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I Need To Vent - Page 3

post #41 of 67

Okay, so this may sound off the wall.........but is there any way that just you and your step son can be alone for two weeks? I said it would sound nuts...but maybe he needs a way to connect to you and not feel threatened by the half-siblings? Does that make any sense? And then maybe if the two of you can get a connection going, then .....good luck.

post #42 of 67

OK, singintherain' did a much better job of making the point than I did, possibly because she wasn't shrieking at you. I'm sorry about that. bag.gif

 

I deal with CPS from the foster-parent side. I am speaking out of concern for you, because I don't think you grasp how much danger your family is in. I'm sure that if I knew you IRL I wouldn't care about your carpet or your dog or your wonky light fixture. I'm sure those things are not big deals and don't impair your ability to be a great parent to your kids. I'm sure your kids have a very nice life with you. 

 

But I am not your CPS worker. Your CPS worker has made a list of things that you need to do to get your case closed. This is not negotiable or optional. Frankly, you are very lucky that the worst sacrifice you have been asked to make is rehoming a pet. People do more extreme things all the time to get their CPS casefiles closed. 

 

Please comply. Please comply. Please comply. 

post #43 of 67
Thread Starter 

yeah i could probably make that happen, but that wouldn't be good for my three children as they have hardly been away from me at all since they have been born. i'll discuss the option with my husband and see what he thinks

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virginia Mom View Post

Okay, so this may sound off the wall.........but is there any way that just you and your step son can be alone for two weeks? I said it would sound nuts...but maybe he needs a way to connect to you and not feel threatened by the half-siblings? Does that make any sense? And then maybe if the two of you can get a connection going, then .....good luck.

post #44 of 67
Thread Starter 

They didn't ask me to rehome my dog, I don't know what thier expectations are with her, I will find out next thursday, but the homemaking lady that was here today didn't think my dog is a threat at all, so who knows. The lady from the homemaking program is also going to get a list of specifics from the supervisor and go from there next week, she said she wants to help us get this case closed as quickly as possible since they are wasting resources. she told my husband and i today that there is no reason for her to be here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post

OK, singintherain' did a much better job of making the point than I did, possibly because she wasn't shrieking at you. I'm sorry about that. bag.gif

 

I deal with CPS from the foster-parent side. I am speaking out of concern for you, because I don't think you grasp how much danger your family is in. I'm sure that if I knew you IRL I wouldn't care about your carpet or your dog or your wonky light fixture. I'm sure those things are not big deals and don't impair your ability to be a great parent to your kids. I'm sure your kids have a very nice life with you. 

 

But I am not your CPS worker. Your CPS worker has made a list of things that you need to do to get your case closed. This is not negotiable or optional. Frankly, you are very lucky that the worst sacrifice you have been asked to make is rehoming a pet. People do more extreme things all the time to get their CPS casefiles closed. 

 

Please comply. Please comply. Please comply. 

post #45 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pr3ttyPrincess View Post

They didn't ask me to rehome my dog, I don't know what thier expectations are with her, I will find out next thursday, but the homemaking lady that was here today didn't think my dog is a threat at all, so who knows. The lady from the homemaking program is also going to get a list of specifics from the supervisor and go from there next week, she said she wants to help us get this case closed as quickly as possible since they are wasting resources. she told my husband and i today that there is no reason for her to be here.

This is really good news! You guys need someone from "their side" who is on your side.

post #46 of 67

I agree, it's good news. But be aware that the "homemaking lady" is not the person who is going to make the final decisions on any of this. If you are lucky, her opinion will be taken seriously and your treatment by the workers will improve. 

post #47 of 67
Thread Starter 

yeah i agree, but I also found an advocate who is going to work with my husband, our lawyer and I to get our case closed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post

I agree, it's good news. But be aware that the "homemaking lady" is not the person who is going to make the final decisions on any of this. If you are lucky, her opinion will be taken seriously and your treatment by the workers will improve. 

post #48 of 67
Excellent! Does that mean that the case on your DSS would be closed as well?
post #49 of 67
Thread Starter 

I'm not sure, but now we have ran into a new problem. My stepsons grandmother petitioned for an Emergency Relief to take my stepson away from us. So yay for another court battle.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post

Excellent! Does that mean that the case on your DSS would be closed as well?
post #50 of 67

Jayzus. The hits just keep on comin' for your family. 

post #51 of 67

Firstly, I'd like to apologize for my post earlier - I was responding to the vent vs the problem.

