direction for you, I am so sorry things have been so overwhelming and hard. Many hugs.

 

saudade- all of that just sounds hard. I would have quite a range of emotions.  I firmly believe that single mamas have the hardest jobs in the world.  I am in awe of all that you do and many hugs sent over the internet for when you might be feeling spread thin and need support.

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