Intro and wondering about "shadow care"

[craft_media_hero]

Hello, mamas

Here's my birth background: one 20 minute hospital birth, 1 long complication-free unhindered birth (eta at home) under guardianship of an excellent midwife who was much loved by my family but is no longer serving the area, and now this new adventure in birthing.

I am 19 wks along with my third baby, so far we've UPd, and I feel really content and comfortable with that. BUT I just feel my instincts telling me to create a record of prenatal care to stave off any questions of "medical negligence" as a CYA type thing. Plus, I've thought about it, and tho we had no u/s w ds and all was well, I think I'd like a u/s just to be sure of no congenital issues before we head into birth.

How do you approach prenatal care and after care, explaining the birth to your mw, etc if you have had or are thinking about uc?

I feel really strongly that I am not leaving my home to birth this baby! Unless my instincts tells me to do so. I have a hospital phobia and the mws covered by our state insurance only do hosp deliveries. So I'm pretty much setting up prenatal care with the full intent of not birthing with these ladies, tho they are a fine bunch of midwives. Other reasons besides$ for sure, just feel really happy and healthy in my pregnant body and trust the birth process and want to be in my cocoon with no strangers or authority figures.

Sorry for rambling! Just kinda musing through this next stage in expecting my little one and would appreciate positive feedback.

Thank you!
Edited by craft_media_hero - 8/14/12 at 1:10pm

[darkblue0729]

Hi mama! We are planning a UC this time and fortunately live in a place where personal privacy trumps people's seemingly innate desire to be nosy about how a woman chooses to have her child, lol. My good friend is a DEM and she delivered our son 2 years ago and so it was a bit tricky explaining to her that our choice to have this babe without help had nothing to do with her and everything to do with us, so I understand a bit where you are coming from. Would it be an option to pick up care with a midwife that your insurance covers and when the time comes just say that the baby came too fast for you to get to the hospital? You may have to say that you were being seen by a DEM and you changed your mind, but that way you could get an ultrasound covered by insurance, have a paper trail of prenatal care, and really, it's not like they can tell you to shove the baby back in...it may mean having to go to the hospital the day of or the day after the birth of the babe to follow procedure-which I know may not be ideal, but it would cost nothing (well, outside of your co pays) and could offer you the protection in case someone accused you of medical negligence. I used to live in a state where birthing at home unassisted was treated like a high crime if you didn't have a trail of prenatal care paper work covering your tail, so I sympathize! I hope that in the end you are able to get the birth you want and not have to worry about all the red tape mama!

[craft_media_hero]

Hi, darkblue!

Thanks for your reply.

I am definitely thinking along the same lines--do the paper trail, get the ultrasound then just stay home til either the baby comes or I feel a desire to get to the hospital. Maybe I am naive, but I guess I don't think that will happen unless my body's telling me we need help, you know?

It's funny coz I haven't really "decided" for certain we'll uc and don't want to box myself into anything, but in the back of my mind, I'm going, hmm guess I should get a birth kit together, maybe take a resus class, where will the birth tub fit upstairs

I kinda feel like I logically should be looking for a hb midwife but when I really think about it, the truth is that I don't WANT that

So I am going through some internal things resolving the differences in my logic mind and my intuition, etc.

Anyway, thank you s o much for your reply and good birth wishes!



Many of those to you too as you prepare for your winter baby

[RachaelM]

You can certainly continue to do your own care but keep more official records of things like BP/urine/fundal height. 

Still only do things you are comfortable with and feel the need for, but put it in to a nice record, month by month, week by week (towards the end) and include more detail on how you feel and so on. 

At the end of the day, whether you get traditional OB/midwife care or not you are NOT legally required to get ANY tests. What people will want to see, if they want to see anything, is that you took CARE of yourself and the baby and sought help when anything was out of the norm. 

You could even include a dietary plan (like Dr Brewers) in your files and other bits and pieces to show you were taking excellent care of yourself and the baby (regardless of how much you actually manage or WISH to stick to any dietary plans). 

Here in the UK the suspicion is that if a mother has no prenatal care and births unassisted that the mother has a "chaotic lifestyle". Usually no steady partner, drugs, poor nutrition and general health and failure to give current children good care. And unfortunately that was the case in the few cases I cam across as a student MW. 

