Over the years dh has treated me.. not the way i would have liked and I am resentful and so i hurt him with words and it's a HUGE waste of my time and not who I want to be regardless of his inability to have feelings. I hurt him with words because he hurts me in the same way only in a passive aggressive way. the plan is to move out so I can become healthier but I have always had anger problems.
I am trying to get him to say something nice and it just escalates when I don't get what i want. He's never going to change and it's just a huge waste of my energy. it is draining me. yes, I do care. Yes, I WANT him to care but he just isn't that bright. He couldn't hold a conversation or say the right thing if it was life or death.. literally.
I just want to stop talking to him but we had a kid so that's not possible. I just want to let it all go.. I just hate him so much.
I don't want to be this person. I want to let it go.
What can I do when I feel the urge to say something mean to him instead? Instead of calling him stupid or incompetent what can I do to shut myself up because it's not going to make him change or become smarter or think gee I guess I'll go to college and win her heart lol... so I just want to get rid of the whole... negativity on my part at least.
it's just so hard because he lies about everything.. can't seem to hear when I'm talking just drools at the tv (literally.. he can't hear someone if there is a single distraction and even then he doesn't know how to speak. he literally has nothing going on up there and has told me so. He just happily blanks out and doesn't care. oh how I wish I was like that! But I think a million miles an hour!)
So until I can move out... how can *I* become a better person. Because regardless.. I need to learn to check my anger. I want to be wise and smart and gentle and know the right things to say and when and how and I talk way too negatively because that's just who I am and I would like to be anyone but me.
So.. any advice on how to shut the flip up? I just can't seem to stop myself.