How do I do this, again?

[incorrigible]

I'm hoping maybe you ladies will have some insights for me. I finally got what I wanted, but I don't know how it works. lol

I haven't been a SAHM for almost a decade. I fought to be as much of a WAHM as I could, at least... but when I could pull it off - that was the best I could do. After all that time as a single mom, I remarried. DH really doesn't care either way if I work, and has been totally in support of my being a SAHM for the kids, or a housewife, or a career woman, or whatever it is that I want to be. 

I'm TOTALLY LOST. I've completely lost the ability to make decisions based on anything other than the barest necessity. I loved being a SAHM when the kids were little. I was content and fulfilled. I was even thrilled by all the little housewifey things like making cool lunches for xh and sewing the kids' new clothes, and all the things that feel like some weird distant dream now. What I've really wanted all this time was to get back to that point. So, I slowly cleared my work life. I've been a freelance writer. I slowly finished up all my contracts over the last year. I didn't renew them or take on new ones. I passed my clients on to other people. I'm now 100% free of work obligations, and we are still living more comfortably than we ever did when I was single. 

So, what do I do with all that time, again? The kids get upset that I'm treating them like babies if I do the chores they're used to doing. We've always homeschooled, but the kids both chose to enroll in an online school this year...so I don't have any lesson plans or grading to do anymore. Most of their activities are within walking or biking distance, and not in need of parent volunteers. I have absolutely no sense of purpose, and it's driving me nuts. I know my family loves me, but it feels like they don't need me. I can't figure out my place. 

I don't really even know what I'm asking, but any kind of input or advice or food for thought is welcome.

[AdinaL]

I can see how the change would be tough.  Especially with older kids.

I currently WAH, and the idea of being able to be at home with my kid and not having to work is really appealing. LOL But, by the same token, I can see how it would be difficult to not *have* to do anything. 

I suppose the first thing is what do you want to do? You have time now, and the ability to stretch legs a bit.

I think I would probably treat the first little while as a "vacation". Perhaps even taking one. :)  And then I would start to figure out what my new work was.  I have found that the best thing for me is to have a schedule/rhythm.  I picked up a book called Steady Days, and while it was a bit too much "make your staying at home a job!!" it did have some good points.

Good luck!  Transitions like this are hard. 

[MrsGregory]

Perhaps now would be a good time to model an adult lifestyle to them?  Having enriching activities for yourself, volunteering, taking classes, hobbies...

 

[incorrigible]

Thanks guys. I guess I have to get past the nagging feeling that there's something more important that I *should* be doing all the time. I used to really enjoy working out at the gym, but could never find the time or money for it. I have both. It seems like a good time to get healthy again. Then, maybe I can take up some of the extreme sports and things I did before I had kids. hmmm....

[mkksmom]

I have a tough time getting used to a lack of structure too. I used to teach before I had my dd8, so every summer, I would finally find a groove, and it would be time to go back to school. I never really enjoyed my summer. Then when I became a SAHM, it took me a year to really get used to it. I was lucky in that I had my best friend who was in the same situation. She had her baby 6 weeks before me. We live far apart, but we talked on the phone a lot and it helped me adjust.

I think what i would do it sit down with a notebook and jot down anything at all you need to do or would like to do. I personally would go on an organizing spree, work out, try new recipes, spend way too much time on Pinterest. Then I'd start scheduling it in. Keeping it in writing might help you feel productive.

[incorrigible]

That's also a great idea, mkksmom. I think that will be a great tool for me!

It occurs to me this is like when public schoolers first start homeschooling. You have to let older kids deschool for several months to a year before they can transition to the new lifestyle.