My SD is in an unhealthy relationship.. and yes while i realize everyone has their own path, and lessons to learn, i worry about her. After posting the other day (http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1360133/wwyd#post_17070066) I realized the problem was really the BF.. He isn't a nice guy, and I'm worried it will only get worse for her. He has been verbally abusive towards her father and I, and even took his frustration out on our Air Exchanger. We also have holes in the wall where he punched them. If he is so quick to lash out at us, then what else is he capable of.. She supports him fully, and does all the work in the house (SHE shoveled the driveway after working all day, while he was home without a job, SHE walks his dog, SHE cleans the house, makes supper & pays the bills) I`m not sure what he does to support her, I have not seen anything. He keeps her away from her family, and won`t let her go anywhere without him. She`s told me that she`s afraid to tell him she`s upset at him, and cannot stand up to him... My worry is that if she stays with him, it will get worse.
How do we help her realize this isn`t a healthy relationship.. If I thought about talking to her mother would help I would, but her mother put her in this relationship by telling her it was okay at 16 to move in with him and his parents, instead of her Papa..(She didn`t want to lose her CS..even took us back to court for more around the same time) I was pregnant with her sister, and we had a room for her at our house (she even painted it) but her mother had her convinced her Papa was not a good guy, and i was equally evil, She made her feel like living with us was a bad idea. We tried at the time to get custody, but were told not to bother as she was 16. We asked a lawyer if there was anything we could do, She said no, nothing we can do.. If her CP says she can live with her BF, she can.
I was born into an abusive relationship.. and see a lot that of similarities between BF`s actions and my fathers.. I ended up in the hospital, as did my mother, many times, and thanks to a wonderful Pizza Delivery guy (who gave us a ride to a shelter) we are still alive. I`ve also been in one myself, so I know how hard it is to convince your heart the guy isn`t good for you, and stand up to the fear he makes you live in. I see the path she`s standing on.. I was there once myself.
I feel if we push her, she will run to him, so we`ve told her we are worried, and left our arms open. Is there anything else we can do