Does anyone else feel that way about getting things ready for a new baby? I'm taking advantage of the extra energy I've had lately and the fact that the kids are out of the house for much of this month to get some stuff done. (We're converting the walk-in closet in our master suite into a mini-nursery since we'll be co-sleeping for a while anyway.) So, starting to clear out the closet, I decied to put away my non-maternity clothes into storage because there's not a sweet chance I'll fit into them for a long time. While I was down in the basement anyway I brought up a couple of totes of baby stuff from our last kids.
Then I started having panicky thoughts because the last time I brought out the same totes was with my last pregnancy, and it didn't end well. I had just started easing past the first trimester pregnancy paranoia, and was feeling good enough to share the news with everyone... That pregnancy was really not at an ideal time and it took me a long time to make peace with it and start getting excited. Just when I did, and I started sorting through baby stuff... like two days later we learned there was no living baby. So I started getting kind of weird this time as well. I just heard the heartbeat a few days ago and everything seems to be going fine, but I'm weirdly superstitous about bringing anything upstairs or even touching anything baby-related... talking about it... even thinking about it is hard because I'm just worried that if I let myself get excited, it will end up in another loss.
I ended up just leaving the totes unopened in the closet/nursery-to-be. I'm just not sure when, if at all, I'll be comfortable getting ready for this baby. And I mean, technically we don't really need anything to *prepare*, maybe get a package of sposies for the first few days. We have everything else, really... wraps, a mai tai, baby clothes, etc. But at the same time the whole preparation / nesting thing is one of the few enjoyable things about pregnancy, so I don't know if I want to ignore that stuff altogether. Argh, I don't know...!!!