Why not spanking ? - Page 5

[lovebeingamomma]

Originally Posted by mleawicks 

so different people have different ways and opinions. We who spank are not abusive. yes there are those who are. just as there are those who don't spank are too abusive in not teaching child  rules. so we have different people with different parenting styles. and the world goes round and round and round........

I agree with you. 

[IdentityCrisisMama]

What we can all agree upon is that the goal is to not spank. Even if one is willing to keep that tool in their arsenal, it is still something parents turn to after other solutions have failed. This is where GD is valuable to all parents. I imagine that hitting your child is a very stressful choice in discipline and if a parent is claiming to not be abusing their child it MUST be a last resort. I think that GD applied by a thoughtful, careful, skillful parent means that one ever needs to spank -- even if that parent chooses to keep it as an option. 

[laheathyliving]

Spanking is good! We are not talking about beating our children up; spanking is not beating. I grew up in Russia where parents spank their children. I was spanked, and God knows, I needed it. The Bible tells us, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

www.lahealthyliving.com

[CatsCradle]

[BaileyB]

Originally Posted by mleawicks 

so different people have different ways and opinions. We who spank are not abusive. yes there are those who are. just as there are those who don't spank are too abusive in not teaching child  rules. so we have different people with different parenting styles. and the world goes round and round and round........

I believe this, too. I have seen some posts stating that they respect their child(ren) too much to spank them but I respect my child too much to not make sure that she knows that things have consequences and that some things are not safe. We are rural and homestead and farm and unschool and if I didn't make sure she understood that when I say not to go play with a certain piece of equipment or play in a certain area or not to eat or drink something that it is not a joke. These aren't just rules because it is my house, it is for her safety. Children need to have lots of time to explore without mom holding their hand and they need to do it safely. I also think that a consequence that is given for the reason of teaching, that is given out by a fair and loving parent is going to be way better than what life is going to give them for consequences. I am not just talking about a consequence as just spanking, but I do use that as a last resort. In my experience when spanking is used only as a last resort, as the child grows there will be less and less spanking because they are going to listen to what you say first and it won't go any further than that. 

I agree with whoever it was that said that not disciplining is also abuse, as well.

[MichelleZB]

I am shocked by the last few posts. No child, or person, "needs" physical violence. Period.

[thegoodearth]

Originally Posted by MichelleZB 

I am shocked by the last few posts. No child, or person, "needs" physical violence. Period.

Well said. I too am shocked by the last few posts. Is this Mothering or the Twilight Zone? 

[Adaline'sMama]

Really, BaileyB, you "like" the comment posted above about how "spanking is good!" "Spare the rod, hate your son?" Really?

Lahealthyliving- There arent enough eyerolls in the world for me to give a post that quotes the bible on spanking. That line of logic has gotten children killed, and people use it to justify hitting their little babies. In fact, I do believe that Michael Pearl, writer of To Train Up a Child uses that very bible verse as a defense to his method of child training. I'm pretty sure it's the main  I'm not really sure what your blog has to do with this conversation.

[lovebeingamomma]

I'm so sick of the comments about this being "Mothering"...therefore we must all be the exact same right???   Unbelievable.  That is not the purpose of Mothering.  Mothering holds to certain beliefs, that does not mean a mother who say, is looking for homebirth support, but spanks, can't be on mothering (well they can, but be ready to be rudely attacked!).  Nobody cares if you think spanking is abusive (that's called an opinion, not fact), and nobody cares if you think it's "shocking" that we who spank would (gasp!) dare to say so.  Every parent will do what they think is best for their own children.  Attacking every post you don't like serves no purpose.  We get it, you don't respect the discipline of spanking...you don't need to say it OVER AND OVER AGAIN every time there's a post about mothers who choose to spank!

So to the Russian girl I say, thank you for your input and welcome to Mothering!  

Edited by lovebeingamomma - 8/9/12 at 11:09am

[meemee]

bailey your siggie says your dd is 1.5 years old. is that up to date or is it an old siggie? 

shouldnt teenagers be spanked too coz they are worse than toddlers and dont listen?

[Adaline'sMama]

No one said anything about people who spank not being on this website, but the terms of use specifically state that Mothering does not host discussions on the merit of spanking. There are TONS of places on the internet where parents can go to get support for that type of discipline and not too many places for those of us who practice GD to go. No one is stating that everyone must be the same, this is the gentle discipline forum after all. We all have different methods of parenting, but this particular subforum is specifically designed for people who strive towards not using physical force. So it's not an issue of saying people who spank cant be on mothering, but in this particular space people don't want to hear about how using phyiscal force on children is acceptable:

http://www.mothering.com/community/a/gentle-discipline-forum-guidelines

I dont think anyone is mad at the OP, the OP was just asking opinions. But several other posters who have posted comments about there being a time and a place for spanking, and spanking is good, etc, are making inappropriate comments. The OP asked why people were against spanking, not why people were for it. 

