Well, it happened again today...my chain got yanked and I was totally not expecting it.
I've been having really heavy periods, so I've been trying to get some medical care to help determine what's going on & what might help. The last 3 female OBs that I saw all left the practice, so I just gave up and decided to go with whomever was available. So, a male OB. Turns out, he's probably in his mid-70s and is a very gentle person. So that's good.
Anyway, I had several diagnostic tests today: a vaginal ultrasound, which was conducted by a female technician, no problem. And then the OB came in to do a 2nd test, where they insert a catheter into the uterus & then inject water into it while doing an ultrasound, to see if there are fibroids pushing into the lining of the uterus. I had this done in 2007, when I was trying to get pregnant, and I figured, OK, I know the drill, no problem.
So the OB was inserting the speculum, and it hurt like hell! I've never had a speculum hurt that much. I yelled and felt this panic reaction (a sudden hot rush through my body). Gentle OB stopped, took out the speculum, got a new (smaller) one, continued with procedure, it was mildly uncomfortable, but OK, we got through the procedure. Whew. I thought I was OK, but the technician & OB left the room, and I started crying, and I could not make myself stop.
The pain was one thing, but it just triggered some association with the worst part of my labor, when I had to make the decision to have the C-section. I can't say exactly why that particular moment came up for me...something about having a male physician there, even though this OB is super gentle and the OB at my birth was not so gentle.
So anyway, I asked the technician for a little extra time to pull myself together, and eventually I realized I was going to have to just get through it, tears and all. So I had to go into a different exam room, where a very chipper nurse told me that there was yet another procedure, which would involve yet another speculum & catheter, something I was not expecting. And she just completely ignored my obvious emotional distress which started to make me angry. Like, what is wrong with our medical system that the best a caregiver can do is just try to act like nothing is going on emotionally with a patient?
When the OB came in after Nurse Chipper, he was actually very respectful. He apologize for hurting me and asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about. I really couldn't answer, but I appreciated that he was at least addressing the issue instead of acting like nothing was wrong. He also said that we didn't have to do the other procedure, which I also appreciated, because it would have been very difficult for me to get through it.
So, I made it through the appointment, went on a long bike ride on a beautiful day, and then went to work. I am OK.
But dang, I hate these moments when I'm totally blind-sided by something. And I hate it that I just cry and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
Can anyone relate?