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Mothering › Groups › March 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › In-laws asking for a specific due-date. *sigh*

In-laws asking for a specific due-date. *sigh*

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 

The in-laws are begging DH to give them an EXACT due date so they can plan when to fly out from California (we are in TN). I have not given ANYONE a due date (not even my husband, my own mother, or my best friends), and didn't plan to, because I went to 42 weeks with DD and was bombarded with "When is the baby coming/why isn't she here yet" from everyone, which drove me crazy. Also, MIL flew out early to try to force me to go on walks with her in hopes that I'd go into labor while she was there. I had to get my own mom to come out to get her to leave and go stay with other relatives, because she was stressing me out.

 

Then after DD was born, they only stayed two days, and weren't any help - didn't help clean, or bring us food or anything. I really don't want anyone coming until a day or so after baby is here, and I want them to do mo

re than just sit and hold the baby. My mom is living with us now, so at least his parents will be forced to get a hotel, but I still don't want them just hanging around waiting for me to put on a show. We are having a home birth anyway. 

So, I told DH to tell everyone that I'm due in late March/Early April, because I'm not likely to go early and probably will have another "late" baby. I ovulate late and have long cycles anyway. Now the in-laws aren't satisfied with that, and they want an actual date. *eyeroll* I don't know what to tell them. I guess I'll just give them a date that would be the estimated 41 or 42 weeks...? IDK.  I just do NOT want them here early. I want a stress-free birth and at least a day or two to "babymoon".  

What would you do?? My only concern with lying a little bit is that once my midwife gives me an EDD, DH might tell that to his parents and say it has changed. *facepalm*
post #2 of 10
I would give them a date that they can book the flight for. My mom and I don't have the greatest relationship, and when I was due with my first, I did give her a due date but I told her the day she could fly out. It was two and a half weeks later. Its your home and your baby, IMO its really important to set some boundaries so that you wont be stressed at the end of your pregnancy. Get DH on board if you can by explaining the effects stress can have on you, baby, and your ability to comfortably go into labor. My MIL lived 20 minutes away and I didn't let her (or anyone else for that matter) come over for four days. The baby was still brand new and everyone survived (even if they got their panties in a twist).
post #3 of 10
Uhmmm..do they not get that an edd is just that...an ESTIMATE?? That even your midwife or dr couldn't give them an exact date?
Sounds like you don't really want then around at the begining. Could you somehow make them understand that since you do tend to birth later and that your sure they want to enjoy their grandchuld as much as possible, it would be easieat for them (and yoy, but you don't tell them that!!)to come in mid-april?
post #4 of 10
Sorry for all the mistakes! I can' t stand typing on my phone but really wanted too reply!
post #5 of 10

parent and inlaws can be very stressful. I've learned to set the boundaries that I need, regardless of what they want. I figure, either way there is a risk that they will be unhappy. Not every family is like that, but they need to respect your needs as a family by the sounds of it. What I would do is give them a date at around 42+ weeks, or whatever time you think you would for certain have had the baby and be ready for them. I would also tell them flat out that if they are to spend any amount of time in your home that they must participate in household chores, or at least put them on older child duty. I would just be clear about it. It might be difficult to say, but it will also be difficult if you don't say it. jmo.

post #6 of 10

First I would say you really need to get your DH on board and make sure he understands what you need and get his support. Then, if I were in your shoes, I would give your in-laws at date 2.5 weeks or so after your actual due date so you know you will have had the baby. And, like Mamakaikai said, make your expectations clear. Tell them what you need from them. It was great because my midwife had a note that we could hang on the front door or copy for family and friends that basically said don't bother coming over or coming in if you do not plan to do some dishes, rotate some laundry, run the vacuum or bring food for the first few weeks! It was great.

 

I love my MIL, she is very helpful. My Mom is the one who has a harder time finding a way to help. It is not that she isn't willing though, she just needs specific instruction. Both my Mom and MIL are great with the older siblings though, and sometimes that is the best help.

 

And, just because your post reminded me. I had a friend who's in-laws were very similar to yours. They showed up on my friends due date (she always goes late), drove her nuts the whole time they were there and literally tried to sneak out and leave the morning after the baby was born without really even seeing the baby! So strange, some people are just so odd. And they had wanted to use her birthing tub as a hot tub, they brought swimsuits!

post #7 of 10

I am telling people the real due date, but on FB and in an email to family, at 38 weeks, there will be a NO STALKING WARNING sent out, we're happy as a family to go to 42 weeks, so no need to suggest we drink castor oil, have sex or smoke the baby out.  Personally, only immediate family will be allowed over for the 1st week and that is only b/c they are helpful.  We are off limits for baby moon to anyone that would stress us out.  I'd be giving her a date 2.5+ after so at the end, her flight schedule isn't in your head

post #8 of 10

I agree with the others. You really need to get DH on board with you, if he's going to turn around and tell them a different EDD from what you want, that's not fair to you. He must know how much this stresses you out, so it seems like a no-brainer to keep them away until the baby is actually here. 

 

I think telling them to get a flight after April 15th is a good plan. Most likely babe will be here by then and they will only have to stay a few days. Although having them in a hotel is fabulous since your mom is taking up the guest bedroom!

 

Another thing, When they come to see the baby, remind them that poor DD hasn't had any time with them either, so they should take her to lunch/dinner, whatever, but have them help out with your daughter. She is a grandchild as well, and will need some attention too.

 

Hope it all works out!

post #9 of 10
I agree with the others. Get DH on board, tell them the actual EDD but hat you are most likely to go late and that no one is allowed to visit until mid April. Also tell them not to come at all if they don't plan to help in some fashion.
post #10 of 10

Make it their idea....suggest that they come out and help after the baby is already here. That way they are not stressing about not having time with baby and their other grandaughter. Everyone will be somewhat well adjusted to baby, etc. If you suggest it in a certain way, most likely they will see the benefit vs missing something. If this doesn't work...it is your experience your time, you just need to make clear boundaries for your family that they need to respect. My MIL is very over bearing it was very hard for me to do, but when I don't do it I end up resenting her instead of enjoying moments that are so important. Once I did, she respected my wishes, but I also had my husband on board which made the process much easier. Good luck hun!

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