Not sure what I'm asking...
I'm 11 weeks tomorrow. My BFF (who has a 1.5 yo) keeps kinda encouraging me to get an u/s so that DH can "bond" with the baby. Well, no, that's not accurate. I think that she maybe/basically understands that I am not really doing u/s or doppler (probably will do the 20-week scan, but that would be the sum total for anything non-urgent). But she just keeps mentioning (3x now, over several months) how awesome it apparently was for her DH to "bond" with baby by seeing the u/s, and how much that will surely "help" my DH, because "men just don't understand..." or "men need..." FWIW, I think the first u/s her DH saw was at 15-16 weeks, but it could have been the 20-week. Her implication is that her DH, while happy, I guess (baby was a million-percent planned), didn't "really get" the whole baby thing until halfway through her PG, when he saw the u/s.
I don't... get it?
I mean, I'm definitely not having an u/s so DH can "bond," and that's not even an issue-- 1) DH is 100% on board with my lack of desire for any/more than one u/s and really has no personal desire to see baby on u/s, and 2) DH seems SO SO SO bonded to this baby-to-be already. He's at least as excited as I am about stuff like tomorrow's first "real" prenatal with our MW (for which he will be in attendance), he asks about "buko*" all the time, even talks to "buko"-- and I'm not even showing yet-- not even when naked! Since we had a loss a few months ago (my first PG), he decided early on with this one that he is "already a father" and I am already a mother, no matter what happens. Can't wait to babywear all day long... All that stuff.
I'm trying to understand if I'm missing something. I'm sure both he and I will bond with baby more and more as the PG goes on... And I also understand that it's different for me, more "real" in some ways, as my body is directly experiencing m/s and all the other 1st tri lovelies... and soon I'll feel baby inside before he'll be able to feel from the outside. I mean-- I get all that stuff. (Although the way he tolerates/encourages my verbal download on the state of my insides every day, LOL... he knows as much as he can without being constipated and gassy himself!)
But I guess I'm trying to understand... is my DH's attitude unusual for dads/co-parents (or specifically FTDs)? Is he really already as "bonded" as he can be at this point? Or is the above not really what people mean by "bonded?" And if so, what does "bondedness" look like?
I've searched and found a few threads on this, but I'm still not sure I get it.
How about you? Did your DP "bond" with your baby early? Late? What did it look like? Different or similar to your friends and family members? All thoughts and musings, anecdotes, etc., are 110% welcome!
*My screen name, it means like... "young coconut," and is what we call our little bean.