Well in the last month, all this anger, rage and irritability has now been mostly with my husband! He drives me crazy! Its so sad though and I'm ridden with guilt bc most of the time he does nothing. And if he does do something wrong (as all imperfect humans sometimes do) the level of anger and annoyance is 1000% more than it should be! Honestly sometimes he will do nothing but walk into the room and I feel like I hate him. I feel so awful admitting that! I know that my attitude towards him is 90% of the time irrational but its wearing me down and of course its hurting him too! I love him so much and am used to being best friends with him but lately I'm only happy around him about 10% of the time.
I know not getting enough sleep makes it worse but sometimes I get enough and I still feel all this horrible rage towards him! Like I said, usually its irrational but sometimes I question if I'd have less anger if he took care of DD more...?? That does contribute to it. He works a job that he hates in order to provide for us and does all the cooking, all the errands, and most cleaning and he never complains and is virtually a saint. But he's really bad when it comes to caring for DD. He's never been around babies so he constantly says he doesn't know what to do, she likes me more, ect but I would just love a break (maybe even 30-60mins) from being her 24hr caregiver. She is a HIGH NEEDS BABY, let me tell you. But He never initiates holding her and honestly in this ppd madness that makes me even more angry. But I'm mostly writing this post bc like I said 90% of the time I feel anger/hate towards him for just breathing. It makes me cry just thinking about it!
I could write and write about this so I'm going to stop here. I'm looking for advice, support, ppl who've been there ect. I'm really hating myself for hating him so much. I'm shocked at the level of negative feelings I can have towards him. we CANNOT AFFORD any counseling or anything otherwise I would have already gone. Please tell me how I can cope with this... I'm afraid of the effects this is having on our marriage.
Edited by Philothea - 10/8/12 at 9:50am