Monkeyscience - I'm starting to think that my daughter has an upper lip tie. My son was tongue tied and now my daughter has the upper lip (what are the odds, huh?). What exactly did it look like?
This is what Baby M's mouth looks like. Tell me what you think:
So I just had it checked out by my doctor and she wasn't sure so she had some other doc come in. The other doctor said that she'd probably get rid of it when she's older and bumps her face or something. Do you think I should get a second opinion? My doc gave me the names of two ENTs. I mean, if they aren't gonna do anything about it, should I even ask another doctor?
I would ask a LC.
Thanks, Sol. I'll try to find one! Monkey - What are you doing about your lip tie? I think I saw something about exercises?
His lip tie was clipped, but he is also doing mouth exercises. Well, actually, for his lips, we have lip stretches we do. Which both of us hate doing. I can't say I think it's made a difference, but I'm also not entirely sure what's supposed to be different about it, anyway, especially since he's never had trouble BFing. Bottle feeding is still a complete no-go, as today's appointment with the speech pathologist proved, but she says that an issue of tongue grooving, which is related to his tongue-tie problems, not his lip tie.
I was talking to a friend recently about spacing of kids and I realized that the primary reason I wouldn't have kids closer together in age is that I want a break from breastfeeding. I feel horrible saying it, but I really resent BFing at times. I've gone on three weekend trips with the baby so far leaving DH at home (this doesn't count the three weekend trips he has taken without the baby) and I realized that until I stop breastfeeding I won't be able to take a trip on my own. Every time I leave the house I have to take a mental calculation about how much milk there is for the baby. When I'm out doing work, I have to pump in public restrooms or in my office or in the car. In order to take even a day away I have to sacrifice even more sleep than I'm already sacrificing in order to get up before the baby to pump. DH has slept through the night countless times since Piper was born while I've done it once. One single time. And I still had to get up early that day to pump because my breasts were so engorged they were painful.
I talked with DH about it this morning and he said we could put her on formula. But that alternative is even worse than the present one. I don't want the guilt, the messy bottles, the cost, and more importantly I don't want to lose the connection Piper and I have when we're together. I love breastfeeding when it's just the two of us. What I hate about breastfeeding is that there's no way for me to be by myself for any length of time without a machine strapped to my breasts.
Part of this is clearly sleep-deprived stress, since Piper's back to nursing every two or three hours at night due to the glorious four month sleep regression. I probably sound super whiny and ungrateful since in every other respect parenting has been such an amazing experience. These have been the happiest four months of my life. But I still really resent how easy DH has it and I really miss being able to just be alone on occasion without worrying about what my breasts are doing. My mom claims it gets a lot better when they start solids, so I'm holding out hope she actually enjoys food and I get a break. I guess I just feel sorry for myself and guilty that it's not all rainbows and unicorns. I wish DH could sprout some stupid milk-producing breasts so I could get a break.
ETA: And while I'm being super whiny, I would also like to add that I really really resent the fact that I've gained weight while BFing and that now instead of being five pounds from my goal weight like I was 3 weeks after birth I'm now 13 pounds from my goal weight. I'm sitting in my office with my pants digging into my belly and feeling very sorry for myself indeed.
I'm probably not the best one to respond to this, since I've made the very difficult decision to switch to formula, but I just wanted to say that I hear you. I think it should be OK to have complicated feelings about breastfeeding at times, and it should be OK to express those feelings. As women, we're constantly bombarded with contradictory messages that we should be both independent and sacrificial. If you've internalized those messages, to any degree, like I know I have myself, then breastfeeding can lead to even more ambivalent feelings. I've become quite wary of women who are black and white about the topic, no matter which side they're on.
