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August 2012 Infertility One Thread -- Bring on Those Late Summer BFPs! - Page 8

post #141 of 175
FML. My beta is tomorrow, but despite Clomid and crinone, my period showed up today. Awesome.
post #142 of 175

SKJ - my endo symptoms are super painful periods (I get them about once every 3-4 months... no matter how much Advil and Tylenol I take it still hurts like crazy), stabbing pain during urination, bowel movements and even when I have gas (only during AF), short LP, spotting, pain during sex. Sometimes they can see endo during an ultrasound if you have any on your ovaries, or if they find that your tubes are blocked during the HSG they might suspect endo. In my case the ultrasounds and HSG all looked good, they only diagnosed the endo during the laparoscopy. I'm really sorry to hear AF showed :(

 

toothfairy - I was supposed to take a dose of Puregon on Sunday (since I'm doing every other day) but I was so worried about having a cancelled cycle that I decided to skip it. Based on my ultrasound results this morning (see my AFM), I am very happy with my decision! Happy belated birthday! I hope 27 is the age you'll be when you get pregnant with your first child!

 

milk - Your betas sound great, I'm hoping you have a single fighter baby in there.

 

lilac - fingers crossed for a big reimbursement on your DH's paycheque!

 

AFM - so once again I got my panties all in a bunch for nothing! I haven't taken any Puregon since Friday, so the result was that there wasn't enough FSH for all 7 of my follicles. What happened is that 2 kept growing (very slowly though, only 2mm each), one stayed at the same size (12mm), and the other 4 shrivelled up (they were all under 10mm). So it looks like I will have 2 perfect mature follicles for my IUI, which is what we've been aiming for all along but we've never actually succeeded before this cycle (previously I've had either only 1 follicle or so many I had to cancel the cycle). Since my biggest follicle was only at 17mm today (2nd one was 15mm), I am going to take one more dose of Puregon tonight just to give those 2 follicles a bit of a boost, then I'm triggering tomorrow and having the IUI on Thursday. All's well that ends well!!!!

 

My acupuncturist wanted to see me again the day before my IUI (to make my uterus more receptive he says) so I guess I'll have to move my appointment since I was expecting to have the IUI on Wednesday.

post #143 of 175
Sourire - Yay!!! I so hope this is your month! Maybe your acupuncturist did just the right amount of stim?

AFM - I call the nurse and she said to continue the crinone and come in for my beta tomorrow unless AF shows up in full force. I did that and I'm having nasty brown sludge mixed with red blood. I took an HPT and it was of course negative. I don't know what to think. I had a fine response to clomid, but my LP is still jacked up despite being on crinone. I just feel like I'm going backwards and my body is totally dysfunctional. I keep blaming myself for all these failures...
post #144 of 175
Thread Starter 

SKJ - sorry about AF showing up.

 

Sourire - I'm glad things are looking good for your IUI

 

Milk - I'm so glad things are going well.

 

Cait - updated your blurb. I hope you had a nice birthday!

 

 

AFM - I've been having a hard time lately. AF is still hanging around two weeks later. Not in full force, but a weird more-than-spotting kind of thing and I'm having "pregnancy symptoms" like crazy. It's awful and like a big slap in the face. I hate having all these symptoms when I'm not pregnant and am still bleeding. I have never been one to get bloaty during periods, but holy wow this cycle is killing me. I hope this long AF thing doesn't make this cycle go on forever. We will be going ahead with IVF for the next one regardless of what our MRI issues are (still haven't even gotten an appointment date..I guess I'm back to playing phone tag tomorrow, so I'm annoyed we didn't just go ahead this month. I think I'd be feeling a lot better right now if we had). I'm a bad point though. Talking about or looking at pictures of other peoples' babies just makes me angry and hurt. The only kids I can even stand having conversations about are those I'm really close with. I'm sort of feeling like I will never be a mother. Over the past two weeks I have been so depressed I can't stand it. This is not a good place to be and I'm not sure how to get out of it. I don't know if starting IVF protocol will help, but at least we will be moving forward.

post #145 of 175
Quote:
Originally Posted by SKJ2011 View Post

FML. My beta is tomorrow, but despite Clomid and crinone, my period showed up today. Awesome.

Sorry. hug2.gif

post #146 of 175

Oh crap - SKJ!  Cuss.gif  Don't blame yourself, really.  I've BTDT many times.  It doesn't help.  hug2.gif

 

Sourire!  Rock on follies!  

 

SSBblowkiss.gifflowersforyou.gif  So sorry about the crappy cycle, lousy AF and dodgy headspace.  I can relate to it all so well.  

I'm glad you have decided to go ahead next month regardless.  I think that's a good choice.  It's hard not to look back and judge decisions with 20/20 hindsight vision.  

Now, and for several years, I have felt like I will never be a mother.  I still feel like that everyday - I'm not sure it will ever go away.  Talking about babies and pregnancies and other stuff still cuts me to the bone.  I have good days and bad days, like anyone.  I am absolutely dreading the birthday party next weekend because of the numerous pregnant women that will be there.  I would usually deal with the anxiety by drinking.  Not healthy, I know, but it certainly takes the edge off.  

