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anxiety around 2nd homebirth

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

So i've been reading birth stories and several close friends have recently had babies so birth has been on my mind i guess. maybe it's also time to process since DS is 7 months old! We had a wonderful homebirth in January that was relatively uncomplicated aside from him being posterior in the beginning so through position techniques we turned him - as soon as he turned i dilated very quickly and pushed for about an hour. he was born cord around neck and was pretty floppy even though his heartbeat was strong throughout. third stage was fine, very little bleeding. we have a beautiful, curious and bouncing baby boy whom we are head over heels for.

 

I think i'm still dealing with the feelings around him coming out floppy, like maybe it was something i did - or why he was posterior since i had fears about posterior birth my whole pregnancy and did tons of spinning babies - who knows what it is. but i won't be having another baby for at least a year, yet i am already thinking that i'm not sure i want to do it at home - or maybe just not in the same room...like DS' birth is too attached to that space. it might also be the feeling that maybe i got lucky the first time, and since we look at birth as inherently dangerous in mainstream society that part of my subconscious is thinking maybe i shouldn't push my luck? any thoughts would be great ladies, thanks for reading :)

post #2 of 3

I'm currently pregnant, preparing for another home birth, and dealing with some of the same feelings. Our son had a long birth; he was in military presentation. When he came out, his color was pretty good but his cord had stopped pulsing and it took a while to get him to breathe. Somehow, I knew everything would be okay, and it was. It probably also helped that after the long, arduous labor, I was so exhausted that I don't think I could have worried.  I had been worried about that moment before the birth.

 

I'm finding now that I'm having anxiety, mostly related to pain and the unpredictability of birth. I'm not worried about birthing in the same place. If I have any advice to for you, it would be to remember that births are all so different, that many babies come out fairly floppy and it's pretty common in those first moments, that being born with cord around the neck is very common, and that if you can process this enough where you can give birth in the same space, you can also use it as a way to emotionally 'rewrite' over that negative feeling. I would definitely say that if you feel birthing in that space would be too difficult, then don't, as you wouldn't want it affecting your labor or dilation progress.

 

If you've never read 'Birthing From Within', I recommend it as a wonderful tool to help process some of these feelings. Even before your next pregnancy. I didn't use it during my first pregnancy, and now I'm finding it extremely helpful while trying to prepare for this next birth while working on some emotional healing from the last one. 'Ina May's Guide to Childbirth' also has some interesting anecdotes about women that were kind of holding on to emotional things during birth and how it affected their progress.

 

Hope some of this can help!

post #3 of 3
Thread Starter 

thank you for sharing! i did read birthing from within the first time around and liked it a lot. i also loved ina may's guide to childbirth. i should pick them up again. i totally know what you mean about being too busy to worry about your son not breathing immediately, or being floppy. In the moment i was overjoyed and not scared at all, it was only until afterwards, like weeks after, when i had time to process it did i start to wonder and worry.

 

I guess the easy solution would be to birth in another space, but who knows if over a year from now i will even feel the same way...i think the best and most mature thing to do would be to explore these feelings further. :) the unpredictability of birth is absolutely part of it, aren't we all a little fearful of the unknown? and then there is the emotional baggage from birthing once already, and processing that experience before the next birth. i loved birthing at home and can't imagine doing it in a hospital, but i also don't know any different. i still think there is a part of me that feels like i got lucky the first time, and that thought bugs me.

 

it sounds like you are preparing well for your next birth, and congratulations! thank you for your healing words.

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