This has turned into quite the debate:) Anyways, we are undecided about which schooling option we will go with. Both DH and I would like to homeschool, but also think that financially we would be better off if we both have careers. I know it is possible to do both, but I'm not sure whether I'm up for that. Ideally we will either homeschool or she will go to a charter school, or maybe Montessori (though I know we would be late to start).
About the playdates, most of the ones we do are just a group of 2-5 moms, each with one or two kiddos in the infant to 4 year old age group. We meet at parks, playgrounds and each other's houses. I think it is definitely easier at the park or playground, however DD still rarely cares about playing with other kids and just wants to play with me or by herself there. I feel bad going to other people's houses if I don't host as well, since they usually provide food etc. I may just stick with the park/playground meet ups for the time being. I am not really worried about DD, just curious whether this is an age thing or personality, and if I should be trying to encourage her to be more social.
I was extremely shy around people I didn't know as a child, and wasn't very comfortable in group settings. DD seems to be very similar, I just worry more since she is an only child and I had lots of siblings. If we decide to homeschool I will pursue coops or homeschool groups. DH is just finishing up his masters, so we anticipate moving soon and I'm not sure where that will be so it is hard to plan ahead.
I am looking forward to four, I love watching kids open up at this stage and really blossom into individuals. Thanks for all the great advice.