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WTF is wrong with people?!?!???

post #1 of 30
Thread Starter 

angry.gif So i know this really belongs more in a general parenting forum but this is the only group i talk to and i just really needed to vent to someone!

 

This evening me and my aunt and uncle (who are visiting from out of town, they come about oncea  year) all went to subway to pick up some dinner with my Daughter Luna...she has been off the wall excited about seeing our family and was being silly and dancing around and laughing...being goofy.... when some lady came in and said Hello to her and then turned to me and said "how old is she??" which i took to be a normal conversation topic when addressing someone elses little one so i smiled and said "she will be Three on the 12th!" and the lady gave me this shocked REALLY??!???!??? look and without hesitiating at all said "WHEN I WAS THREE IIIIIIII COULD TALK!!!"...to which i replied..."she can talk...." and she said "UHHHH NO! I ASKED HER HOW OLD SHE IS AN SHE JUST GIGGLED AND STOOD THERE!!!"........."she's shy....."

 

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! who the hell says this to a complete stranger??!!!?!?!?? this really upset me because my little girl has been a little speech delayed, she tries to talk but its hard for her to pronounce things BUT she is very bright and through playing games with her she shows she has wonderful problem solving skills and memory and she is funny and clever... she has just really started to come out with sentences although they arnt very long and complex but she is saying more and more and can finally really communicate most of what she's trying to get across! i have spent more time worrying about this and working with her to get her where she is and feeling bad when its hard for me to understand things at first and this womens comment just really broke my heart and upset me..how can people just be that rude????

 

i wanted to say "REALLY!?!?!???!!! WHEN I WAS THREE I HAD MANNERS!!!!!!!!!! HUH I GUESS WE ALL DEVELOPE DIFFRENTLY!!!!!!!!!" but didnt feel like getting in a fist fight 8 months pregnant....sigh...

 

ok vent over

post #2 of 30

It truly amazes me what comes out of some people's mouths. Good for you for taking the high ground, I guess, but I would have killed to see the look on that woman's face if you'd replied with your line about manners. She totally, totally would have deserved it!

 

My DD is 3 too, has a great vocabulary, great sentence structure, iffy pronunciation. Sometimes she'll talk a strangers ear off, sometimes she won't say a thing. It's called being 3!!! Obviously you were dealing with someone with very little experience with children as well as with a shortage of manners and intelligence.

post #3 of 30
My three year old has advanced language skills (delayed in other areas, but that's not the point...) and would NEVER answer a stranger's question. He just wouldn't. That lady sounds like a nut. Only recently have I been experiencing stranger weirdness- why do people feel like its ok to say these things? So very odd to me!
post #4 of 30

My daughter had pronunciation problems for quite some time. My son would actually translate for us :). Despite that, my daughter was also shy and would never talk to a stranger like. It is so strange how complete strangers think it matters at all what they think about our children. I would have also loved to see the expression on her face if you'd used that line about manners! 

 

P.S. At 6 my daughter now talks clearly and constantly. LOL. 

post #5 of 30
yep, another mama of a 3 year old who wouldn't have answered her, either. I love it when people say things like "When I was 3 I blah blah blah" oh really, you remember that. suuuuuure.
post #6 of 30

That would tick me off too! I have a 4 almost 5 yo lil bro who didnt talk until he was 3... and a 2 1/2 lil bro who still doesnt say anything recognizable, he has blonde curly hair so we call him Harpo lol.gif My best friend growing up also was a late talker also... it's totally normal.... And usually that means the kid is super smart!!

 

I don't even like talking to complete strangers so does that mean i can't talk?? I am astounded at the BS that comes out of people's mouth... Good for you for taking taking the higher ground... although that was a great comeback! Sounds like maybe she should take a page out of DD's book and not say anything...

post #7 of 30

My 11 month old son has down syndrome. I know I will face many stupid people like this lady. He will probably have some speech and developmental delays. Im sick of people asking me if he is walking yet. He just learned how to really crawl (he had been army crawling the last few weeks) this past week. When I tell them no they look at me like Im nuts.

 

My current pregnancy rage is that I haven't had a SINGLE person just tell me congratulations when they see a pregnant lady WHEN Im with my son. All I get is "your going to have your hands full" and then they laugh. Next person that tells me that Im going to blurt back, "Your right, I should have aborted her when I had the chance because its GOING TO BE HARD." From what I understand, its always hard adding another member to your family, no matter what age the other one is. I know its going to be rough, I dont need to be reminded of it literally 5 times a day. At least I am mostly past the "BUT YOU DID GENETIC TESTING THIS TIME, RIGHT?!?!?!!?!?"

post #8 of 30

Oh my gosh, Alli. That is the most horrific display of ignorance I've ever heard! Some people appreciate the beautiful blessing of a child at ANY point and regardless of ANY complications. We opted out of genetic testing because it seemed so silly. What would we do if we found out our son had down syndrome? Kill him? I'm so sorry that we live in a world where anyone feels like that's a viable option. 

post #9 of 30

Ugh I hate the haters!  Which is counter productive I guess, but sheesh.  Haters gonna hate, and sometimes they're going to push buttons.  I'm really sorry that people can't just keep their thoughts to themselves.  I don't know of many 3 year-olds who will answer questions to complete strangers.

