August/September Chat Thread « Back to Group Discussions

[PoetryLover]

Hi everyone! I've not been active here for a very long time. I find that I go to the facebook page frequently, but I will try to make it a point to check in with those here, too. How has the month of August been for everyone? Gabriel turns one on the 31st of this month. He's not standing unassisted yet, but he is pulling up and cruising around furniture a ton. He also has a mouth full of teeth. I'm trying to do more arts/crafts type activities with him and introducing him to more sensory things.

Just thought I'd check in. :-)

[Beckily]

What types of arts and crafts things do you do with him? It's not something I've ever really done, so it doesn't come naturally :) I worry that he'd just try to eat whatever it was. ... Because he would.

[PoetryLover]

Becky, I'm on my way out, but I'll be back to post later. Anything nontoxic, really. He can finger paint with nontoxic paint, play with play doh (I make my own). I've had him color with crayons. He does eat them at this stage, so I make sure they're nontoxic and supervise closely. He can also color with large chalk on the chalkboard. I haven't really tried crafts with Gabe just yet, though. I've been pinning some things on pinterest. One think I read about online (that isn't a craft, either) is making water balloons and putting them in the bathtub with the boys at bath time. I'll be back later. :-)

[Baby_Cakes]

Finn liked the mess free paint thing we did!  You put finger paint in a giant gallon zip lock bag and then tape it to a table (in our house I put it on the wall, too) and put a piece of white paper behind it.  They can smoosh all the paint around with their hands and there is no mess!!

[Lynann]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

Finn liked the mess free paint thing we did!  You put finger paint in a giant gallon zip lock bag and then tape it to a table (in our house I put it on the wall, too) and put a piece of white paper behind it.  They can smoosh all the paint around with their hands and there is no mess!!

Carrie that is a genius idea. I'll have to give that a try, as both my boys are more interested in eating the paint than making art with it.

[Lynann]

I'm guessing its going to be quiet around here.

I finally had a good sleep last night, after several nights of insomnia, so staying away from FB definitely seems to be helping.

While I'm keeping my head in the sand over the election season I am keeping busy with my birthday present.

DH bought me a dressform, and I've personalized it with an old bra and a polystyrene ball to make it more like my actual shape. Now I'm working on making some new dresses, as I also got 4 really nice fabrics to make dresses with.

Potty training continues slowly. DS1 will hold in his pee until he just can't hold it any longer. We've had some accidents because of that, but continue to ask every 15 minutes and don't make a big deal when he says no, or pees himself. He does always tell us while he is peeing, so at least he isn't trying to hide it. I have a feeling this is just going to be something that takes him a while, and then one day it'll click, as that is his usual pattern. Once he gets potty trained it'll probably be time to start on DS2.

Miss you all over on FB, but I need my sleep more.

[PoetryLover]

Carrie, I'm going to try that, too! I just have to dig out our finger paints.

This isn't necessarily artsy, but something I've done with the boys recently is make play doh. They love dumping the flour and other ingredients into the bowl and stirring, etc. And they love the different colors that we make. I sit them in their booster seats with the play doh and lots of cookie cutters, little spoons, etc. and it keeps their attention for quite a while. Something else that we did for fun was let them play with water balloons in the bath tub. They had so much fun and really loved it at the end of the bath when DH held the balloons up and popped them one by one, letting the water fall on the boys.

Lynann, I hear you on potty training. DS1 is 2 1/2 and, although he recently expressed interest in potty training and wearing big boy underwear, he isn't really cooperating. I don't want to push it, but I might try suggesting again soon in a way that is positive. ... Also, it seems that stepping away from fb for a while has been good for you. I think I need a brief break, as well. I took one for a few weeks a while back and it worked wonders.

[Baby_Cakes]

I'm glad you're sleeping better, Lyn!!!  Good for you for doing what it takes!  Sometimes...I feel I need a break from the constant mommy wars on my feed.  NOT you guys, omg, that sounds bad.  But just all the parenting jibber jabber and look what my kid did (even though I partake it in) can be much at times.  Sigh.  I just feel like .. bored sometimes w/o fb.  it's something I'm thikning about though.

busy day today!!  My hands are finally free!!!  

