Choosing not to vax is your choice. But you have a responsibility to refrain from exposing unvaxed kids to newborns or kids with compromised immune systems. You have a responsibility to the community to make sure other moms know you don't vaccinate.
And we all have a responsibility to keep sick kids away from others to prevent the spread of disease
No, if other moms want to gather vaccine status info that's on them. I doubt I'd want to be besties with someone who quizzed me on vax status before a playdate anyways.