 

I'm wondering if you're feeling this way because your cycle is wack, and your hormones are a bit off.  I'm not brushing you off, just wondering if that is exacerbating things somewhat?  During the midst of my big depressive meltdown after my third loss, I read a quote that says: "you can't go round it, you have to go through it".  It can be difficult to distinguish the fine line between depression and grief, and sometimes there's nothing you can do, except survive it.  

post #147 of 175

skj, sorry to hear that AF appears to be showing up.

 

sourire, sounds like good things are happening on the IUI route you are taking.  Hope all goes well the next couple of days.

 

AFM, well, direct deposit of DH's paycheck shows now reimbursement, but DH had talked to the money person on Friday and she had said something about cutting a separate check for the reimbursement, so I guess I have to wait impatiently for DH to come back after work.  I wish money wasn't the deciding factor in getting pregnant.

post #148 of 175
SSB - I can totally relate right now. I wish things weren't so difficult. Sometimes, it's just really hard to keep pushing ahead. But, I think Milk is right. You need to feel these things in order to get to the other side of them. Big hugs to you friend. I hope this cycle gets its act together and you can get the MRI and have the IVF to look forward to.

Lilac - the money side of all this really does suck. It's so unfair.

AFM - Thanks ladies. It helps to have people that know how shitty it feels. AF arrived last night. I canceled the beta and have my baselines tomorrow. Then, we'll see what the RE has to say. I want to just keep moving forward. As for the endo, it seems like my clinic's policy is to not treat it with surgery. I guess there is some disagreement about whether or not surgery helps with pregnancy rates. So, we'll see what tomorrow brings as far as that goes. I'm going to schedule a massage for tonight smile.gif
post #149 of 175

SKJ_ If you don't mind another quote (though I don't know who said it), a friend of mine said she was reading a Buddhist nun's work and a lot of what she wrote was- You have emotions. Acknowledge them. Allow them. (you get the idea).

post #150 of 175

Ugh, no reimbursement today.  Now to wait another 2 weeks and hope it happens then.  Now maybe an IVF in October or November.  This money thing does suck and the unknown is even worse.

post #151 of 175

Hey everyone! Coming out hiatus to say hi and catch up with current events here. We took a two month hiatus from most things conception related except for strictly pleasure loving. BOY! Did we need that reset. No calendars to watch, no meds to take, no GET TO THE ROOM I GOT A SMILEY FACE! or CALL THE IUI line, I got a smiley face. We did, however, move forward with our IVF eval and while the saline US was no walk in the park, the trial transfer was fine. I got my protocol lineup: 2 weeks of suppression ( desogen ), Lupron (40mcg), Follistim (450iu), Menopur (150iu) HCG trigger and then progesterone in sesame oil (50mg/cc). We will probably move forward in late October with the first (hopefully only) cycle. So there we are. Other than that, we took our baby-making free time to enjoy and explore our first summer in our new town.

post #152 of 175

Sourire: That is pretty exciting, 2 perfect follies! I'll be lurking creepily during these next couple of weeks!

 

Cait, Sila, all my other lovelies, if you're lurking, I'm thinking of you! grouphug.gif

post #153 of 175
Thread Starter 

Really bad night tonight. I finally deleted facebook though!


Edited by shesaidboom - 8/29/12 at 8:21pm
post #154 of 175

Hugs SSB.

post #155 of 175
Skj - you definitely shouldn't blame yourself for a failed cycle or for your cycle being wonky. We all just won the infertility lottery and it sucks but we will still get a baby in the end. It will take us longer than everyone else but we will be stronger for it. My doctor said the same thing about laparoscopies not really increasing success rates but I insisted so that's how I got mine.

shesaidboom - I'm really sorry things are so hard for you right now. I read what you wrote yesterday evening but didn't have time to respond. I wish I could give you a really big hug right now. I find that I get more easily frustrated or depressed in cycles when I'm not doing anything to work towards my goal of having a baby. Maybe that it part of why you're finding it so hard right now. I also agree with Milk that it sounds like your hormones might be a bit out of whack right now and that could be contributing to how you feel. What helps me is to spoil myself and distract myself. When I'm feeling really down I book myself a massage at my favorite spa. I also try to forget about TTC by doing something fun and time consuming. Right now I'm rereading my favorite fantasy book series (13 books that are like 1000 pages each) so that should keep my mind off things for a while! Watching a few seasons of a really good TV show is another good distraction. And last of all make sure you're getting plenty of rest, everything seems worse when you're tired. I know everything seems insurmountable right now, but just take things one day at a time and you will feel better eventually. What happened to that therapist you started seeing a while back? Did that end up working out? I'm sure a good therapist could help you get through this rough time. Hang in there.

Lilac - sorry you have to wait some more for that reimbursement. Waiting sucks!

nieve - it's great that you were able to recharge over the summer. I hope IVF works on your first try!

