Reciprocal IVF?

[jeanniebee]

Hi all, I'm kind of a champion lurker, but I thought there'd probably be a few people on here that had done this, so I thought I'd post!

DP and I have kind of the opposite feelings about carrying/genetic children. I want to be pregnant for the experience, but am not particularly attached to the idea of a genetic child, and DP is the flip: hates the idea of giving birth, really wants a genetic child. So, my step mom recently was like "Oh, my friends put Partner A's egg in Partner B, you should too!" and at the time we laughed about it because we'd just met her, but last week DP said to me that quite seriously, she wants to do this. 

We're a few years off from having kids, but I'm a planner, and I was hoping to hear about people's experiences. Any recommendations of blogs/articles/other resources are also greatly appreciated!

[hippiemombian]

I don't have anything solid to give you, but my partner and I are considering this as well. Its cool to meet another couple that is interesting in this!

[prettyisa]

Hi!

We talked about doing this, but it doesn't seem likely that we'll end up going that route. These two did:
http://questformonkey.wordpress.com/

It's probably worth reading the blog even though she doesn't update anymore.

Good luck!

[2mamas2010]

I would have loved to do this... But unfortunately it was pretty cost prohibitive.  Insurance wouldn't cover it since it's not related to a fertility problem, but you have to pay out of pocket for the IVF, plus paying for the other partners eggs to be removed.  If you're a few years away, I'd start saving money.  

[prettyisa]

Oh, thinking about the cost issue--my insurance did say that in our case they would pay for my end of it, since I'm already listed as 'infertile' (or however they have it down). Since I'll be using IVF for any kids they will cover anything for my IVF, but since my partner has not been labelled infertile they won't pay for her. Basically they told me that they'll pay to prep my body for IVF and that they don't care which embryos are getting put in, so if we wanted to use her eggs we'd only have to pay for her half of things. It still comes to 7K or so, and only works if your insurance is willing to pay for your IVF, but it might be worth looking into if you can find a doctor who would help you get listed properly on the insurance.

[NZmumof2]

I'm 8 weeks pregnant with a baby conceived this way.  My partner and I have three kids already, I've carried two and she's carried one, all our own eggs.  We wanted a fourth and she wanted to have another genetic child and was NOT keen on being pregnant or breastfeeding again.  

It took two rounds of IVF (we're both 36), cost $30000 NZ dollars.  Just had a scan on Friday and it looks like all is going well.

We are both really excited about it.

Anna, partner to Leah in NZ, DS 12, DS 8 and DD 4

[jeanniebee]

Thanks so much for the responses!

Hippiemombian, I'm glad to meet you, too! I never really considered it seriously- for the longest time the only reference we had for it was Cat Cora so we thought it was something only celebrities did! Then my stepmom was talking about it so I guess it put a bug in DP's brain! 

Prettyisa, thanks for the blog rec and the insurance info! It's likely that by then we'll have totally different insurance so it's not really something I can plan for now... darn it. 

2mamas2010, thanks so much for that info. We already planned to sock a lot away for multiple tries with donor sperm since we definitely don't want a KD (it still blows my mind how much sperm costs!) so now we'll just have to plan for a bit more, if we end up going this route. I'm not as attached to it as DP is, and since we have a few years I could see her mind shifting, especially if she decides she'd be okay with giving birth. I think honestly that I would prefer giving the "traditional" (lol!) route a try first.

NZMumof2, congratulations on your pregnancy and thanks so much for sharing! I'm so glad to hear from someone who's done it! 

[osker]

Hi,  We're thinking of doing this in the future as well.. still not entirely sure as it would most likely come down to costs and babies #3, 4, or 5... Eek!

Just wanted to say, I'm 95% sure the ladies on this blog did this as well: http://followmybabyjourney.blogspot.com/ I don't think it specifically says so, but I think I remember at the time of them getting pregnant with their son that that was their plan.  In Boston there is an RE who specializes in reciprocal IVF.  At some point down the road you may consider a consultation with them just to get more of an idea of what it would entail. 

Good luck!

[SplashingPuddle]

We conceived our daughter this way, and I am her birth mother (my partner is her biological mother).  It is more expensive, but we were lucky to get pregnant the first time we tried. It has been a wonderful experience for both of us (and grandparents too). We are not conceiving our next child this way, but it was a great way to start off our family together.

[Hnoxon]

Hello Everyone, I am new to the forum. My wife and I are beginning the process of starting our family by way of reciprocal ivf. We just had our initial consult and exams with a fertility clinic that is dedicated to gay couples. We have no idea how much this will all cost in the end. Our insurance plan covers ivf up to 3 tries. Though we've read a lot about how the insurance companies find ways around covering gay couples and ways to discriminate. The clinic we've chosen deals often with gay couples & knows the ins/ outs of billing. They have told us that depending on how they bill it, most of our treatments will be covered. This was wonderful news. Now that we've begun the process we want to draw up legal papers with our known donor who is longtime & very close friend. He would like to play a role in our child's life and we also would like for that to be the case. But we understand the importance of defining these parameters legally to protect us all. Does anyone have experience with lawyers and drawing up legal paperwork? What it costs, what it entails? We've never had a need in the past to contact a lawyer and really don't know how to approach it. Thank you so much! Any advice is much appreciated.

[hippiemombian]

Originally Posted by Hnoxon 

Hello Everyone, I am new to the forum. My wife and I are beginning the process of starting our family by way of reciprocal ivf. We just had our initial consult and exams with a fertility clinic that is dedicated to gay couples. We have no idea how much this will all cost in the end. Our insurance plan covers ivf up to 3 tries. Though we've read a lot about how the insurance companies find ways around covering gay couples and ways to discriminate. The clinic we've chosen deals often with gay couples & knows the ins/ outs of billing. They have told us that depending on how they bill it, most of our treatments will be covered. This was wonderful news. Now that we've begun the process we want to draw up legal papers with our known donor who is longtime & very close friend. He would like to play a role in our child's life and we also would like for that to be the case. But we understand the importance of defining these parameters legally to protect us all. Does anyone have experience with lawyers and drawing up legal paperwork? What it costs, what it entails? We've never had a need in the past to contact a lawyer and really don't know how to approach it. Thank you so much! Any advice is much appreciated.

The way I understand it with the KD and reciprocal ivf is that he would have to donate sperm to be frozen at the clinic. My partner and I asked our clinic about this and that is what they told us. She said that because our KD and myself are not intimate partners that he would have to come to the clinic and make a donation. It would then have to be frozen and tested via FDA standards before use. We decided that it wasn't worth all of the hassle to go this route, so we are just going to use annoymous sperm. Now if this is something your insurance might pay for, then I don't see why not. Also, if you did it that way, he would be signing his rights over at the time of donation and because of this I don't think you would have to go through a lawyer afterwards to terminate any legal rights he had. That is atleast how it is where I live, try calling the clinic and asking their protocall. It should be similar though.

[SplashingPuddle]

My partner and I and are known donor did reciprocal ivf.  The sperm had to be quarantined for 6 months and then tested again. The clinic we used was not able to do the quarantining so we had to use a different clinic for that and then ship the cleared sperm between clinics.  In Canada, it is illegal for a gay man to donate sperm so we also needed to do an application to health canada to obtain an exception.

We legal agreements ahead of time, with both us and him each having separate lawyers to advise us of our rights.  It was complicated but we know it was how we wanted to create our family.  Good luck.