I'm eligible for my "Attachment Parenting Membership Card" but I don't relate to the term -... - Page 3

[IdentityCrisisMama]

BuzzBuzz, at any stage of a person's journey it is beneficial to stop and wonder, ask and listen. It is just as easy to apply a positive interpretation on words as it is a negative one. 

[Buzzbuzz]

I was just reading the Slate XX article on Natural Parenting and noted that Peggy O'Mara had posted a response.

In it, she states that  "And, breastfeeding in public is the feminist issue of our times."

Really?  Breastfeeding in public is the feminist issue of our times?  Not female/child poverty, not domestic abuse, not under-representation in government and business leadership, not calls to limit access to birth control, not underfunding of women's health research and services?  Were all these issues conquered in the past couple of years and nobody bothered to report on it?

To my mind, this just goes to show how divorced from reality AP is.  I have defended it in discussions with friends who have pointed out certain anti-feminist tendencies in AP thought, but I'm not sure that I can do that anymore.

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by Buzzbuzz 

I was just reading the Slate XX article on Natural Parenting and noted that Peggy O'Mara had posted a response.

In it, she states that  "And, breastfeeding in public is the feminist issue of our times."

Really?  Breastfeeding in public is the feminist issue of our times?  Not female/child poverty, not domestic abuse, not under-representation in government and business leadership, not calls to limit access to birth control, not underfunding of women's health research and services?  Were all these issues conquered in the past couple of years and nobody bothered to report on it?

To my mind, this just goes to show how divorced from reality AP is.  I have defended it in discussions with friends who have pointed out certain anti-feminist tendencies in AP thought, but I'm not sure that I can do that anymore.

Peggy O'Mara, with all due respect to her, is not the voice of AP.  Distancing yourself from a parenting philosophy just because of what one person said in an article's comments is obviously your prerogative, but seems awfully irrational to me.

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by Buzzbuzz 

I was just reading the Slate XX article on Natural Parenting and noted that Peggy O'Mara had posted a response.

In it, she states that  "And, breastfeeding in public is the feminist issue of our times."

Really?  Breastfeeding in public is the feminist issue of our times?  Not female/child poverty, not domestic abuse, not under-representation in government and business leadership, not calls to limit access to birth control, not underfunding of women's health research and services?  Were all these issues conquered in the past couple of years and nobody bothered to report on it?

To my mind, this just goes to show how divorced from reality AP is.  I have defended it in discussions with friends who have pointed out certain anti-feminist tendencies in AP thought, but I'm not sure that I can do that anymore.

I can't speak for Peggy O'Mara of course. But while i dont think BiP is "THE" feminist issue of our times, i do think it is ONE issue and rarely in the media does it get labelled as a feminist issue. But when our society thinks its ok to have nearly naked women on the cover of magazines or walking around in public but thinks LESS naked women should not be seen if they a child is attached to that breast...it IS a commentary on what "society" thinks of a woman's body and who that body belongs to. Women's bodies are for sexual purposes or we shouldnt be seeing any of it, so it seems. That is a feminist issue. THE issue...no *i* dont think so...but i can see how one might SAY that if they were trying to make a point. Esp if they were trying to make that point on a forum devoted to breastfeeding.

[Buzzbuzz]

I don't think its irrational.

It is the final straw that broke this camel's back in terms of the AP/feminist issue.

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

When I found out, I was really excited and happy. Then I wasnt- because if you dont follow ALL the rules you dont get to be in the club. I do what works best for me and my family at the time. Sometimes it doesnt work anymore, and I do something different that isnt cool or popular.
 

But i think that this has more to do with the mother's own sense of herself and her resolve in her parenting skills/ideals than whether there is or isnt a "club" to belong to. When i was a younger parent, i was more strident believing my way was THE way. And now i'm not. I used to truly believe that moms who thought they were "just as bonded" to their formula fed infants just didnt "get" the magical bond of breastfeeding. Now that i've actually parented a formula fed child (placed with me at three weeks old and i bottle"nursed" him with formula...that is, i fed on demand, propped a bottle on my breast at night and coslept, always held him when i fed him etc) who could not be MORE bonded to me...i know i was wrong. But yknow...live and learn.

I think sometimes new moms or moms who maybe need more validation from others or something feel like they HAVE to follow this mythical "checklist" to belong to the mythical "club" or they get kicked off the AP team. I havent found that to be the case. Like my kids watch LOTS of tv...always have. Plastic toys and junk food....to me that has nothing at all to do with AP though i know that moms who limit that stuff will often be found in AP forums. I am perfectly capable of "defending" (probably too strong a word) my choices so i have no problem co-mingling with others who disagree. But i do see how if a mom goes to an AP group and feels ganged up on she might not find that helpful or fun to be around.