I dug out Finn's baby book and finally started putting some info in from the calendar I keep w/all his milestones.  How is my baby 1?!?  How are all our babies 1?!?

[PoetryLover]

Gosh, I'm complaining about fb, but I think I'm going to have to find milestones on fb for both my kids. :-(

They've grown so fast. I can't believe I'm going to have 2 toddlers soon! YIKES! LOL

[Lynann]

I did think staying away from FB would be hard, but I was soooo productive yesterday. A good nights sleep and no computer distraction and I got caught up with some kitchen chores and got the first dress cut & pinned. I'm planning on having this first dress ready to wear to Seth's party on 8th.

I've also eased off on the potty training. We had though going straight to underpants all day long (except for naps) would help him train quicker. Unfortunately he just decided to hold it in even though we were taking him every 15 min. So now I'm slowing it down and he just goes diaper free after his nap, and then after a couple of hours we give him the choice of potty or diaper just before we sit down for dinner. I know it will just click at some point and then it'll be a breeze, but until then we're just taking a gentle approach. Aiden is one of those personalities that won't be made to do anything.

I'm going to have to try the water balloons in the bath for our messy play day. Both boys love playing with water, so it should be a lot of fun.

All the political wars were getting to the point of being really triggering about past trauma in my life, which is why I had to walk away. I normally love political discussions, but it sometimes feels like there is no discussion over here, just mud slinging. I'm not even particularly fond of either party, and don't get why its just a two party system either. I once took a survey to find out where your political views lie, and I was right on the same spot of the grid as the Constitution. The way things are these days that makes me even more conservative than the Republicans. But it doesn't surprise me that I like George Washington so much (been reading his biographies lately.)

I do miss the daily chats with everyone in our group, but I'm definitely not missing the stress.

[Lynann]

Its so quiet around here.

The insomnia is back tonight, but probably due to drinking too much coffee late in the day today. I had to make a pot of coffee this evening to have some available for the tiramisu I was making for dinner tomorrow night. Its our 5th anniversary and with the lack of baby sitters we're doing the romantic candle light dinner ourselves at home after we get the boys down for the night. I'm making the soup & dessert and DH is cooking veal marsala for us. I love that we can both cook, so can share making a special dinner.

I do hope someone drops by here soon.

[cat13]

Lyn, that sounds romantic   DH and I did something similar a while back and had a "date-night" after DS went to bed. It was very nice, but definitely no veal marsala and tiramisu! Enjoy! 

Milestones.... for as much time as I've spent online with you ladies, I am sad to say I haven't been keeping track of much. I think I'll take your advice PL and dig through old posts. 

I'm starting to find a normal day-to-day for me, as I've been a SAHM for about a month now. It's still strange to me, and some days I feel like I do nothing all day, even though I'm busier than I've ever been. I think I need to start setting some clear goals, so I feel better about myself. Even small stuff like bake bread tomorrow, or walk to the farther & nicer park. I think River and I are getting a routine together too, which is nice. But poor DH is feeling so bad because River is mama-only right now. DH can't even pick him up at all anymore if we are in the house. Thankfully he's normal papa-loving-baby when we are out and about. But it's starting to make him feel sad. He was a SAHD for the first 11 months, and even though he was excited to get back to working within his career, he is having a hard time adjusting to seeing River less. He actually started leaving the house around 5am so he can have more time to spend with DS when he gets home in the evenings. 

I've been fighting the green-eyed monster lately about sleep. So many people that I talk to lately talk about their babies waking up only 1 or 2 times a night or even STTN all night long. We are up every hour or two hours tops. Usually just nursing, but sometimes a full wake up, crying, rocking in the chair, me signing him back to sleep, etc.  Sleep just sucks, sucks, sucks. Never had a good night ever. I wonder if I ever will again. Sometimes it physically hurts and I get so crabby. And other times it's just normal and I wonder if I even really need more. I think it's more painful when I compare myself to other people. I know I shouldn't, but it's so hard to do. 