It sounds like you're being very clear-headed as you think through the pros and cons of the issue, so I won't offer any advice. Pumping in public is awful--it just plain sucks. And I admit that I get resentful about my husband sleeping through the nights too, especially when he complains on the weekends that I don't "get started on the day early enough." Oh really? Try getting up multiple times during the night and then being all energized and ready to go at 7 AM!!! (and somehow, even though we're mostly formula feeding now, I'm still the one who gets up during the night to feed the baby)
I will admit that the freedom from having to be physically present to feed my baby is nice. But you know what? I don't even take advantage of it. The longest I've been away from her is about 5 hours, and I was so ready to see her again at the end of it. Even though a weekend away sounds nice at times, I couldn't do it--couldn't be away from her that long. And I'm possessive about feeding her too, even though I don't have to be. So maybe it's the thought of freedom that's more liberating, rather than the actuality of it? I get what you're saying, though, about how you have to constantly be thinking about your breasts, regardless of where your baby is. So in that sense, there is no freedom, ever.
I made the hard decision to stop breastfeeding because my severe anxiety about mastitis and another breast abscess were having negative effects on every aspect of my life, especially caring for Elodie. I strongly believe that children are very in tune with the emotional state of their parents (I know that I was as a child, and I grew up with a depressed mother, and it was not good for my own emotional health). So I think that if you're starting to feel dramatically and increasingly resentful, perhaps you will want to re-evaluate your situation at some point and address certain issues. But I will agree with your assessment about switching to formula: it does come with a lot of guilt, messy bottles, cost, and the feeling that you're no longer the sole source of nourishment and thus you are somewhat replaceable. So I would say that if there's any part of you that still finds breastfeeding enjoyable, then soldier on because it's a beautiful thing! There are going to be complicated feelings and inconveniences, no matter which feeding method you choose. But I also think it's totally OK to air your feelings, and I totally get where you're coming from.
I just reread what I wrote, and I'm worried that it sounds like I consider feeding my baby an inconvenience. I definitely don't! I just meant that every feeding method comes with its own set of complications and the requirement to plan ahead.
As women, we're constantly bombarded with contradictory messages that we should be both independent and sacrificial.
WOW. This! This is the best way to express what I've been struggling with lately - regarding my decision to stay home for a while, my attitude towards my child, parenting, breastfeeding - you name it. Thanks for putting it so clearly into words.
How do we achieve balance? How do we both nurture our children appropriately for them and also realize our own potential?
Maybe this needs it's own thread.
Edited to say: All I have to say is I dont envy those who pump all during the day and all that comes with that.
Oh LilyTiger, as usual: 
I completely agree. I can never stop thinking about my boobs, and it's exhausting. I'm finishing up my third week back at work, and the pumping is driving me nuts - it's over an hour out of my day, when I add up the 2-3 times I pump, and it gets me all distracted when I'm already having a hard time focusing on the office. And when I'm home, if I ask my husband to bottle feed because I'm exhausted, sore, or otherwise just need to take a break, then I get all full and leaky and don't end up getting a break. And sometimes he just doesn't eat enough, and then I'm pumping at 4am just to ease the throbbing so I can sleep - I pumped HALF A PINT the other day. Out of one breast. Just to get back to sleep. I've been sick since Tuesday, and I can't get any rest to get better since I'm woken up throughout the night to feed the kid.
I love this baby so much, and cherish our feeding times...but still. I would love a single day where I don't have to think about my rack. Just one!
Whine whine whine. On the flip side, I'm grateful that I'm able to produce as much milk as I am, and that my kid is healthy and happy (and shows no signs of catching my cold). So, that's good 
That is amazing! 
I get less than 1 oz. out of two for a full session.
Actually...that was supposed to say half a quart. Or whatever those large mason jars hold. It was 4am, I was exhausted, and couldn't find any clean bottles to pump into, so I just grabbed a jar! I didn't want to keep the milk since I wasn't sure how long the jar had been sitting out and didn't trust its cleanliness, so I poured some in the cat dish before dumping the rest. The cats seemed pretty happy about that turn of events.
Haha, the cats scored in that deal! :) I just love picturing you tired and trying to figure out what to do with the milk, and then seeing the cat dish. They won't be getting any colds this season ;)
WOW. This! This is the best way to express what I've been struggling with lately - regarding my decision to stay home for a while, my attitude towards my child, parenting, breastfeeding - you name it. Thanks for putting it so clearly into words.