[Buzzbuzz]

"But when our society thinks its ok to have nearly naked women on the cover of magazines or walking around in public but thinks LESS naked women should not be seen if they a child is attached to that breast...it IS a commentary on what "society" thinks of a woman's body and who that body belongs to."

Don't you think the fact that one of the two major political parties in this country has a platform that provides that if your life is threatened by your pregnancy that you should DIE rather than have an abortion is a far more powerful statement of what "society thinks of a woman's body and who that body belongs to"?  

Having your major focus be on NIP is rather like worrying about your hairdo while a tornado is touching down a mile away.

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by Buzzbuzz 

"But when our society thinks its ok to have nearly naked women on the cover of magazines or walking around in public but thinks LESS naked women should not be seen if they a child is attached to that breast...it IS a commentary on what "society" thinks of a woman's body and who that body belongs to."

Don't you think the fact that one of the two major political parties in this country has a platform that provides that if your life is threatened by your pregnancy that you should DIE rather than have an abortion is a far more powerful statement of what "society thinks of a woman's body and who that body belongs to"?  

Having your major focus be on NIP is rather like worrying about your hairdo while a tornado is touching down a mile away.

Of course. But i think its all part of the same package. As i said, i dont think its THE issue but a lot of anti-woman/anti-feminist stuff sure comes out when you start talking to people about NiP.

[pek64]

I really could have used something like an attachment parenting association card (specifying me as the parenting police), when my son was young! Then I could have whipped it out and showed my family when they told me my parenting was wrong! And I would have (as a parenting police member) had the authority to fine future injunctions, or some such nonsense!

[spughy]

I think Attachment Parenting is kind of an intellectual shortcut, in some respects.  And I think that where things fall apart is when people adhere to the letter of the Attachment Parenting creed rather than fully examining where it comes from.  As far as I can tell - and I could well be wrong about this - the concepts behind Attachment Parenting come from observations from anthropological, sociological and psychological research that show benefits to both babies and mothers of fostering closer attachments - through cosleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing and responsive parenting - than are normal for much of western society.  That's all great, and certainly true in the majority of cases, but where people go askew is by losing sight of "benefits" aspect of it.  If you, as a parent, have, say, rheumatoid arthritis - is babywearing really a good idea?  If you have to take medication that affects your sleep or arousal, is cosleeping a good idea?  The key to attachment parenting IS forming that close bond but the bond has to go both ways.  If doing something the "right" way causes more stress on the part of the parent than the benefit it bestows on the child, then it's NOT helping the bond and therefore NOT "attachment parenting".

Of course there are workarounds to most things, but parents need to know and accept (and love!) themselves AS themselves and not beat themselves up or feel "non-AP" if they aren't capable of doing it all right.  And NO parent should be judged by others based on a checklist of what AP stuff she does or doesn't do.  So in that way, I guess the "AP" label frustrates me too, because it's no guarantee that the person using it really understands what it means.

[manysplinters]

I wouldn't say I would resent the label, but at the same time I prefer to pick my way along doing the best I can for my two little daughters without a label.  I learned of attachment parenting before my kids were born, and I admit to having thought it was a load of rubbish because I was certain that *I* knew everything.  Of course #1 and then #2 changed that view very quickly, and I often find that a lot of how my partner and I parent actually follows AP philosophy.  Not all of it, though, and I guess for me that would be the trouble with labelling:  labelling suggests that you ascribe to all of a philosophy, and suggests that you must to x,y, and z, when possibly only x and y are right for your child.  I am happy to be able to draw on some of the aspects of AP, but I don't agree with all aspects of AP, nor do I think that my kid is going to be damaged if I don't do AP for every facet of that child's development.  I think I have pretty awesome, happy children - they are only 1 and 3, but they seem peaceful and happy in themselves.  I think there are always things I could do differently, probably some things I could do better, but it keeps me thoughtful to explore that without using a book to guide my every move - I might consult a book, but I would never follow it to the letter if it didn't feel like it made sense for my child.  I would be sad if there was a perfect recipe or blueprint for how to do this: isn't learning how to parent just a part of life and part of growing with my kids?  In the end, I say keep doing what you do, but don't be afraid to mesh a parenting philosophy like AP with your own.