[PoetryLover]

Lyn, potty training is such a challenge for me right now, and DS1 was actually using the potty here and there when he was about 1 1/2 and I thought the process would be so easy. He goes through phases where he uses the potty here and there for periods of time and then loses interest in it. Maybe it's my fault, as I think I stopped working with him on it as much after DS2 was born. Then I started back working on using the potty after several months, but then we decided to move and, again, I stopped working with him, as I needed to pack, move, unpack, etc. Then the girls were here and I decided to wait until they left, as my attention was so divided. Then I needed several weeks to decompress. Now I'm trying to get him interested again. I know another MDC mama who did the Potty Training in One Day and had success. But I just don't agree with the method myself. You'e supposed to offer soda and juice frequently so that the child has to pee often and when they use the potty, you're supposed to offer candy and treats as a reward. More, when the child has an accident, you're supposed to firmly communicate your discontent and THEN make the child practice walking to the potty from all rooms of the house. Is just seems like shaming to me. I know I could offer water instead of juice or soda and I don't have to give candy as a reward. I tend to give stickers when he uses the potty and am very positive. I know some people don't believe in giving any rewards. I have to say I was very surprised to see a MDC use this method, though, especially another mama (no one in our group) that I otherwise respect a great deal. Maybe she modified it? Anyway, the training starts with a dolly that wets and the child is shown, using the doll as a tool, how the doll can use the potty and, oops, dolly had an accident, etc. It is an intensive day, starting early in the morning with the doll, then the child and doing very frequent underpant checks to make sure they're dry, giving lots of fluids, having the child sit on the potty every 15 minutes or so and then giving rewards for using the potty. But it requires your complete attention and it's recommended to have other children in the care of someone else while one parent is solely working with the child on potty training. I could do that on a weekend, perhaps, but I don't want to push and I don't want to shame. And I would definitely modify the method A LOT. Honestly, I believe the book was written back in the 70s and am surprised that it's still being used. I have Diaper Free Before 3 and started reading it before, but I really need to dig it out again.

I hope your anniversary dinner is delicious and that your time with your husband is  uninterrupted. :-) My boys don't always stay asleep once they're down and typically wake, but we have a family bed. We have been lucky a couple of nights last week and were able to get back up and watch a documentary. The boys did wake, but they  both went back down relatively easily. The 5 year anniversary is certainly a milestone. My husband and I are coming up on our 4 year wedding anniversary, but we've been together for nearly 5 years.

I have more to say, but the boys need my attention. :-) I'll be back.

[Lynann]

I have to agree I don't think shame and guilt are useful ways to parent, and especially not for something like potty learning.

I'm finding that the most important thing is to work with DS1's personality rather than against it. Every major mile stone has only happened when we have held back from pushing him and let him get there by himself. Once we realized that he was deliberately holding on until nap or bed time to pee in his diaper (or trying to anyway) we decided it was time to scale back a bit. If we push him right now he'll just get more stressed about the potty and then it will be harder to get him to go. So we're back in diapers most of the day, and some days all day. If he asks to go then we'll go, but he only gets to sit on it for a few minutes before we encourage him to try again later. The first few days we were taking him every 15 minutes and letting him sit on it for several minutes while we read stories together. So now he only gets once through the story while on the potty.

Rather than being discouraged about it (the book we were given a copy of says 10 days will see most children out of diapers during the day) we know that he'll go when he is ready to. Like everything else one day it will just click in his brain and then he'll be out of diapers. Meanwhile we let him lead, and we also let him help us empty poopy diapers into the toilet by flushing "bye, bye" to the poop and keep letting him know when we are going to "pee in the potty" so he continues to develop an understanding that it is something we all do.

I'm not sure how tonight will go , as Seth woke up this morning with heavy red eyes and a snotty nose. He may be working on some more teeth, but my guess is he has caught a head cold from our friend's daughter Hannah over the weekend. When he isn't sleeping he tends to be very clingy to me when he is even the slightest bit under the weather. So we may have to share our romantic evening with a sick baby.

