I am a broke, part-time waitress currently in grad school. Found out I was pregnant 3 weeks ago: major shock and commence daily crying for two weeks. My bf does not feel ready, and I don't either, but something about going through with an abortion felt really wrong to me. So, with his support, we decided that while we are broke, we would try to go forward and see what happens.
Now, as reality is starting to sink in, I am freaking out. I started crying in the middle of my run today - what the hell am I doing?? I start an internship next year (at which time surprise baby would be 5 months old) that is unpaid...aaahhh!! I am already in a student loan financial hole, and I will just be piling onto it, essentially shackling us to a lifetime of poverty, I'm afraid.
And, this might be selfish, but I am so scared about what will happen to my body. I don't want to get fat, I dont want a destroyed vagina, and I don't want to feel miserable and unsexy. I am also scared that I will never have alone time again - I'm a major introvert and I love being alone. I am petrified about finances. I don't want to be a pregnant waitress. I can't imagine trying to shuffle giving birth and finishing term papers and projects. I am...freaking out!
This is consuming my mind, and I don't know where to turn. Despite an upcoming bday and mini-vacation, this is all I can think about. I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this, but I just feel really scared and unsure about what I'm doing. I wonder if having an abortion would be the right thing after all.
I guess I just need to vent! I don't know anyone in my situation.