 

One thing I am confused about, though... If the dog is separated from the kids... how is the dog knocking them over?

 

Other stuff... If CPS is making an issue of certain things (i.e. the baby having a bottle in the midst of play, cheetos/doritos being dumped ont he carpet, etc.)? Take the relatively simple steps of fixing those issues. New rule, kids - food is at the table only. That really is not that onerous a change. And, really, a natural consequence - until you can stop dumping food on the floor, we keep food at the table. Added bonus is that it reduces your cleaning up after the (wiping the table is easier than cleaning crushed cheetos out of carpet).

 

I would not personally fix the light, but I would be calling the landlord and letting him know that you will have to call in an electrician if it is not fixed w/in a week. And you will send him the bill. I would also either get a  professional-type carpet cleaner (you can get them from the supermarket in most places) or call someone like Stanley Steemer to get the carpets done. No - you will not be evicted for this. Nor can your LL evict you easily if you have a lease.

post #52 of 67
Thread Starter 

The dog is seperated from the kids, but has to go past the kids to go outside, there is only one door to our apartment. So when I take her through our living room to walk her so she can go potty outside she bumps into them. No apologies needed. The cheetos was my fault, I was kicking myself in the ass the whole time I was cleaning it, lol. I found a new cleaner for my shampooer that works alot better than what I was using, I'm going to do the rest of the carpet with it tomorrow.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mtiger View Post

Firstly, I'd like to apologize for my post earlier - I was responding to the vent vs the problem.

 

One thing I am confused about, though... If the dog is separated from the kids... how is the dog knocking them over?

 

Other stuff... If CPS is making an issue of certain things (i.e. the baby having a bottle in the midst of play, cheetos/doritos being dumped ont he carpet, etc.)? Take the relatively simple steps of fixing those issues. New rule, kids - food is at the table only. That really is not that onerous a change. And, really, a natural consequence - until you can stop dumping food on the floor, we keep food at the table. Added bonus is that it reduces your cleaning up after the (wiping the table is easier than cleaning crushed cheetos out of carpet).

 

I would not personally fix the light, but I would be calling the landlord and letting him know that you will have to call in an electrician if it is not fixed w/in a week. And you will send him the bill. I would also either get a  professional-type carpet cleaner (you can get them from the supermarket in most places) or call someone like Stanley Steemer to get the carpets done. No - you will not be evicted for this. Nor can your LL evict you easily if you have a lease.

post #53 of 67
Thread Starter 

Yeah I wish they would lay off at least a little bit. One day, stress free from these people, is all I'm asking for haha

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post

Jayzus. The hits just keep on comin' for your family. 

post #54 of 67
Thread Starter 

So I got the court papers in the mail yesterday. Both my stepson's grandmother and the Guardian Ad-Lightem are saying things that are untrue about my husband. They are saying that he is verbally/ physically abuse... BS! I would not be with him nor would I have ever married him if he behaved in either way. That my home smells like urine, Okay? I clean all the time, nobody pisses on my floors but my stepson he does it on purpose when he doesn't get his way, But I have a shampooer, I clean the carpets right away when he does it. They are saying my husband made a comment to the foster parent's about beating my stepson. 1. He has never put a hand on any of the four kids, and 2. He has never said anything along those lines in any way at all. So that's BS. I just don't know how much more of this kind of bad mouthing, and false statements we can take. I think he is at the point where he is going to let my stepson go back and live with his grandparents. I'm worried that won't be good for him, and I'm worried that if he does go back to leave with them, how is that going to make us look with our other children? If he goes back to live with them then okay you know we can deal with that, and have visitation and stuff, he will still be able to be a part of his son's life reguardless. I don't know I'm having a million thoughts race through my mind right now, and I've only got until Thursday to come up with a lawyer, and everything.. I need a brick wall so I can do this banghead.gif

post #55 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pr3ttyPrincess View Post