It also looks like the worst of the stormy weather is finally passing by. We haven't been able to let Aiden play outside all weekend because of the heavy rain and strong winds. Today its just windy so he is getting out to play on the patio for a little while today.

Tina, I'm glad you feel like you are finally getting a routine. It really does help having some structure and predictability to each day. I'm definitely more of a loose routine than a schedule mama, but that little bit to structure certainly helps all of us get through the day well.

[Beckily]

Charlie wakes up about 6 times a night, I think. Something there. We went through a phase with crying, too. So. Yeah. Sleep. Bah.

How was your dinner, Lyn? Dusty loves tiramisu! I don't like coffee, so he doesn't get it. That sounded like a lovely plan :)

[PoetryLover]

Lyn, I've been looking for a good double jogging stroller, and, unfortunately have not found one used. I remember you said you have the instep safari with the pivoting wheel from Walmart.com. The cheaper one might be affordable, but it doesn't specify pivoting wheel like the one above it (in the $200 + range).

This is the one I'm considering:  http://www.walmart.com/ip/InStep-Safari-Double-Jogging-Stroller-Blue/13264734

And this is the one that is a little more $ but specifies swiveling wheel: http://i.walmartimages.com/i/p/00/03/86/75/02/0003867502830_180X180.jpg

Can you advise? It's a lot of money to spend and I want to make sure I get what I need. Many thanks!

ETA I did notice that it said "Manual swivel lock allows you to flip between jogging and strolling mode" pn the cheaper one. I need it for (mostly) walking, so maybe this would work for me? Is this the one you have?

Edited by PoetryLover - 8/27/12 at 12:54pm

[Lynann]

Originally Posted by PoetryLover 

Lyn, I've been looking for a good double jogging stroller, and, unfortunately have not found one used. I remember you said you have the instep safari with the pivoting wheel from Walmart.com. The cheaper one might be affordable, but it doesn't specify pivoting wheel like the one above it (in the $200 + range).

This is the one I'm considering:  http://www.walmart.com/ip/InStep-Safari-Double-Jogging-Stroller-Blue/13264734

And this is the one that is a little more $ but specifies swiveling wheel: http://i.walmartimages.com/i/p/00/03/86/75/02/0003867502830_180X180.jpg

Can you advise? It's a lot of money to spend and I want to make sure I get what I need. Many thanks!

ETA I did notice that it said "Manual swivel lock allows you to flip between jogging and strolling mode" pn the cheaper one. I need it for (mostly) walking, so maybe this would work for me? Is this the one you have?

This is the one I have, and in red too. It is really easy to switch the front wheel. I mostly walk with it and it is easy to push with even one hand. The only thing, and its the same with most double strollers, is that its a bit of a pain to get into the trunk of our tiny car. It fits, but we have to take the rear wheels off (easy peasy though) and it only goes in one way. But we do have a tiny car (Nissan Versa) so that is probably more about the size of our car. The sun canopy on each side works independently which is great when we have Seth reclined and Aiden fully sitting. Now that Seth is older and bigger and almost as heavy as his brother it is still a breeze to use. I'd recommend it to any mama on a budget.

[Lynann]

Originally Posted by Beckily 

Charlie wakes up about 6 times a night, I think. Something there. We went through a phase with crying, too. So. Yeah. Sleep. Bah.

How was your dinner, Lyn? Dusty loves tiramisu! I don't like coffee, so he doesn't get it. That sounded like a lovely plan :)

Dinner was great. You should send Dusty over for some tiramisu as we have loads left over. We'll be having dessert all week. We can't even share it with the boys because it contains raw eggs AND some Kahlua too.

[PoetryLover]

Originally Posted by cat13 

Lyn, that sounds romantic   DH and I did something similar a while back and had a "date-night" after DS went to bed. It was very nice, but definitely no veal marsala and tiramisu! Enjoy! 

Milestones.... for as much time as I've spent online with you ladies, I am sad to say I haven't been keeping track of much. I think I'll take your advice PL and dig through old posts. 