A record of how you are taking care of yourself, even if it that is just listening to your body before any testing, is likely enough to show people you were being responsible about your pregnancy. 

Just my 2c, I'm sure there's scare stories out there too, but don't let this stress you out. Do what you feel is needed to cover yourself and let go of the fear and enjoy your pregnancy. 

All the best!

[darkblue0729]

Craft_media_hero- Thanks for your well wishes mama! I am really keeping you in my thoughts! I understand not wanting to box yourself into to any one scenario, and I believe that you are going to have a great birth! Also, if you are in need of resources to buy birth supplies, here are a few that I have found to be really useful!

http://www.preciousarrows.com/

http://inhishands.com/

http://shop.aha.channing-bete.com/onlinestore/storeitem.html?iid=173341

[tiqa]

Originally Posted by RachaelM 

Here in the UK the suspicion is that if a mother has no prenatal care and births unassisted that the mother has a "chaotic lifestyle". Usually no steady partner, drugs, poor nutrition and general health and failure to give current children good care. And unfortunately that was the case in the few cases I cam across as a student MW. 

I agree with this stereotype - not that I agree with what is said but that it exists.  Shame, really.

[craft_media_hero]

So I met with the hosp mw once, and she is really cool--so tha I feel a little guilty about seeing her with thinking that she may not be catching my bebe!

Like she brought up lotus birth and seemed really excited and positive about it! And was totally on board with the other things that are importan to me and my hub like water birth, either me or him catching babe, etc.

I think she's really a gem of a midwife, but I just can't really see myself deciding to go to the hospital. We'll see, though. I'm not setting myself in concrete that we must uc or bust, but I'm just accepting that the greater part of me envisions myself birthing at home without an attendant.

I do feel kinda like I'm being dishonest by presenting myself to her with full intentions of hospital birthing when I know that's not the whole truth. Anyone else ever feel ambivalent that way about shadow care?

[darkblue0729]

I think that the inner conflict is normal, as it is such an emotional time to begin with, let alone when you feel as though you have to navigate through a bunch of red tape, lol. I am super glad that she seems nice and respectful of your needs, and I think that rather than feeling dishonest, I would embrace the care that she is offering and look at it as having a really solid backup plan, ykim? I hope all is well mama!!

[Jennyfriend1978]

What a relief that I am not the only one who feels so conflicted about possibly lying to my OB- who is incredibly sweet and wonderful as a person. Unfortunately, she and her entire practice and the hospital they deliver in are known here for the highest C-sec rate in the city and based on the probing questions I have asked her, she and I come from different worlds when it comes to normal birth.

I have decided to just let the spirit move me (stay or go) and also logistics will come into play since I live with my parents as the unfortunate result of a separation with DH and my parents dont have a clue as to my intentions to UC (homebirth midwifery is illegal here and there s only one midwife practicing in one hospital in this whole city!!). They do understand my position on the issues, so I've been prepping them psychologically, but I can see a scenario where I could be forced by them to go in. I'm praying for a swift, late night labor lol.

I will report back witha full story in case anyone else is ever in a similar position.

[Voondrop]

We're doing our own prenatal care & printed off an OB work up sheet off of the internet just in case we do have to transfer. In case of a transfer I'm already anticipating negative feelings from hospital staff so I'm hoping that w/ a prenatal chart they will in fact see that what Rachel says is true.

What people will want to see, if they want to see anything, is that you took CARE of yourself and the baby and sought help when anything was out of the norm.

I did call a midwife (there are only 2 in my area that I know of for home birth) & explained that I would not be birthing w/ them but would it be possible to come in at the end of my term to check baby's position. She was wonderful & agreed, but just wanted me to come in now to get a base line on my growth which was fine w/ me. I can understand feeling conflicted about lying so I was very upfront. But not all mw will see you w/out delivery (which is their right). So if I do get a funny reading or something I'm glad to be able to call her & not have to go through the system.

I was investigated by a social worker at my last birth as we were living in an RV & prenatal care was very spotty. They assumed we were druggies until they saw us & were pleased to have their preconceived notions proved false.