[MichelleZB]

Originally Posted by lovebeingamomma 

I'm so sick of the comments about this being "Mothering"...therefore we must all be the exact same right???   Unbelievable.  That is not the purpose of Mothering.  Mothering holds to certain beliefs, that does not mean a mother who say, is looking for homebirth support, but spanks, can't be on mothering.  So rude and disrespectful to assume otherwise.  Nobody cares if you think spanking is abusive, and nobody cares if you think it's "shocking" that we who spank would (gasp!) dare to say so.  Every parent will do what they think is best for their own children.   

I hope that they do, but even if every parent does what they think is best, it doesn't mean they aren't wrong. I must take a moral stance against spanking, or any violence towards other humans.

We don't need to think all the same on this forum. For instances, Mothering takes a neutral stance on vaccines and there are parents who don't vaccinate, who selectively vaccinate, and who vaccinate on schedule here, and lots of (hot!) discussions.

But Mothering does NOT take a neutral stance on spanking. It says it very specifically in the Forum Guidelines, which you can read yourself: "This forum has a specific aim: to help parents learn and apply gentle discipline methods in raising their children... Please appreciate that this forum is not a place to uphold or advocate violence against children. Things that constitute violence toward a child are things like hitting, spanking, humiliating, shaming, screaming, prolonged isolation, basically things that are intended to cause physical or emotional pain."

[lovebeingamomma]

Well than Mothering should shut down this thread, because obviously those who spank are sharing their opinions.  If that's not "allowed", then take it down.  And you can take a moral stance on the issue with your OWN post, without attacking other people's.

And I had no idea this was the gentle discipline forum, this thread shows up on the home page so I just clicked on it.  It's not hard to see that a thread like this would easily become a debate thread.  

[MichelleZB]

Originally Posted by lovebeingamomma 
 And you can take a moral stance on the issue with your OWN post, without attacking other people's.

No I can't. That's not what a moral stance is. A moral stance means I think spanking is wrong--mine or anyone else's.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by lovebeingamomma 

I'm so sick of the comments about this being "Mothering"...therefore we must all be the exact same right???   Unbelievable.  That is not the purpose of Mothering.  Mothering holds to certain beliefs, that does not mean a mother who say, is looking for homebirth support, but spanks, can't be on mothering.  So rude and disrespectful to assume otherwise.  Nobody cares if you think spanking is abusive, and nobody cares if you think it's "shocking" that we who spank would (gasp!) dare to say so.  Every parent will do what they think is best for their own children.   

I don't think we always need to agree but spanking is one of the big things this sitehas always been against, it is the reason many people join. You.don't have to think it is abuse but it is against the UA to promote spanking and in that sense many of the recent comments are a violation of that agreement and don't belong on this board. There are many sites you can go to if you want people to support hitting kids as a valid parenting tool, this is the only one I have found that supports parents who hope to never hit their kids and are seeking support for their parenting style.

[lovebeingamomma]

Originally Posted by MichelleZB 

No I can't. That's not what a moral stance is. A moral stance means I think spanking is wrong--mine or anyone else's.

I'm talking about respect.  You can say the above bold in your own post without attacking anyone else.  Flag a post if you don't like it.  

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by lovebeingamomma 

I'm talking about respect.  You can say the above bold in your own post without attacking anyone else.  Flag a post if you don't like it.  

So, everyone is supposed to be allowed here and be respected here, but no one is allowed to share there opinion about what they morally object to. Got it.

[lovebeingamomma]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

So, everyone is supposed to be allowed here and be respected here, but no one is allowed to share there opinion about what they morally object to. Got it.

You really don't get what I'm saying.  It's really not that difficult to share your opinion and be respectful at the same time.

[AmandaT]

Originally Posted by lovebeingamomma 

You really don't get what I'm saying.  It's really not that difficult to share your opinion and be respectful at the same time.

It is when HUMAN RIGHTS are not being upheld for children. If I met someone in real life, did not like their behavior and spanked them because of it it would not be okay, it would be assault. I can't see why it matters if that person is a child or an adult. 

[Adaline'sMama]

I dont think saying that you think spanking is wrong is disrespectful to you. IMO, it's disrespectful to strike another human being for any reason whatsoever. In your opinion, it's disrespectful for me to say that I think it's wrong.

There is a whole list of stuff I think is wrong. Ill bet you have some things that you believe are wrong too. For example, if you made the statement : "I believe abortion is wrong". or "I believe premarital sex is wrong", or "IMO, RIC is wrong", or "I believe feeding your kids sugar all day is wrong" would you consider yourself to be attacking the people who have had abortions, engage in sex without being wed, circumcising their kids, or feeding their kids sugar all day long? (these are just examples, not saying you believe these things.) The point is, all of them are legal, and different people have different beliefs on them. Stating that you are morally opposed to any of these things is not disrespecting anyone.