I'm starting to find a normal day-to-day for me, as I've been a SAHM for about a month now. It's still strange to me, and some days I feel like I do nothing all day, even though I'm busier than I've ever been. I think I need to start setting some clear goals, so I feel better about myself. Even small stuff like bake bread tomorrow, or walk to the farther & nicer park. I think River and I are getting a routine together too, which is nice. But poor DH is feeling so bad because River is mama-only right now. DH can't even pick him up at all anymore if we are in the house. Thankfully he's normal papa-loving-baby when we are out and about. But it's starting to make him feel sad. He was a SAHD for the first 11 months, and even though he was excited to get back to working within his career, he is having a hard time adjusting to seeing River less. He actually started leaving the house around 5am so he can have more time to spend with DS when he gets home in the evenings. 

I've been fighting the green-eyed monster lately about sleep. So many people that I talk to lately talk about their babies waking up only 1 or 2 times a night or even STTN all night long. We are up every hour or two hours tops. Usually just nursing, but sometimes a full wake up, crying, rocking in the chair, me signing him back to sleep, etc.  Sleep just sucks, sucks, sucks. Never had a good night ever. I wonder if I ever will again. Sometimes it physically hurts and I get so crabby. And other times it's just normal and I wonder if I even really need more. I think it's more painful when I compare myself to other people. I know I shouldn't, but it's so hard to do. 

Regarding milestones, I think the timeline may be good for that kind of thing. Also, I'm planning to "search" the boys names to help  pull up milestones and cute stories I've shared. Come to think of it, I email Eric a lot and may be able to search their names in Outlook, as well, to see some of the things I've written about them.

I've been a SAHM since I was pregnant with my older son and I'm still trying to find my groove and establish workable routines. It's a daily effort. And when I get into a routine, something happens to change things. LOL But I wouldn't give being home with the boys for anything, as it's super rewarding. I imagine it would be difficult for your husband to change roles like that. I, too, would be sad to go to work full time if i were him in that scenario. But soon enough it will become the  new normal. And River will move beyond the "novelty" of having you all the time. I mean, he'll always LOVE you. But he will also get VERY excited when his daddy arrives home in the evening, and that should help your husband to feel better. I hope I worded myself right. I'm super distracted right now.

I so hear you on the sleep issue. I'm still nursing both boys, although I'm cutting back on DS1's night time nursing, and I don't sleep restfully. They don't fully wake up. They stir and want to be nursed. But I feel like I'm tossing and turning and not getting good sleep. I actually yelled this past weekend, as DH was awake and kept letting DS1 come into the bedroom where I was trying to sleep. I guess I feel that I have to be up super early all week long, he has been going to the coffee shop early Saturday mornings to study and Sunday  mornings we have Quaker meeting. I feel like I NEVER get to sleep in. So on the rare morning that he is home, I really appreciate it if he can take the boys for me. I might get more sleep than DH, but it is much more BrOkEn sleep. 

Originally Posted by Lynann 

I have to agree I don't think shame and guilt are useful ways to parent, and especially not for something like potty learning.

I'm finding that the most important thing is to work with DS1's personality rather than against it. Every major mile stone has only happened when we have held back from pushing him and let him get there by himself. Once we realized that he was deliberately holding on until nap or bed time to pee in his diaper (or trying to anyway) we decided it was time to scale back a bit. If we push him right now he'll just get more stressed about the potty and then it will be harder to get him to go. So we're back in diapers most of the day, and some days all day. If he asks to go then we'll go, but he only gets to sit on it for a few minutes before we encourage him to try again later. The first few days we were taking him every 15 minutes and letting him sit on it for several minutes while we read stories together. So now he only gets once through the story while on the potty.

Rather than being discouraged about it (the book we were given a copy of says 10 days will see most children out of diapers during the day) we know that he'll go when he is ready to. Like everything else one day it will just click in his brain and then he'll be out of diapers. Meanwhile we let him lead, and we also let him help us empty poopy diapers into the toilet by flushing "bye, bye" to the poop and keep letting him know when we are going to "pee in the potty" so he continues to develop an understanding that it is something we all do.

