Originally Posted by MeepyCat
It seriously sounds to me like your DD is all but screaming for boundaries. Like maybe she's even ramping up her misbehavior in search of a response. You need to set some limits - kind, reasonable, FIRM ones - for everyone's sanity.Yes, exactly!
That means, when you say "don't do that" and she does it anyway, there has to be a consequence. I hate time outs, because enforcement is just a pain, it may be only a few minutes, but it's a few minutes of me standing over the kid like a prison guard, barking that s/he has to stay on the couch and stay seated and NO JUMPING. It's much easier for me to take something away (particularly something that has been inappropriately used or fought over), and put it out of reach for a while, but that's really hard when it's stuff like jumping on the furniture.So we actually thought it was a lack of activity issue(as suggested by our Ped)but she still did the same thing even after being enrolled into gymnastics. We tried the Gymnastics for two years, then she started throwing fits because it became "work" & she wasnt having any fun(although she was really good). So now we are thinking Jr Cheer Squad this year.
But I'll send a kid to her boring room, or tell her that if she insists on risking injury to herself and the furniture, she's going to have to come hang out where I am so that I can keep her adequately supervised and make sure she doesn't get hurt. I'll sling a kid over my shoulder and march her out of the room, and then dump her butt on a kitchen chair and tell her that she has to stay in here, and she can help with dishes, or sit at the table, but those are the options. That kind of jumping on the furniture tells me we need to get outside as soon as possible.
So, The only problem I have always had with Time Outs, is that I either have to hold the door closed so she doesnt run rampant screaming like a banshee, or im placing her back in her time out spot(where ever that may be at the moment)30+ times. I usually lose count and give up after about try #35 of picking her back up and carrying her back to time out...(Nanny 911 style)
I have no magic formula for keeping a kid in bed. I have decided that, in my house, if a child is in his or her room, and there are no alarming noises, that kid is as good as sleeping. I will get REALLY unsympathetic to a kid who wants to play whack-a-mole with bedtime. "It's bedtime. Go back to bed." "We tucked you in twice already. We're not doing that again." "We have a big day tomorrow. We all need rest." "I don't care if you're sorry, I care if you're in bed."
We actually cant get her to sleep in the same specific spot. So she decides each night where she wants to sleep, the problem is getting her to settle down. She feels like she is "missing out" on something cool by going to bed so she wants to "party" every night and goes super strong until she drops exausted at about midnight.
Make it clear that YOU are the person who decides who gets to touch you. "I know I'm your mom! He's my husband! I want to cuddle him!" Think of it as groundwork for the important lesson about how SHE decides who gets to touch her.
There are worse things then locking a seven year-old out of your bedroom. It's totally okay to do that. Well, the more recent issue these last few weeks is that she can now figure out how to pick the lock....
And on spanking - I've cracked and spanked my kids, and it didn't help and I felt awful, and I didn't do it again. For me, getting to that point was a sign that I had to be firmer about my needs and limits. We're all touchier, and more likely to do things we'll regret, when we're overwhelmed. Your daughter is being genuinely overwhelming. Figure out limits that work for you, and then enforce the heck out of them, and when she complains (because she will) remind yourself that she may hate it, but that doesn't mean it isn't good for her, and eventually, she will realize that on her own.
When she ignores me after I tell her no, she goes about her business. So when she brings in kids I push them back outside,She never has sleep overs which is unfortunate. When I ask her to clean her toys up her response is that she cant, her arms are tired, or she doesnt know where they go. We are now at a point that we are having her go through her room and pick toys to give to other children because she hasnt cleaned them up or used them.
To me & DH it just feels like and endless circle....Groundhog day every day
She has had this behavior for close to three years now.
I think we actually might have to get her involved in more activites in order to stimulate her. It almost seems like she isnt stimulated enough.
Im also thinking this has a lot to do with me working. So Im also trying to change jobs(without sacrificing too much financially)so that I have a lot more time to get DD involved in activites. I want to make sure if we get her into things I have the availability to be able to get her to events for what ever she is doing.
Thanks so much for your wonderful advice. Its really helpful!