 

Yesterday my father called and said, "Aren't you going to give birth any day?  You're really big right now."  Doesn't he remember what my mom looked like right before she gave birth?  It took all my energy to say, "Well I might be really big, but at least I'm not a really big a-hole."  If you've been watching the latest season of Breaking Bad, Walter White is a LOT like my dad. 

post #10 of 30

Totally understand the "really big" stuff. I feel like no matter how big or small you carry, people always have to make the "looks like any day" or "my goodness, look how big you are" or "she must have had a growth spurt, you really popped in the last couple days." I had severe polyhydramnios with my last pregnancy and was measuring 37 cm at 28 weeks, so I know what big looks like. I am totally normal this time around and it just triggers fear each time some idiot (usually a family member or friend) comments on how HUGE I am. I actually had another ultrasound last week because I was so paranoid with all the comments that I had poly again, even though the chances of that happening are very rare due to the specific cause of the poly with my last pregnancy having to due with a medical complication my son had.

 

MotoMom- that is totally how we feel. I had a "feeling" with my first pregnancy with my son that something was different. We did the genetic testing, only because we were pushed SOOO hard (even though I was 28 with no family history of anything) at the HMO we belonged to, and figured a little extra knowledge wouldnt hurt other than to be prepared. I didnt find out for sure that he had DS until 32 weeks when I had my first of three amnio reductions. This time around it was even worse with hte doctors. I feel like because we already had "one" they assume we have defective genes and wouldn't want "another". Im sorry, I love my son to death and if every kid I ever had turned out as amazing as him and to have DS, it wouldnt stop me. Seriously. The kid is cool!

 

People are aholes. Im sure karma will come back and bite them in the butt. You get back what you put out.

post #11 of 30
Allie is almost 4 now and speaks two languaes fluently (for a 4 yo). She will not tell a complete stranger how old she is though. That was just rude of the lady to say.
post #12 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by activealli View Post

My 11 month old son has down syndrome.

My current pregnancy rage is that I haven't had a SINGLE person just tell me congratulations when they see a pregnant lady WHEN Im with my son. All I get is "your going to have your hands full" and then they laugh.

Just so you're aware, I got those same comments during my second pregnancy (boys are 16 months apart), and my oldest has fairly normal development. Yes, there are the ignorant people who don't understand how loved, loving, and important kids can be who are not like 90% of the population. However, I see that particular comment as being validating that people see raising small kids as a tough, valuable job, rather than a bon-bon and soap opera fest. There's just no excuse for anyone (friends or strangers) asking about genetic testing, but when you get a comment that can go either way, it will help your own well-being to give them the benefit of the doubt- that they are recognizing the challenges of mothering two small kids.
post #13 of 30

DD1 turns 6 this month.  She's highly verbal and was a very early talker.  She's also super social.  None the less, there's only about a 50% chance that she would have told a stranger her age.  She recently told a woman her own name and the baby on the way's name, but refused to utter DD2's name.  She'll even point at me and say "you tell" pretty often (even with people who aren't strangers).

 

DD2 turns 3 this month.  She's at least as verbal as her sister - spoke in full sentences by 16-18 months.  When strangers talk to her, she'll mumble "I'm shy" and hide her face shrug.gif

 

People say the stupidest things.  Mostly right now I'm sick of the "having that baby any day now" and "you must be so done" comments, as well as the absolute shock when I say I'm not due till mid Sept.  I'm only 33 weeks.  I've gained 18 lbs.  I'm measuring a bit small.  I'm getting around fine.  No, I am NOT ready for this baby to come yet.  I'd like her to wait until at least 37 weeks thanks...

post #14 of 30
Quote:

Originally Posted by activealli View Post

 

Im sorry, I love my son to death and if every kid I ever had turned out as amazing as him and to have DS, it wouldnt stop me. Seriously. The kid is cool!

 

 

I love what you say about your son! You are a terrific mommy! Ditto on the karma!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by activealli View Post

My 11 month old son has down syndrome. I know I will face many stupid people like this lady. He will probably have some speech and developmental delays. Im sick of people asking me if he is walking yet. He just learned how to really crawl (he had been army crawling the last few weeks) this past week. When I tell them no they look at me like Im nuts.

