Mugglesmom I just wanted to encourage you. DS2 is just 15 months younger than DS1, so I had only 6 months between pregnancies.
At first I was resigned to having to try and find a way to go the OB/hospital route in an area that doesn't provide hospital VBACs. We even discussed DS1 and I living with my in-laws for the final few weeks and birthing at a somewhat more VBAC friendly hospital close by there. The in-laws even agreed to it (at first), but it would have meant being away from my only real support (DH) as he would have still had to work right until I went into labor. The whole time we were planning that I had no peace about it.
I finally broke down after a particularly stressful visit from MIL and told DH I couldn't do it. I couldn't just hand my birth over to an OB. So we agreed to try another homebirth IF we could find a midwife who would HBAC with us. As soon as we found our midwife I felt at peace about birthing this new baby. We had tried to homebirth DS1 and were transferred because my waters had been broken for over 24 hours. I thought I had done everything to prepare for DS1. One of my close friends who now lives in New Zealand recommended The Pink Kit for helping us prepare for our HBAC. The one thing that I learned from that that made a huge difference, was that I could learn to relax all the muscles around my pelvis. I was so relaxed in that area that I had only 20 minutes of pushing for a 9lb8oz baby that had his hand up at his face and his elbow in the way.
I also learned even more about nutrition second time around, including my midwife recommending vitamin C from 20 week onwards to strengthen the amniotic sac, which worked for me as my waters didn't break until the first spontaneous push.
I also never got to push the first time. I think that was the part I was most concerned about with the HBAC. By letting my body do what it needed and keeping my focus on staying relaxed around my pelvis, I found the pushing to be the easiest part of the whole process. Once the head was out I did try to push without a contraction and nothing happened, so I let my body continue to do the work to finish it.
Only YOU will know what the right decision is for you about birthing this new blessing. For me it was an HBAC because I felt peace the second we made that decision. You will know what the right decision is for you. You may need some extra time in making that decision, don't rush it. If a RCS is what you need, then that is what you should do. If you need to try for a HBAC then that is what you should do. Give yourself some time to get used to being pregnant again, and if that means keeping the news to yourselves for a bit then you do what you need to do.
Please know that you do still have options. You are not a failure. You are NOT broken. Only you know what is right for you, so listen to yourself, and talk it out as much as you need to.