AFM - IUI is in a few hours! I'm super busy at work though... I have a huge deadline tomorrow and my boss is giving me a guilt trip for disappearing for a few hours to go get inseminated. So I'm going in super early this morning to try to make up for the time I will lose later. Bleh. Luckily I got to sleep early last night so I'm not too tired.
post #156 of 175
SSB - I'm so sorry you are down right now. I think Sourire had a lot of good wisdom. I agree that it can be really hard to be waiting for the next thing and not feeling like you are moving forward. I wish I could give you a huge hug. You will get through this.

Sourire - Your entire post made me feel all warm inside. It's so amazing to have other ladies to offer such amazing support in such a difficult time. Thank you blowkiss.gif I hope your IUI goes without a hitch and you report a BFP in a couple of weeks!!!

Nieve - Glad to hear you had a nice time "off". And, exciting to get started with IVF!

Lilac - Damn it! I was so hoping for you to be able to move forward. I so sorry you have more waiting.

AFM - I had a great appt with the RE yesterday. He answered all my questions including me asking, "Why am I not pregnant yet." His answer: "I don't know." It really helped hearing that from the doctor. It took a lot of pressure off of me. As for endo, he said that none of my u/s have showed it and my tubes are open. He said, I could very well have it, but it's not likely affecting my fertility. So, that made me feel like I can move on from that thought. I'm traveling during peak O time this month. So, we compromised and I'm doing 25mg of clomid. I'll do monitoring the day I leave and if things look to be ready, I'll trigger and IUI on the same day. Not ideal, but better than nothing. If I am close, but not ready, they will tell me which day to trigger while I'm traveling and we'll do TI. Otherwise, I'll just do more monitoring when I'm back. So, that sounded reasonable to me. The next month I'll take off to take a break from meds and b/c we are traveling. Then, I'll do injectibles. He kept saying, "If you need it. You may be pregnant before then." It was nice to hear that. So, I'm feeling more hopeful.
post #157 of 175

SKJ - I'm glad your appointment went so well! It sounds like your doctor really listened to your concerns, which isn't always the case with other doctors! I'm really impressed that he figured out a way to work around your travels so you wouldn't have to skip a month!

 

AFM - I'm kind of disappointed with my IUI. First of all, DH's sperm count & motility was way lower than usual. Also he apparently had abnormally high viscosity according to the report... I don't really know what that means but it's never happened before and apparently it's not a good thing. Anyways we still had 25 million motile sperm for the insemination which is not that bad but it's a bit disappointing because we're used to numbers in the 60-100 million range.

 

Then I got this doctor who had clearly never done an IUI at my clinic before cause he couldn't figure out how to turn on the little lamp they use to insert the speculum and didn't know that there was a bench for me to rest my feet on during the 10 minutes I'm supposed to lie there after the insemination - I had to explain to him how things were done which didn't really raise my confidence. He also spent an eternity fiddling with the catheter before he put it in and I'm kind of worried he didn't inseminate me properly because he seemed so confused!

 

On top of that, when I told him this was my 5th IUI, he started making comments about how I have to change my mindset if I want it to work this time, and as he was actually doing the insemination he was like ok I hope you're changing your thoughts right now! I found that kind of insulting, it's almost like he's saying it's my fault that it didn't work the 4 previous times. I guess it's just another way of saying "relax and you'll get pregnant"... the phrase we all hate so much! 

 

Anyways, the good news is I was starting to get my hopes up about this cycle due to the acupuncture and my perfect follicles but with everything that happened this morning I've lost hope again, so now I won't have to be disappointed when I get my BFN. I have an appointment with my RE in 2 weeks to talk about IVF... I will be counting the days!

post #158 of 175

Sourire - The bibliophile in me demands that I delurk to ask you what fantasy series you are reading. I'm a big fan (aka nerd) of fantasy series. Also, I hope the befuddled doctor got those swimmers into your ute just in time for a perfect fertilization. Good luck during the 2ww! 

 

Also, while I am here, Sila I hope you see a temp shift in the next couple of days! Fingers crossed.

 

Everyone else - Have a fabulous three-day weekend! (For those of us in the US.)

post #159 of 175
Quote:
Originally Posted by krunchyk View Post

Sourire - The bibliophile in me demands that I delurk to ask you what fantasy series you are reading. I'm a big fan (aka nerd) of fantasy series. Also, I hope the befuddled doctor got those swimmers into your ute just in time for a perfect fertilization. Good luck during the 2ww! 

  

Everyone else - Have a fabulous three-day weekend! (For those of us in the US.)

 

I'm definitely a fantasy nerd too, I have been since high school. Right now I'm re-reading the Wheel of Time series in anticipation of the final book coming out soon, but I read all the other major series too (Game of Thrones, Sword of Truth, etc).

 

It's a 3-day weekend for us in Canada too! Though I took next week off so I will be enjoying my 9 day weekend as soon as I can finish this big project at work (it's looking like I'll have to work this Saturday though).

post #160 of 175

SKJ- One thing. I don't want to make you feel less okay, but Endo often does not show up on ultrasounds. Mine did not and I had endometrial cysts all over my ovaries. However, with IVF it is less of an issue than trying naturally.

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