So today we did nothing much, had no playdates scheduled, I wanted (needed) a low-key day after a busy & stressful weekend. We went to the grocery store (which he loves & helps out with) and a couple other errands but mostly we just hung around the house. It was miserable. I don't know why I bother trying to have down days because they always make me want to cry (or worse). When we stay out & about, lots of time with friends and park and zoo and whatever else I can do to keep our days jam-packed, he is soooo much better, but I can't do that every single day. Sometimes all our friends are busy, or I am too tired (chronic illness) or whatever.
I don't feel like the life I'm living bears any resemblance to the one I expected -- or the one other moms seem to live. He really doesn't play by himself. Even if I set up an activity for him, he won't do it alone. He won't even watch TV on his own. He only wants to be with me, near me, interacting with me, me talking to him, I can't talk that much!! I go back & forth between "something is wrong with me" and "something is wrong with DS" and "maybe I just have unrealistic expectations." I'm just sad and frustrated that nothing I do is enough for him. I feel inadequate and exhausted.