I'm not sure how tonight will go , as Seth woke up this morning with heavy red eyes and a snotty nose. He may be working on some more teeth, but my guess is he has caught a head cold from our friend's daughter Hannah over the weekend. When he isn't sleeping he tends to be very clingy to me when he is even the slightest bit under the weather. So we may have to share our romantic evening with a sick baby.

It also looks like the worst of the stormy weather is finally passing by. We haven't been able to let Aiden play outside all weekend because of the heavy rain and strong winds. Today its just windy so he is getting out to play on the patio for a little while today.

Tina, I'm glad you feel like you are finally getting a routine. It really does help having some structure and predictability to each day. I'm definitely more of a loose routine than a schedule mama, but that little bit to structure certainly helps all of us get through the day well.

My son has a strong personality, too, and can't be pushed to do things. I, too, think the best thing is to wait until he is less resistant. I'm not sure if I should reward with stickers, though, but he does like them. The book Potty Training before 3, I think, advises against rewards.

Originally Posted by Lynann 

This is the one I have, and in red too. It is really easy to switch the front wheel. I mostly walk with it and it is easy to push with even one hand. The only thing, and its the same with most double strollers, is that its a bit of a pain to get into the trunk of our tiny car. It fits, but we have to take the rear wheels off (easy peasy though) and it only goes in one way. But we do have a tiny car (Nissan Versa) so that is probably more about the size of our car. The sun canopy on each side works independently which is great when we have Seth reclined and Aiden fully sitting. Now that Seth is older and bigger and almost as heavy as his brother it is still a breeze to use. I'd recommend it to any mama on a budget.

Yay! I just ordered this. I feel bad for spending the money, especially with Gabriel's 1st birthday and DH's 40th birthday coming up. But with the second vehicle having died and our old stroller with a bent frame that makes it nearly impossible to push, we really needed something. I need to be able to walk the boys to the park or the library. If we get a membership to the YMCA (that should be partially reimbursed through DH's insurance), I can actually walk with the boys to the Y, put them in Kid Care where they get to play with other kids, and exercise for a bit. I think I need a small break sometimes and I KNOW I need to exercise. If the boys need me, I will be right in the building. Anyway, I promised DH that if we got the stroller, I WOULD use it. 

Thanks for sharing your experience with it.

Originally Posted by Lynann 

Dinner was great. You should send Dusty over for some tiramisu as we have loads left over. We'll be having dessert all week. We can't even share it with the boys because it contains raw eggs AND some Kahlua too.

I'm so glad you had such a nice anniversary dinner and that you have yummy tiramisu left over. I think it is essential for husbands and wives with small children to make time for each other as a couple. I find that when DH and I make special time together, it helps us to connect a lot more.

[Lynann]

Taking the boys for a walk IS my exercise. We have a fitness room and an outdoor pool available in our gated community. The only problem is I don't swim AND by the time the boys are in bed at night I have lost ALL motivation to be going out for some exercise. I think what I need is a treadmill in the garage, so that I can run while to boys are having their nap in the afternoon. The only problem with that is that treadmills cost money, something we don't have to spare (especially when all our extra money is still going on paying down debt and saving to get a second vehicle.)

We have talked about turning one of my crafts into a business. I'm thinking of making quilted book bags for using at the library and once I get the design to where I want and a few stocked up going the etsy route to sell them. It would be something with a fairly low overhead, reasonably quick top make and affordable for SAHM's to buy. Any profit would go towards the 2nd vehicle.

I'm not planning on using rewards (other than praise) for potty training. He will ask to go a few times a week, so that is good enough for me right now. He is still processing the whole potty idea. Once he is more ready he'll want to make the switch to underpants himself. It is how he has been for other things too. Like shoes. When we first started putting shoes on he kept taking them off as quickly as possible. Then one day he took his slippers over to the stairs, sat on the bottom stair and asked to get them on. He has been great about wearing shoes ever since. The same with walking. When we tried to encourage it he would bend his legs to sit down, then one day he started trying to do it on his own and less than a week later he was fully walking. I really believe the potty learning is going to be the same. We keep it familiar, but one day it is just going to click in his head and then he'll breeze through the process.