How do we achieve balance? How do we both nurture our children appropriately for them and also realize our own potential?
Maybe this needs it's own thread.
I've been feeling weird because I've been reading a LOT of articles by women about quitting breastfeeding and how they shouldn't be made to feel guilty about formula feeding, etc. I agree, but the undertone of these articles is that there's something wrong with women who DO want that bond with their babies -- and we're all not good feminists for allowing breastfeeding to affect our lives in any way. There's just no winning, I swear. I am just amazed that we're in this huge formula apologists backlash (articles have been on mainstream-ish parenting web sites like babble.com, there's some blogs like fearless formula feeder.
Sarah, I love everything that you've said and you've got the best perspective of any mom whose switched to formula I have encountered thusfar.
BTW, I am in a "real life" mom's group with 150 other mothers, we have meetups with up to 30 people, and anything goes, bottles, boobs. I really don't think anyone has ever felt judged (except maybe for me when I failed miserably at trying to give my EBF son a bottle at a meetup once, but I'm just neurotic)
I just need to vent. I think baby girl is making me pay for all the lies I told other friends about breastfeeding. My famous line was " if you can just make it through the first 2 weeks or month it'll be so easy....." *sigh* I wish I could say it's easy now that my little one is 4 months old, but it's not. :( She swallows a lot of air whether BF or bottle feeding, so I really think her burppiness/gassiness contribute's to her difficult eating style. She's also very particular and distractable. She's constantly popping on and off the boob, or deciding she's really not that hungry, or at other times she's too hungry and can't calm down enough to latch. It's surprising since BF was so much easier with DS. BF her frequently stresses me out. There's nothing like trying to feed your baby and having her cry and protest and not want you. I try not to take it personally, but it's hard. Even worse, I'm working now, so throw bottles in the mix and it's a complete disaster. I think it would have been better if I just stayed home ( financially NOT and option) But for a while she gorged herself on bottles and I had to pump extra at home to make up for it, then I was visiting her at lunch and BF her and she started not taking any bottles at daycare for 3 or 4 days. It was awful so I stopped going at lunch to hopefully get her back to the bottle so she wasn't holding out all day. Now she's back to gorging herself during the day again. I feel like I just can't win and the BF'ing relationship is so not what it was with my son. I worry all the time whether she's eating enough and feel badly that I can't make her happier when it comes to meal times. For now I keep pumping and BF when we're together, but it's a hard road. I just hope we find our groove sometime soon.
And sometimes it still isn't always easy, but is much better. Lari can you can contact LLL? They were so helpful to me on so many occassions this entire time.
Thanks for all the support, ladies. Sarah, your comment was amazing and supportive. Thank you. I love that I can come on this DDC and be open about problems without getting a pat on the head and a "it's what's best for baby" platitude. Balancing this all is really tough and I wish people were more honest about it. Perhaps then we wouldn't have the kind of no-win judgment that Boots so rightly calls out as ridiculous. I had no idea breastfeeding would be so hard psychologically. I was prepared in a way for the cracked nipples and extreme pain at the beginning, but I wasn't prepared for the sleep-deprived resentment that bubbles over in the Panera bathroom when I realize I forgot, for the millionth time, some integral part of my pump.
I just got back from visiting my sister in Pittsburgh and DH stayed home for work and again I got no sleep and ended up crying in a restaurant in front of my sister, her fiance and his parents because the baby would not go to sleep so I could eat. She finally went down and I drank a beer and felt better, but this has just been a tough week. I'm home now and DH will take care of her tonight and if I need to I'll sleep when the nanny gets here tomorrow instead of doing work and I am so thankful that I have that kind of support. I know so many women who confront these challenges alone and my heart just bleeds for them.
(And, to echo Penny's post on FB, as I blearily stared at Piper and cried from exhaustion this morning, I also hugged her so close because I'm just so grateful she's safe given the horror that's out there. There's a lot to struggle through and so much more to be thankful for.)
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