 

My current pregnancy rage is that I haven't had a SINGLE person just tell me congratulations when they see a pregnant lady WHEN Im with my son. All I get is "your going to have your hands full" and then they laugh. Next person that tells me that Im going to blurt back, "Your right, I should have aborted her when I had the chance because its GOING TO BE HARD." From what I understand, its always hard adding another member to your family, no matter what age the other one is. I know its going to be rough, I dont need to be reminded of it literally 5 times a day. At least I am mostly past the "BUT YOU DID GENETIC TESTING THIS TIME, RIGHT?!?!?!!?!?"

 

This is a little delayed but CONGRATULATIONS!!!!joy.gif Every baby should be something that people are excited about!


Oh, Alli I am so sorry... I am becoming more and more convinced that many people have had their brains removed. Maybe that's why they say BS that they probably know very little about... I have had similar encounters at the grocery store... mostly it's "Oh wow.." and it awkwardly trails off... jeez... And it's so dumb for people to point out how hard it is going to be... It does get tiresome, having to deal with that time and time again... eventually you just want to unload on the next person who says it

 

Help007 I can also see your side about people acknowledging how involved raising young children are (it is SOOOOO important!), but when stuff is said to me, its usually the tone that rubs me the wrong way and not always what they say... If a woman is sympathetic because she knows what I am going through from experience I am less inclined to be annoyed than someone who is just talking for reasons we will never know. Kind of like someone who has never been in labor talking about how hard it is and you should just take the drugs vs. some one who has been through labor talking about how hard it was and why she needed drugs....

post #15 of 30

Oh my goodness. I just can't help it in situations like that. mischievous.gif I have got to be evil lol. I would have said something outrageous like "Well we have taught her not to answer strangers because there for a while all she would say was cunt and you could imagine how embarrassing that was for us." I get it from my mother. She always has that quick wit that will make you really wish you had not said that awkwardly rude thing to her. 

post #16 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by hoping4just1more View Post

Oh my goodness. I just can't help it in situations like that. mischievous.gif I have got to be evil lol. I would have said something outrageous like "Well we have taught her not to answer strangers because there for a while all she would say was cunt and you could imagine how embarrassing that was for us." I get it from my mother. She always has that quick wit that will make you really wish you had not said that awkwardly rude thing to her. 


That is SOOO funny!

 

Idk why it is such a big freakin deal for kids not to talk to strangers... isn't that kind of what kids are supposed to do? Kids are totally allowed to be shy...

post #17 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by hoping4just1more View Post

Oh my goodness. I just can't help it in situations like that. mischievous.gif I have got to be evil lol. I would have said something outrageous like "Well we have taught her not to answer strangers because there for a while all she would say was cunt and you could imagine how embarrassing that was for us." I get it from my mother. She always has that quick wit that will make you really wish you had not said that awkwardly rude thing to her. 

ROTFLMAO.gifNearly peed myself. 

post #18 of 30
Thread Starter 

The way she said it to me is what REALLY got me, its like she had this weird tone like she was accusing me of something or as if i had just insulted her in some way and she was trying to make a snappy come back but out of NO WHERE...really weird....its just such a weird thing to even say...i work as a cashier and have a problem with gushing over peoples little ones (lol i know it can be annoying but i can help it i just love tiny people) and NEVER ONCE have i been like ohhhh that kid wont talk to me they must not be able to talk..... i usually assume im making them uncomfortable, or they are shy, or they just dont feel like it.....its a little kid...

post #19 of 30
Silver moon sorry about ignorant people. People just don't think before they speak. I have a pet peeve for people who are so judgmental and verbal about it. I agree on telling her that you taught her not to talk to strangers. Little kids are shy. I dontthink I talked to "strangers" until I was in middle school!

Thanks everyone for the supportive comments. I am very sensitive about this pregnancy both because of my sons diagnosis and the fact that it was unplanned and I feel like people are mocking me for having kids so close. But.... I am one of those people who is sensitive to other peoples comments / looks . My husband is always laughing at me because he says I "read" too much into other peoples reactions.
post #20 of 30

I've never understood why pregnancy and raising children make it open season on tactless comments.

 

If I was 3 (or even at my age), I would not want to talk to her either!!!!

 

A few weeks ago, a man (while he was sitting at a demonstration for kids in a kids' chair instead of giving up his seat to my children or myself) guffawed loudly about the size of my belly.  This is really common.  I wonder why my giant belly is a justification to POINT, audibly pass horrible comments, etc.  Still, I just smile and nod and remember it's awesome I am still out and about.  Besides, the real craziness on comments is going to start when the babies are all out!

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