So I got the court papers in the mail yesterday. Both my stepson's grandmother and the Guardian Ad-Lightem are saying things that are untrue about my husband. They are saying that he is verbally/ physically abuse... BS! I would not be with him nor would I have ever married him if he behaved in either way. That my home smells like urine, Okay? I clean all the time, nobody pisses on my floors but my stepson he does it on purpose when he doesn't get his way, But I have a shampooer, I clean the carpets right away when he does it. They are saying my husband made a comment to the foster parent's about beating my stepson. 1. He has never put a hand on any of the four kids, and 2. He has never said anything along those lines in any way at all. So that's BS. I just don't know how much more of this kind of bad mouthing, and false statements we can take. I think he is at the point where he is going to let my stepson go back and live with his grandparents. I'm worried that won't be good for him, and I'm worried that if he does go back to leave with them, how is that going to make us look with our other children? If he goes back to live with them then okay you know we can deal with that, and have visitation and stuff, he will still be able to be a part of his son's life reguardless. I don't know I'm having a million thoughts race through my mind right now, and I've only got until Thursday to come up with a lawyer, and everything.. I need a brick wall so I can do this banghead.gif

grouphug.gif  So sorry to hear you're going through this.  False accusations are just the worst!  And it's SO frustrating to have someone who's supposed to be neutral saying unfair things about your husband.  GALs, like so many other court officials, are only people.  Who knows how his/her impressions may have been influenced by things the other side have said?  I can't tell you how to fix it, nor promise everything will be alright.  I can tell you you're not alone and giving up is probably not the right answer.  If they take your stepson away, you can tell him you did everything you could.  If you give him up, it will be more confusing for him - if not now, then when he's older.

post #56 of 67
... But OTOH, if you don't give him up, they may take your other three children.

There's no easy answer here.
post #57 of 67
Thread Starter 

I'm stuck here, my dad is supposed to come over later and talk to me to give me some advice here, but ultimately I know it's up to me and my husband. I am stuck on what to do here. Is going back to live with them the best thing for my stepson? Absolutely not! Is it best for my children to keep having children services get false reports about us all the time from people related to his ex? No. Is keeping him here, if the courts work out that way, going to be negative for my children, IE: more reports my kids being removed from me. This is going to sound cold hearted, I know, But I don't mean it to be at all, So please don't judge me here. I will not have my three children removed from me for anyone or because of anyone. If we send my stepson back, they are just going to make up even more crap, and say we did crap we never did to try to get us in trouble, so this stuff will never end. If we send him back how is that going to look for us with our three children that we have together that are here with me all the time? There is no easy solution and no solution is going to be best for all four of the children involved. I know that, this is so hard. If we send him back, and something happens and he gets removed again who's fault is that going to be? Theirs? Or ours for putting him in that situation to begin with? I'm just writing my thoughts here as I think, sorry if this is all scrambled up. I tried to ask my husband what he would like to see happen here in a few days when we go to court, but he doesn't have a frickin clue, which irritates the crap out of me, and he knew it. I can't try to get us a lawyer if I don't know what the hell he wants to begin with! Ugh too bad child abuse is illegal he needs a good wack right up side the head, most men do to get thier senses back lol. And no I would never do this, just trying to make a little light of my frustration.

post #58 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pr3ttyPrincess View Post

my husband...too bad child abuse is illegal he needs a good wack right up side the head...

lol.gif

post #59 of 67

Just a little legal advice, I would be very careful about anything you post online, emails you send and so forth. Make sure that what ever you put in writing is something that you would want read out loud in court. I know you haven't liked a lot of the things smithie wrote but she is preparing you for cross examination and the judgement of a jury should it go that far. Sorry but no more venting allowed. It's time to put a tight closed lip on things. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law.
 

post #60 of 67
Thread Starter 

Everything I have said on here, I have said to my husband and other people in my life too. And that is another reason why I post without my name being anywhere on this. The email account I used for this is not my main email, it's my second one for my anonymous things like this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pattimomma View Post

Just a little legal advice, I would be very careful about anything you post online, emails you send and so forth. Make sure that what ever you put in writing is something that you would want read out loud in court. I know you haven't liked a lot of the things smithie wrote but she is preparing you for cross examination and the judgement of a jury should it go that far. Sorry but no more venting allowed. It's time to put a tight closed lip on things. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law.
 

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